21 Hump Street
by Ellawritesficssometimes
Summary: Alfred and Arthur are sent on an undercover mission. Their task is to take down the Nordic drug ring at the local high school. Let the chaos ensue. Rated T because Arthur's a sarcastic snob. (Cop AU/ NO pairings).
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Eh?! Another story Ella?! Really?! I've just resigned to the fact that I'm an impulsive writer. Shout out to my homegirl and awesome beta reader NebulaZee for putting up with my last minute decision to write this xD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or 21 jumpstreet. If I did, this would totally be a thing in real life.**

 **Enjoy and thanks for reading~!**

* * *

 **You have the right to be my bitch!:**

 **Arthur's POV:**

Alright, Arthur my boy. This is your one and only chance, so you better not blow it. Right, best get on with it. I straightened my sweater vest, raked a hand through my nest of hopelessly messy blond hair, and put on a stiff upper lip. Standing across the hallway from me was the girl of my dreams: Shelly Bonnefoy. Shelly, the girl who with just one smile could make my cold, bitter heart melt into a pile of goo. I was unfathomably and helplessly in love.

I shook my head, and with a determined glare, I was on my way. Shelly was standing by her locker, holding up a compact mirror to her face. Her naturally plump lips were placed in a pout as she applied a modest amount of clear lip gloss to them. My face reddened indefinitely. Good god, was this girl ever beautiful. So beautiful that a hopeless nerd like me stood absolutely no chance with her. But, given the fact that I had tutored her in English last semester, I at least had some grounds to work with. It was the only hope that I could hold onto, really.

Shelly closed her compact mirror and began to grab the books for her next class out of her locker. Her long brown pig tails swung over her shoulders. The blue t-shirt dress that she was wearing hugged the curves of her swimmer's body in all the right ways. A lump formed in my throat, but I quelled it back with a grunt as I approached her.

"Uh…ahem…er….hey, Shelly?" I squeaked with about as much masculinity as an endangered baby panda.

Shelly smiled at me, her amber eyes crinkling into fond crescents at the corners. "Oh, hey Arthur!" she giggled, sending my heart dropping to the floor, as well as the rest of my dignity. "What's up?"

I floundered for the words that I had incessantly rehearsed in my head so many times over. "Do you want to dance?" If being cringe worthy was an Olympic sport, I'd be a world champion.

Shelly cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Huh?"

Oh bollocks. Here we fucking go.

I chuckled weakly, rubbing a hand over the back of my now reddening neck. "Well you see…I've been thinking…"

Shelly's eyes widened with concern. Suddenly she looked very uncomfortable. She kept glancing over my shoulder, probably searching for a means to escape from the awkwardness that I inevitably brought wherever I went. You see, I wasn't exactly the most popular guy in the school. If the lisp from my retainer, sweater vest, and inherent love for Shakespeare didn't already spell what these bloody Americans liked to label as a 'nerd.'

Shelly, on the other hand, was well associated with the in crowd. Her kind smile and beauty had earned her plenty of friends and admirers in this sorry excuse of a school. Thus, me speaking to her out in the open like this was totally uncalled for. It violated all sorts of social protocols, and that meathead bloke at the other end of the hallway was having none of it.

While I stammered out incoherent gibberish in front of a now uncomfortable looking Shelly, Alfred Jones, the school's beloved it boy and football extraordinaire was having the time of his life. Alfred was a brawny 'all American' boy with cerulean blue eyes, shaggy wheat blond hair, which had an insufferable cowlick to it (and I thought that I had hair problems) and a permanently cocky grin. He was all muscle and hardly any brains, and that quirk shone right through as he failed miserably at attempting to stifle his booming laughter.

Alfred propped up a casual elbow against the row of lockers across from Shelly and I. He was taking full amusement in my failure to speak in front of a girl. A very pretty girl, might I add, if my prior descriptions of her weren't enough to paint such a sentimentally sappy picture. Alfred's eyes glinted behind his glasses, his lips curling into a half-smirk. I shot him a sharp glare before I sought to bury myself further into another pitless hole of cringe and regret.

"You were saying something about dancing?" Shelly prompted, hints of discomfort evident in her voice.

The blood pounding in my face made her words fall deaf on my ears.

Shelly's brows furrowed in concern. "You alright there, Arthur?"

I bit my lip and waved off her comment with a casual shake of the head, which was more like a twitch or something closer to a convulsion. I was just that nervous. "I'm quite alright, fantastic even, ha!" I smiled despite the internal pain.

I cleared my throat. "Er…What I was going to ask you was if you would like to …."

I paused when Alfred's laughter grew louder again. The football crazed twat had raised the sleeve of his bomber's jacket to his mouth. He was wiping away the drool that had accumulated from his cackling.

Shelly's eyes widened in realization. She frowned and mumbled under her breath. "Oh merde," she sighed. "I knew that I shouldn't have complimented him on that sweater vest the other day."

I was in too deep to back out now. I would just have to suck up what little pride that I had left and do what I had come here to do. Alfred could suck a fat cock for all I cared. "Would you like to…um…?"

Shelly shifted her feet nervously, causing me to stop again. Alfred's laughter had become so loud that I could hardly hear her speak. "You're not asking me to prom, are you?" she just about whined.

My face blanched. "What?!" I scoffed, feigning surprise, albeit not very well. "N-No, of course not! That's preposterous! I-I mean how silly would that be?!"

I wasn't fooling Shelly anytime soon.

"Look, Arthur, I don't know how to say this without being blunt…"

Alfred smirked. "There's no other way to put it."

The American took a step forward. "But not to worry darling, I'll save you! The hero, Alfred Jones at your service~!"

Alfred strolled up to us, draping a 'friendly' arm over Shelly's shoulders. As if that wasn't patronizing enough, Shelly blushed as Alfred whispered sweet words of moronic nothing into her ears.

"Get lost eyebrows, babes like her don't belong with the likes of you," he sneered.

Shelly giggled. "Tsk! Alfred! You don't have to be so mean!"

She was speaking as if I wasn't even there. I had been completely forgotten and the hurt of being ignored hit deep. Much deeper than what I would like to admit.

"I'm telling you Shelly!" Alfred scolded. "You can't be so nice all the time. Who's going to be there to save you from the Big Bad Nerds when I graduate, huh?"

Shelly playfully elbowed Alfred in the ribcage. "I can handle myself just fine, thank you very much," she scoffed in a teasing tone.

"But of course! I'm simply your manly back up!"

Alfred lifted his arm while Shelly grabbed the last of her books from her locker. I merely stood there in shock. Shelly must have realized this too because she shed me with one last guilty smile before she headed off for her next class.

"Um…see you later," she said, making a point to avoid direct eye contact with me.

"Yeah," I muttered bitterly. "Later."

After that, I turned on my heels and walked away, tears stinging at the corners of my eyes. How foolish of me to think that I had had actually stood a chance with a girl like that. But, of course, Alfred just had to have the last word, and what a cheap jab it was.

"Here ye, Here ye. Doth Arthur protesteth to a life full of crying and masturbating alone at night?"

"Fuck off, you bloody wanker," I growled, my pride now in utter ruins at this point.

Whatever. School ended next month. I didn't have to put up with these assholes for that much longer anyway. Huzzah. The course of my high school life was full of shit. Should I really have expected anything different?

 **Alfred's POV:**

" _Alfred Jones. Alfred Jones. Please come down to the office."_

…

With a swaggering grin, I strolled into Grandpa Aldrich's office. Aldrich was the stern, 'no funny business' type of principal. But, with a savvy amount of mooching and a ton of ass kissing, I could usually negotiate my way out of trouble. Yeah, you could say that I knew how to work the system to my advantage. Heh.

I plopped myself down onto the seat resting before Aldrich's pristine, virtually empty oak wood desk. If I licked my finger and ran it over the wooden surface, it would most likely smell of lemons. The elderly German grump was just that much of a neat freak.

Speaking of freak, or rather freaking out, Gramp's shrewd blue eyes looked like they were just about ready to bulge out of their sockets. His face was drawn tighter than the pony tail that was used to keep back his long, previously blond but now thin grey hair.

I grinned, sat back in my seat, and prepared myself to coast right through the glorious sound of Aldrich losing his fucking mind on me. Just to irk him, I propped up an oh-so-casual foot on top of his desk. "What can I do for ya, Gramps?"

I stumbled forward, when like a cat swiping at a ball of yarn, Gramps shoved my foot off of his desk. I just about smacked my forehead onto it. I honestly hadn't been expecting such an abrupt reaction from the old fart.

"How many times must I tell you not to call me that?" he snapped. Cue the purple vein in his forehead doing a sensually spicy tango with the one from his upper left eyelid. "You are only to refer to me as Principal Beilschmidt. That and nothing else."

"Aw! Why do you gotta be in such a bad mood? I've been a good boy, I promise! Heck, just today I saved a young lady from a _totally_ creepy nerd! That's gotta count for something!" I protested.

My chest swelled with pride only to deflate when 'Aldrich' scowled at me and threw down a set of papers onto the desk. Big circles drawn in red ink peppered the pages, and unfortunately for me, it looked like they had found their target.

Gramps crossed his arms and gave me a scornful look. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought his expression to be smug. "Do you know what those are?" he asked, a hint of amusement sweeping into his normally cold and statutory voice.

"A solo game of tic tac toe?" I proposed.

Gramps quickly lost all sense of humour. "Those are your marks, you dummkoph. You're barely passing your classes."

I blew a stray piece of fringe out of my face. "So?"

Gramps was always one to be blunt. "If you don't get your grades up, you won't be going to prom."

I stood up from my seat, slapped a palm onto the desk with a prominent crack, and spluttered like a gaping fish flopping between the unrealistic balance of social and academic life. "B-But-!"

"No buts! I don't want to hear it! The only butt here will be your sorry ass leaving my office!" Aldrich shouted in a voice teeming with finality. I didn't dare to question him after he had gone full commando mode. It was in my best interest not to.

"That means now, Jones!"

"Alright, alright, no need to get your deutschbag nutcrackers in a twist."

"What was that?!"

"Nothing."

 **Arthur's POV:**

~Five years later~

Who knows where life would take you. Life just so happened to take me to a police academy. But not before completing a Bachelor's in Criminology, of course. It was hard enough to get recruited with my supposedly 'gangly' body type. Competition in the force was tough and unforgiving these days, unfortunately.

Anyways, most of my wiry thinness was now replaced with lean muscle. I wasn't a brick, like some of my more 'manlier' colleagues, but I could certainly fend for myself if need be. I was no longer that weak dork who cringed at the sight of danger. I was braver, stronger, and more determined to prove myself to the world that had initially reared me as a bottom feeder.

At this point, I'm twenty-three years old and I'm training to become a cop. So far, the physical labour and tasks have been fairly manageable. I have good stamina, and running ten kilometers every morning hasn't proven to be too much of a challenge. In fact, this 'pipsqueak' out ran most of the ape-like herd just this morning in fact.

But alas, my reign of false superiority would quickly come to an end. Today we just so happened to be making rounds in the mat room. The objective was to pin our opponent to the ground.

A crowd of twenty or so brutes dressed in matching grey t-shirts and black shorts hovered around in a circle. Our trainer was calling for volunteers and I purposely avoided eye contact from then on in. Unfortunately, in a place where big is normal, I was the odd twerp out and was consequently picked without so much as a second glance.

"You there! The twerp with the posh accent! Buck up, the stage is all yours!" The trainer made another snide remark, one that I purposely blocked out, and the rest of the recruits barked with laughter.

I grumbled something incoherent under my breath and walked towards the center of the circle. I could already feel their judgemental glares. They burned into the back of my neck and made my face flush with anger.

"Who's willing to go up against this brave young man?"

 _Brave? You're the one who sent me to the slaughter in the first place, you bloody idiot._

Carlos, a pot-bellied recruit of Cuban ancestry, raised his hand and grinned a toothy smile. Matthew, his pale-skinned, willowy friend and quote on quote 'man bitch' winced. In fact, everyone in the room winced.

Carlos, who had somehow managed to get away with smoking a cigar during training, snuffed out the smoke by rubbing the butt onto the front of Matthew's shirt. Matthew simply sighed as if he was used to being the Cuban's doormat. Poor bloke.

I gulped as Carlos sumo-wrestle stomped to the center of the mat, eventually making his way to stand in front of me. I looked up into a pair of unforgiving, beady brown eyes. "Ready to go lose, gringo?" he chuckled.

I straightened my spine and curled my lip into a scowl. One should never underestimate the power of a British man. We have a stubborn tendency to never give up.

"Ha!" I snorted. "Quite on the contrary, mate. I'll be the one sitting on top of you come the end of this."

I winced at my poor choice of words. Thankfully, I had enraged Carlos's ego enough to obscure his already limited sense of comprehension. That's what he got for smoking his brains out, all right.

Carlos took a step closer and crouched into a readied position. I did the same. I almost gagged from the smell of smoke. It reeked all the way down to the knots of his tightly woven dread locks. Absolutely repulsive if you ask me. I'd just have to make this quick.

The trainer blew the whistle and I hit the ground before I even realized that I had been knocked out. All I saw was a flash of brown, an odd cushioning feeling, courtesy of the Cuban's overweight stomach, and the putrid smell of sweat and grime.

Carlos guffawed from above. "Man, that guy went down like a fly! How pathetic!"

I groaned and slowly came to. The back of my head ached. I blinked spots out of vision. For a moment, I saw a green, winged bunny fly into view. I shook my head and focused on a bright pair of blue orbs instead. They eventually pulled me into focus.

I spluttered when I realized that it was Alfred hovering over me. "W-what…the…hell…" I wheezed.

"Long time no see, eyebrows!" Alfred grinned down at me. I had the sudden urge to sucker punch him in the throat. I would have done exactly that had it not been for the nausea I felt when he helped me to my feet.

After that, I tried to avoid Alfred as best as I could. I ignored him despite the concerned looks that he kept sparing my way. I had already earned myself the nickname of 'butterfly' in the group because of my poor performance from earlier. It didn't help that Alfred's jab at my 'caterpillar-like' eyebrows had inspired such a 'friendly' rite of passage in the first place.

Fine then! I'd buy into their repressive psychological games just to spite them. One day I'd fly over all of those idiots and really show them who's boss. Well, at least some manic Spaniard in our group seemed to be excited about doing just that.

Training continued and despite the grudge that I felt towards Alfred from well, you know, him being a twat and all, I had to commend the guy for keeping Carlos's ego in check. The Cuban hadn't stood a chance. Alfred had had him pinned in two seconds flat.

"Wow," I remarked with raised eyebrows. "You're really good at this."

Alfred, who appeared surprised at the fact that I had actually decided to give him the light of day, grinned brighter than ever before. I had half the mind to ward my eyes with sunglasses.

"I sure am!"

…

The teacher sighed, disappointment evident on their face as they handed Alfred the results of his written exam.

Alfred frowned and brought the paper up to his face for further inspection. The D+ burned into his mind, but it didn't quite register just yet.

In desperate need of having his ego validated, the American turned to the smirking Briton, who was holding up his own test as if it was epitome of Jesus himself.

"What did ya get, Artie?"

Arthur's chest swelled something similar to that of a blowfish. "A+."

Alfred frowned. "Wow," he remarked with a familiar yet completely unoriginal sense of déjà vu. "You're really good at this."

Arthur gloried. "I sure fucking am."

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

During the course of our training, Alfred and I had struck up an unlikely friendship. He wasn't all that bad, actually. We complimented each other's skills quite well and got along for the most part. Where he was good at the physical, I was good at the mental elements of police work. And after pulling a gruelling amount of all-nighters, courtesy of several red-bulls, countless existential crises, and the odd sobbing fit, Alfred miraculously passed our final written exam.

And no thanks to him, I was able to pass our physical exams too. I owe it all to that bloody megaphone of his. I still had night terrors from him shouting into my face and pouring ice water down my trousers. Every morning he would haul me over his shoulders and drag my sorry ass to the football field, where we would run, box, wrestle, and if the time called for it and we were angry enough, strangle each other until the other person turned an unhealthy shade of purple.

But we made it, and that's all that matters in the end. Training was torture, and yet I see nothing but bright futures for the both of us. The sleepless nights, degrading comments, and cruel pranks were nothing more than fads of the past. Graduation came and went in the blink of an eye.

We were cops now, for fuck's sakes! That warrants at least some form of celebration. My hopes and expectations were high, and I know for a fact that Alfred felt the very same way. He had a strong sense of justice for where I had a superior founding of moral intellect, and together we would be unstoppable. The policing role suited us perfectly if you ask me.

God! I just couldn't wait to get out there and serve the common good of society! The thought of doing such a thing was exhilarating. Mind boggling. Thrilling. Oh woe is me, I sound just like an anxious school girl gushing about her first crush! What can I say? I _love_ my job!

…

I fucking hate my job. I doubt that we were serving the common good of society by guarding the mall against local delinquents. How terrifying! What's more, most of those punks had no respect for the badge. Not one smidge at all. It didn't matter that Alfred and I were equipped with a Taser and a pair of handcuffs, because in the end, a mall cop was viewed as a joke among law enforcement. We just weren't taken seriously.

Alfred was as stubborn as always and was therefore having an immense amount of difficulty in accepting this. His justice-driven mind refused to accept the fact that he and his respective position were irrelevant in the grand scope of things. I, on the other hand, had already succumbed to the realization that us newbies wouldn't be getting a break anytime soon. A patrol shift was a _long_ way ahead in our policing careers. And so, for the mean time at least, we would just have to put up with getting the short end of the stick. Basically, we were bottom feeders in an oppressive system of donut-eating shitheads and unfair preferential treatment. Alfred and I would have to prove ourselves if we wanted to move up in the ranks.

The inevitable paradox of this statement was that we could hardly prove ourselves given our current post. Preventing the occasional teen from robbing a clothing store wasn't exactly a heroic feat.

I sighed and crossed my arms, looking down at my spotless black slacks. I had always made a point to maintain an orderly, well-kept appearance. Us officers were held to a much higher standard in society and the least that I could do was look the part. Our uniform consisted of a navy blue, crew cut t-shirt, matching trousers made out of the same unbearably rough and itchy material, and a velcro duty belt containing a can of pepper spray, a taser gun, and a pair of handcuffs. We were armed, but not very well, which was surprising considering the fact that America's police forces have become increasingly militarized over the years. I suppose that having a gun wouldn't be necessary in the context of dealing with pothead hooligans and the occasional skateboarder. As you can see, my job is just tingling with excitement.

Speaking of which, Alfred was certainly worked up about something. At this current moment, he was attempting but failing miserably at reprimanding an impish-looking little boy. I smirked and watched the scene unfold from afar. Alfred's eyes gleamed daggers behind his glasses, his face reaching an all-time boiling point of frustration.

"Come on, little man," Alfred groaned. "You _really_ don't want to test me right now."

The boy looked no older than eight years old. He had blond hair, blue eyes, and a toothy smile that showed off way too much of his pink, sugar-eroded gums. Oddly enough, he was wearing a sailor's uniform. Perhaps he was a cadet?

The boy grinned and teasingly rolled a ball of chewed-up gum between his index finger and thumb. He then made a move to reach under a nearby food court table. The little bugger intended to stick it there.

"Dude!" Alfred waggled his finger, but the little boy was having none of it. "I said no."

The boy moved his arm. Alfred spoke slowly and cautiously, purposely drawing out his speech. The sake of a perfectly good table was on the line, after all. "Nooooo," Alfred warned, treating the child as if he was a dog whose behavior could be shaped just by tone alone.

The boy complied and receded his arm. Alfred sighed with relief only to give an exasperated sigh when the boy made a move to stick the gum under the table again. "Jesus Christ! Look kid, I didn't want to do this, but you've left me with no choice. Where's your mom? I'd like to have a quick word with her."

"N-no! Y-You can't tell my m-mum," the boy sniffled, conveniently coming to terms with his inferiority and lack of power over the situation. "I-I'll get in t-trouble…"

A shit disturbing grin crept onto Alfred's face. "Watch me."

I averted my gaze when the boy began to bawl his eyes out, screaming bloody murder on the big bad cop who had allegedly made him feel bad. It goes to say that Alfred got the slap of his lifetime from the boy's mother. I could barely contain my laughter when Alfred took the walk of shame back to our post by the mall's third floor escalator.

Alfred glared at the ground and leaned up against the glass over railing, but not before aiming a pointed look in my direction. "Not one word of this, Iggy," he growled in warning. I turned my head to the side and smirked. There would be plenty of time later on to berate him for referring to me with that horrid nickname. To clarify, my middle name was Ingrid and Alfred pretty much called me anything but my actual real name. No matter, there were far more important tasks at hand than admiring the red, five-star hand print on Alfred's face.

We stood there for what felt like hours. My eyes lazily scanned over our surroundings, except this time, something wasn't quite right. I spotted two suspicious figures lurking by the far end of the food court. The first hoodlum was wearing a beige camouflage jacket, which was complimented by the blue and white pin-striped scarf that he wore around his neck, and ripped skinny jeans. He was tall, had spiked platinum blond hair and wore a stoic expression on his face.

The second hoodlum was much shorter and had choppy blond hair that hung just under his chin. He was wearing a black t-shirt under a green hoodie, and baggy army pants, but what struck me odd about this guy was that his movements were erratic and nervous. He looked cautious and tense, almost as if he was afraid of being watched.

My mind switched to high alert. It didn't help that hoodlum number one had his hands suspiciously shoved into his pockets. Not to mention the fact that hoodlum number two kept reverting to patting his own jean pocket every now and then. I turned to Alfred, who was already more than aware of the two potential culprits. From the looks of it, we were about to intercept some sort a drug deal.

I stepped forward only to stop when Alfred held out his hand. I cocked my head to the side as he mouthed something incoherent to me. I heard and understood absolutely none of it. He then proceeded to communicate his thoughts with bizarre, even more nonsensical hand gestures. I suppose that he was trying to convey a plan of approach. Unfortunately, I wasn't fluent in dumbass sign language.

"For the love of God, there's no need to complicate matters!" I snapped. "Let's just head over there and scope things out."

And that's what exactly what we did. Alfred's ego had taken a swell for the worse as the possibility of catching a supposed bad guy was a target fresh on his mind. He stepped with large strides of confidence; whereas, I conducted myself in a swift and stern manner. I had half the mind to put Alfred on a leash. He was a bloody embarrassment to the entire police force, that's what he was.

The two hoodlums halted their conversation as we approached them, twin sneers of distaste plastered onto their snotty faces. I sized up the taller one and returned his glare. Moreover, I still didn't like the way that the shorter one's right hand kept hovering near his front jean pocket. Just what was he hiding in there?

As always, Alfred was quick to jump the gun. "Is there a problem here, _boys_?"

The taller hoodlum sneered at Alfred, causing the scar above his left brow to wrinkle. "I don't know, _officer_ , is there?" he inquired. I furrowed my own brows. He had an odd accent. Dutch maybe? Regardless, his voice wasn't a very pleasant one to listen to. It was full of spite and challenge. It certainly looked like we did have a problem here, after all.

Alfred's chest puffed up in retaliation, but I was quick to cut him off. The last thing that we needed right now was to escalate tensions, especially since we were standing in the middle of a public space. "Well, to be fair, it is a bit suspicious to be lurking around the back of a food court," I said, looking the shorter one up and down as I did so. His jumpy movements were becoming increasingly concerning.

"We'll do whatever we damned well please! We aren't doing anything wrong, so there's no need for you to stick your noses in places where they don't belong!" the shorter one huffed, speaking for the first time. He was gruff and quick to the point. Something told me that he was someone who spoke only when it was absolutely necessary.

Both hoodlum's were now baring their teeth at us. The spiky-haired one in particular was grinding a tooth pick with his back molars.

Alfred revolted. "Now you listen here, you little punk! We're the law! You owe us your full respect! Isn't that right now, Iggy?" Alfred turned to me for confirmation. I was too busy wrinkling my nose to pay any attention to his futile attempt for validation.

"Alfred?" I questioned. "Does something smell odd to you?"

Both hoodlum's eyes widened in alarm.

Alfred snapped back into focus. He was a blood hound searching for the source of the acrid smell wafting through the air before us. "Yeah," Alfred unconsciously moved into a crouched stance. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that I smelled weed."

The shorter hoodlum inhaled sharply.

Alfred and I exchanged looks of smug understanding.

"Boys," I grinned. "You wouldn't mind if we did a quick pat down, now would you?"

I took a step forward. "After all, we have more than a probable cause to do so."

Alfred beamed, looking at the hoodlums as if they were a nice, juicy hamburger.

In a flash, the taller hoodlum struck out his hand, landing a blow right under my chin. I crumpled to the ground and blinked the stars out of my eyes. Alfred screamed something incoherent, most probably in the name of justice, and took after the scrambling teens. The sound of Alfred's whistle rang across the food court. Crowds of people parted to avoid the ongoing police chase.

I swore under my breath and climbed to my feet, ignoring the nausea I felt as I did so. I sprinted around the corner and took another sharp left. My eyes scanned around the area, overlooking the perturbed faces of the average folk only to falter when I spotted the trail of a familiar striped scarf heading towards the second floor.

"Oh no you don't!" I growled. The second hoodlum's footsteps pounded against the moving surface of the escalator, running down despite the fact that it was going up. I ran up to the glass railing and placed my hands over the brass rim. I looked down three stories and watched the hoodlum sprint and push his way through disgruntled swarms of people.

I knew that I didn't have much time. I took a quick detour to the manual stairs, and clambered down them like no tomorrow. I rounded the corner just in time to stop in front of the sprinting hoodlum.

"STOP!" I commanded, holding up my hand.

The hoodlum didn't make any move to stop.

Perhaps there was a language barrier at hand?

"I SAID STOP, DAMNIT!" I repeated, my voice wavering off into a pathetic sounding squeak.

The hoodlum was on a dangerous track of ploughing right into me. I moved my hand to the holster of my duty belt and pulled out my taser gun. It was all for show, really, but I'm pretty sure that pulling out a gun was a universal sign for 'stop whatever the fuck you're doing and surrender.'

This assumption was proven to be very wrong, when for the second time today, I hit the floor. The hoodlum had grabbed me by the cuff of my shirt, and as if I had weighed nothing, lifted and slammed me into the cold marble floor with a nasty-sounding **Thwack!**

The hoodlum hovered over me, his thin lips curling in distaste. I was currently gasping for air out of my more than likely punctured lungs.

"Pussy," he muttered, before leaving me to my defeated misery and sprinting away.

A crowd of half-concerned/ half-irritated civilians congregated around my sprawled out figure. I sat up, ignored the rush of blood to my face, and eventually brought myself to a stand, only to violently sway to the side.

"Good going, genius! You let him get away!"

I turned to address the scornful and critical looks from the gathering crowd. "Sir, I assure you that we've got everything under control."

"HA! SUCK MY DICK, YOU PUNY LITTLE FUCK NUGGET!" Alfred's gleeful voice rang from somewhere to my left. After placating the potential mob of angry civilians with a charming smile, I headed off in the direction of Alfred's cackles. I found him straddling 'his' hoodlum next to a smoothie stand.

Alfred had pinned the shorter hoodlum to the ground, successfully holding the cussing teen's hands behind his back. The familiar jingle of handcuffs could be heard. Alfred reached into the teen's jacket and pulled out a small ziplock bag containing several grams of weed.

"HO! HO! HO!" Alfred cackled, sounding like a deranged version of Santa Claus. "What do we have here?"

The butt of my heels clacked against the ground as I hurried over to the scene. Alfred, like the proper cop he was, began to read the thrashing hoodlum his Miranda rights. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law…"

I spoke too soon. My faith in Alfred was a limited one.

Alfred furrowed his brows, the cogs of his brain turning, but failing to retrieve the most basic piece of information that we had learned back at the academy. I paled in mortification as Alfred proceeded to dry hump the hoodlum, using one hand to press the teen's face into the ground. "You have the right to…uh…you have the right to be my bitch hahahaha!"

I facepalmed. "Alfred, what in God's name are you doing?"

As always, my words went straight over his egotistical head.

Alfred beamed at me, his cerulean eyes twinkling. "Yo Iggy! Did you catch that other dude?"

The hoodlum squirmed, thankfully sparing me from answering to my previous failure. "Get off of me, you moron!"

Alfred merely humped harder. "You like that, huh? That's how it feels to have justice fuck you right in the ass!"

"So," Alfred hummed, casually slowing his humps to a gentle rocking. "What happened on your side of things?"

I grunted awkwardly. "He, uh, got away."

Alfred seemed way too happy for my response. "Ah! That's okay! At least we got one of them, am I right?"

The humping stopped. Alfred used one hand to squish the hoodlum's face into a forceful pout, while using the other to pull out his phone. The click of a camera could be heard. I glared at Alfred, who spluttered at me in question.

"What?! Am I not allowed to document my very first arrest?" he whined.

"I'm going to choose to ignore the fact that you violated just about every protocol in the book."

Alfred stood up, leaving the wriggling hoodlum on the ground for the time being. I scowled at the moronic, cheek-to-cheek grin stretching on his face.

"Iggy…."

"What is it now?!" I snapped.

"I think that this feat deserves a high five."

I sighed and grumbled a snide remark under my breath before relenting to my partner's stupidity. "I suppose you're right."

Alfred high fived me and for the third time today, I dropped to the ground. But this time it was because of laughter. No standard of professionalism would prevent me from laughing at the look on that hoodlum's face when Alfred tea-bagged his sorry ass.

Justice had been served indeed.

…

Alfred and I strolled into the police station the next morning with swaggering grins and a perky bounce to our step. Our egos were deflated ten times over when we were consequently summoned by Chief Vargas. We received many scoffs and flippant turns of the head as we walked towards the head office.

Alfred had his head bowed to the ground, looking like a puppy who had just been caught pissing on the rug. I, on the other hand, held perfectly straight posture as I knocked on the Italian Chief's door.

"Come in!" a pleasant voice sang.

Chief Vargas looked up from his desk and sent us a kind, but slightly unnerving smile. I never knew how to feel about that man. Rumour has it that his entire family used to have ties with the mafia before ultimately switching their allegiance. It would explain why the man held both an air of familiarity and charisma around him. He wore a brown pant suit and somehow managed to pull off wearing a matching fedora hat as something casual.

Chief Vargas gestured towards the two seats resting before his desk. "Have a seat, boys. We have…" the Italian man paused and waited for the office door to shut before he finished his sentence. "… _much_ to discuss."

Alfred whimpered and held onto my forearm for support. He murmured something about being targeted by a hitman. Clearly he bought much more into the rumours about Chief Vargas than I did.

I shrugged off Alfred with an indignant growl and just about dragged him into a seated position. My God, did he really expect not to get reprimanded for near molesting that hoodlum he arrested? I mean really. He could be such a baby sometimes. Well, if I could help it, I would save my ass above all else.

"Sir, if I may explain…" I started.

Chief Vargas held up a massive palm to the air, effortlessly silencing and diminishing the little amount of fight that I had left in me. "I don't want to hear it. I've just about had it up to here with you new recruits."

Chief Vargas reached over his desk to grab a cigar from a tin jar. "I swear, they grow more incompetent every year," he muttered under his breath.

"So," Chief Vargas mumbled whilst balancing the cigar between his front teeth. "You must know why I brought you boys in here today?"

Alfred shook his head back and forth in denial. I merely pretended to be indifferent.

Chief Vargas sighed and lit his cigar. "The department was left with no choice but to drop all drug charges on that punk."

"WHAT?! WHY?!" Alfred and I spluttered in mutually flabbergasted harmony.

"He wasn't read his Miranda rights," Chief Vargas answered, aiming a pointed look in our direction.

I was quick to act, and by act, I mean whack Alfred upside the head. "You bloody idiot!" I snarled. "How could you forget to do the _one thing_ they taught us back at the academy?!"

I had no choice but to feign cluelessness. Sorry, but not sorry, Alfred. I had no intention of losing my job. It was every twat for himself.

Alfred's forehead nearly smacked against the desk. "Hey!" he roared, more than eager to throw me under the bus. He knew what I was planning to do, and he wasn't about to let me get away with it.

"You were right there with me when I arrested that guy!"

I scoffed and prepared my retort, only to falter when a cold wind swept over the office. Chief Vargas cleared his throat and I consequently shrunk down in my seat. "There's a very interesting video circulating around the internet, Mr. Kirkland. Would you happen to know anything about it?"

I shook my head. "No, sir. Not at all."

Chief Vargas's pleasant sounding voice dropped to an all time low. "Really? That's interesting. Because I was under the impression that you would know about it considering the fact that you're featured in it."

My heart sunk in my chest. "Is that so?"

"Mhmm. You play the supporting role in this week's viral porn video in fact. Next to that of Mr. Jones here, who plays the lead in all of this." The sarcasm in the Chief's voice was disheartening. This couldn't be good.

"Tell me now, do you think it's appropriate for a police officer to dry-hump a civilian? Lest we forget that this video was filmed in the _very_ public space of a _mall_. "

I turned to Alfred and scowled. "This is all your fault."

"Me?! I'm not the one who suggested to teabag the guy!"

"What in God's name are you talking about?! Unlike _you_ , I actually conduct myself with a proper sense of dignity and respect!"

"Dignity my ass! That kid went to town on you!"

"Did not!" I protested.

Alfred raised a hand and knowingly flicked my sensitive temple, causing me to wince with pain. "Did fucking too!"

"Bugger off!" I bared my teeth at Alfred, who was quick to reciprocate.

Chief Vargas impatiently tapped his fingers against the desk. "If you two are done with your lover's squabble, I'd like to get this meeting over with if you don't mind."

Alfred and I roared in protest. We then stubbornly moved our chairs farther apart from each other. Chief Vargas looked like he was contemplating committing dual homicide at this point.

"I'm having you two transferred over. I'm sure that you'd much prefer that over dismissal. Am I correct in assuming that?"

Alfred and I mutely nodded our heads. After yesterday's bloody embarrassing failure, we would take any opportunity that we could get.

Chief Vargas clapped his hands together. "Great! We have an undercover program that's in desperate need of young, fool hardy officers just like yourselves!"

"Undercover program?" Alfred questioned.

"Fool hardy?" I mirrored Alfred's concern with a heavy brow.

Chief Vargas handed us two identical files. "All the information you need is included in these files. Now leave before I regret sending you to the slaughter," he hummed, chuckling lightly under his breath as if we were missing out on some kind of perverse inside joke.

Unfortunately, Alfred and I were quickly shooed out of the Chief's office by one of his many crony assistants. I hadn't had much of a chance to inquire further about the matter.

Once we were out in the hallway, I punched Alfred in the arm, and hard at that.

"Just look what you did!"

As always, Alfred was quick to diffuse any sense of responsibility. "I was only doing my job. Not to mention the fact that I actually _caught_ my perp."

"Well, at least I didn't molest mine!"

Our bickering subsequently ended when one of Chief Vargas's cronies smashed our skulls together.

"Shut up and get to work, dipshits!"

…

Chief Vargas raked a hand through his hair and chuckled to himself. "Those boys are about to be in for a rude awakening."

Another frightening thought popped into the police chief's head. He was quick to disconnect his phone and landline after that. The last thing that he needed was to be receiving angry phone calls from his hot-tempered grandson.

* * *

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 **Oh God. What did I just commit myself to? O_O**


	2. Chapter 2

**Strong, Blond, and Wrong:**

 **Arthur's POV:**

It's been one week since Alfred and I had been dismissed, albeit informally, from the 'regular' police force. Today, we would be starting our positions at a brand new investigative unit. Chief Vargas's directions had taken us to a dingy-looking church, a church that was located in perhaps the roughest part of town. On our way there, it had taken a lot of effort on my part to restrain Alfred from leaping out of his seat and tackling the local gang members that we drove past. The big oaf hadn't appreciated the 'friendly' hand gestures that we had received from those punks.

It was a good thing that I was driving too. Lord knows what Alfred would have done if he was behind the wheel. Knowing him, he would have probably harassed them by blaring the cruiser's siren and profusely declaring that he was the law and that justice would be served. I think that it's already been established that my partner's an idiot. I was simply the victim who had been caught up in all of his bullshit.

I parked the cruiser, stood up tall, and smoothed out any potential wrinkles in my uniform. I was starting all over again and making a good first impression was imperative. I was sick of constantly being associated with Alfred and his rather reckless policing tactics. This was my chance to prove to others that I was competent in my work. I may not be as tall or muscular as that hamburger-eating twat, but at least I had the brains to carefully analyze situations, and properly at that.

Alfred yawned and joined me at my side as we walked up the cracked cement steps leading to the Church's front entrance. The building looked like it hadn't been repaired since the Great Depression. A rusted sign with weathered down block letters spelled 'The Aroma of Chigi Church'. Huh, what an odd name.

Alfred didn't seem to be too worried about the haggard appearance of the building, however. He was too busy shitting bricks and clutching onto my arm to truly notice anything else. I rolled my eyes and practically heaved him through the heavy glass doors. Ha! As if there were actually any ghosts in this place. What a preposterously absurd assumption!

"Ciao! Ve, you guys must be new recruits!" A bell-like, presumably male, voice echoed across the open space of the front entrance. I looked forward and gulped down some fear of my own. A faded figure at the end of the corridor began to approach us. The lighting was dim, and the shadows casted by the colourful glass mosaics on both walls of the room only added to my sense of unease.

Alfred yelped, his nails digging a whole two inches into my forearm. "Dude, are you a g-g-ghost?"

I slapped Alfred's hand away and scoffed. "Don't be silly! Of course he's not a ghost! Um, isn't that right now, Mr…" I trailed off as the man, or rather, young boy came into clearer view.

He had a full head of copper-coloured hair and was lanky in build. The most mentionable feature about him was his rounded cheeks and boyish smile, which was touchingly warm and inviting. There was something about him that was inherently likeable. It didn't matter how eloquently he dressed. It was the simple mannerisms like the way how he bounced on the balls of his feet when he walked, or how he absently hummed under his breath that told me he was an overall joyful person to be around. Innocent and naïve was my first impression of him.

The boy's doe-like brown eyes crinkled into crescents when he laughed and brought a mocking hand to his chest. "Me? A ghost? Ve, I sure hope not! My fratello hit my head really, _really_ hard this morning, but I don't think he hit me hard enough to kill me!"

The boy held out his hand, his silver wrist watch glinting in the sun. "No need to call me Mister anything," he smiled. "Feliciano or Feli will do just fine."

I gave Feliciano a quick once-over and immediately felt inadequate. Just how rich was this guy?! He couldn't have been older than nineteen, and yet he was wearing clothes expensive enough to pay for my entire monthly hydro bill. He was wearing a black Armani dress shirt, matching dress pants, and shiny, brown slacks. The only thing that took away from his pristine appearance was the fact that there was one odd piece of hair near his forehead that stuck out from the rest of his otherwise well-kept mane of ear-length curls.

I reached out and shook hands with Feliciano. His hands were small and dainty despite the firm and confident grip that he held my hand with. "Arthur Kirkland, a pleasure," I murmured through gritted teeth. Alfred was driving me absolutely mad. It took a good elbow to his rib-cage to get him to snap out of his deliriousness and shake hands with Feliciano, whose hand had been held out awkwardly for an uncomfortable period of time.

Eventually, Alfred shook hands with Feliciano and muttered his name in between stammering like a nonsensical idiot. He was still worked up about the possibility of there being ghosts in the building. "Jones. Alfred Jones. Nice to meet ya!"

Feliciano winced and politely wrenched his hand out of Alfred's bone-crushing grip. "We should probably get going! The meeting will be starting soon~!"

Feliciano turned on his heels and began to lead us towards the chapel area. Alfred and I followed after him like lost baby ducklings. "So, are you in this program too?" I asked, my heels clacking against the marble floor in a rushed manner. Feliciano walked surprisingly fast for a person of such a small stature. Even Alfred had a hard time matching the young Italian's pace.

Feliciano turned back to look over his shoulder. "Gods no! I can't keep a secret for the life of me." A sad expression crossed over Feliciano's face. "Although, I do have a lot of friends who are undercover right now. Just once, I wish my fratello would let me join them on their mission. Maybe one day I'll finally be able to convince him!"

"Fratello means brother right?" Alfred cut in, and very dumbly at that.

"Si! That's right!" Feliciano grinned. Alfred, the oaf, stood up tall, letting Feliciano's praise fuel his already enormous ego. The bloody American then had the audacity to send me a wink, his way of saying ' _keep up with the program, Iggy_.' Blast that patronizing git!

My brows furrowed in confusion. "What's your job here then?"

"Oh, I just do all the paper work. Nothing too important, heh," Feliciano shrugged. "Lovi's the one who does most of the work around here."

"Who's Lovi?" Alfred asked.

Feliciano pushed open the grand wooden doors that led into the chapel area, winking as he stepped aside to let us through. "Don't worry," he smirked, and rather cryptically at that. "You'll find out soon enough."

An odd sense of deja-vu overcame me. I'm almost certain that I've heard this somewhere else before…

Feliciano was gone before Alfred and I knew it. The last thing we heard before we stepped into the chapel area were the echoes of Feliciano's frilly-sounding giggles.

Alfred and I exchanged confused looks before we shrugged and entered the main church area. No more than ten people were in the room. They were widely dispersed amongst the wooden benches. Alfred and I took a seat at the back to avoid their stares. I cocked my head to the side. Why were we the only people wearing our uniforms? Were we even in the right place?

I looked around, which didn't help to alleviate my confusion. At the front of the room there stood a wooden pedestal, which was empty at the moment, but behind the pedestal sat a familiar statue of Jesus bound to a cross. Except, it wasn't any other normal statue. At the foot of it, several boxes of pastas of all kinds were stacked on top of each other.

Alfred chuckled to himself. "Looks like we just joined a cult of pasta lovers."

I smirked. "All hail pasta Jesus." Spittle flew everywhere when Alfred just about barked with laughter. He sounded like such a dumbass that I couldn't stop myself from joining him. We were so loud that people turned back to look at us.

I spotted a familiar face sitting near the front. It was that Spaniard who we had trained with back at the academy. Antonio, was it? No matter, I had never been fond of that guy in the first place. He was a bit too cocky for me to tolerate, and that's saying a lot considering the fact that I have to put up with Alfred on a daily basis.

I wasn't exactly fond of the person sitting next to Antonio either. Call it fate, but I could tell already that we weren't going to get along very well. He was tall and slender in frame, with shoulder length blond hair, shrewd blue eyes, and a beard so faint that you could hardly call it stubble. Oddly enough, he reminded me of a frog. He kept licking his lips like a bloody creep as he looked at me over the pair of Gucci sunglasses that were haphazardly perched on the bridge of his snotty nose. I glared back at the Frog, and was about to call him out for staring when the loud clack of heels could be heard near the front of the room.

A skinny, medium-height boy in his twenty-somethings twitched over to stand by the front pedestal. He had auburn coloured hair and was wearing a crisp beige cardigan that was complimented by a burgundy under-shirt. Leering hazel eyes brushed across the room, effectively sending chills up everyone's spines. All chatter in the room died down immediately.

The boy grunted and swore under his breath as he kicked at a stray box of pasta that was lying near the middle of the stage area. Alfred inhaled sharply. I turned to look at him in irritation. "Stop being such a fat fuck," I growled in harsh a whisper. "I told you that we'd go out for lunch after this."

Alfred shook his head. "Don't you know who that is?!" he hissed.

Alfred took my silence as his answer. "That's _the_ Lovino Vargas! I heard that he took down the entire Russian mafia with nothing more than his bare hands and a basket full of tomatoes!"

My eyes widened in realization, and Alfred very unnecessarily punched my shoulder out of excitement. "Dude, I'm _so_ getting his autograph after this!" he gushed.

I had to concur with Alfred on this one. Lovino Vargas was very well-known throughout the police force. On top of being the Chief's grandson, he was one of the best undercover agents that the force had to offer. During the height of his career, he was known for taking down entire crime syndicates, but more famously for his 'Romano' persona. Romano was the Mafioso identity that Lovino assumed when he did his undercover work. Unfortunately, just a year back, his position had been compromised by a close relative, and he had no choice but to resort back to conducting traditional investigations. It was quite a pity, really.

My response was cut short when the explosion of a shout swept across the room. "Che palle! Is this how you show respect to your superior?! Stand the fuck up, you cocky pieces of shit!"

Everyone in the room stood up abruptly. Lovino's thin lips stretched into a disgusted sneer. "Now that's more like it!"

"Welcome to hell, otherwise known as project 21 Hump Street. Now before you bitch at me and ask a shit ton of stupid ass questions, it's important to reflect on why you're all here. Look closely at your neighbors; what do you all have in common?"

Lovino stepped down from the stage and began to patrol up and down the aisle resting in between the wooden benches. Those smart enough looked down to avoid eye contact. Each clack of his heel caused me to wince, albeit involuntarily. Alfred's heavy breathing to the right of me indicated that he was just as scared as I was.

"You are here, simply because you're all angsty-looking motherfuckers. Your task is simple. You will be going undercover as high school students. My job is to bring out your stereotypes and ensure that you blend in with the rest of the pimple-popping herd. Now, I know what you're thinking. That I'm just your typical, temperamental Italian man. Well, screw your judgmental asses for thinking that! I worked my fucking ass off to get where I am today! It wasn't just my anger that helped me take down the Russian drug ring! It was my knowledge of how to use my anger to my own advantage that helped me in the long run."

"What I'm trying to say, is that embracing your stereotypes is one of the most crucial aspects to this kind of work. The stronger that you can fit in with the role, the more credible that you'll be when it comes to forming bonds, gaining information, and acquiring informants."

Lovino cleared his throat, turned on his heels, and set off towards the front of the room. "For starters, why don't we point out some of the common tropes in _this_ room?" No one said a word. Lovino's words were like God's. You didn't challenge him out of fear of being smited, with ruthless insults that is.

Lovino stopped in front of Antonio, who was smirking for whatever reason (with the look on his face you would think that he had just seen the love of his life), and jabbed an accusatory finger at the Spaniard's forehead.

"Take this guy for this example. Yes, I'm talking to you, 'Smiley Mc Dumb Fuck'. I bet that this guy gets laid all the time, but give him one math problem to solve and he'll curl up in in the fetal position and cry like a little bitch."

Antonio's smile fell, while the Frog next to him teared up and choked on his own spit. His stupid 'honhonhon' laugh was extremely irritating to listen to. It was just my luck that Lovino ripped that Frog's tongue right out of his pretentious mouth. "What's so funny, man-slut with a weave? Too busy jerking off to your friend's misery to say anything?"

The Frog simply averted eye contact from there on in. Lovino quickly got bored and moved on to making fun of other people. It was all fun and games until Lovino stopped to stand before Alfred and I. Lovino was about the same height as me, but that didn't stop Alfred from cowering in his presence.

"Didn't anyone tell you fuckers that this was an undercover operation?" Lovino lowered his voice into a harsh whisper.

"N-no sir, we weren't told any-"

Lovino was quick to cut me off when he made a grand gesture at Alfred's slumped over figure. "Or what about this moron? He's what I like to refer to as 'Strong, Blond, and Wrong'. Shaped like a brick, and just as dumb as one too."

I bit my lip to stifle a smirk, ignoring the daggers that Alfred was sending my way. Another pair of angry eyes latched onto me, and it was then that I realized I was a goner.

"Got anything to add, eyebrows?"

I mutely shook my head in horror.

Lovino grinned and proceeded to dig right into my already weak self-esteem. "This pussy is almost too easy to categorize! Lanky, insecure, nerdy as fuck, and most definitely a die-hard Doctor Who fan!"

Alfred bent down to whisper into my ear. "You do have an unhealthy obsession with that show," he conceded.

I grimaced. "Bollocks, he's right. I totally do."

…

After a quick change of clothes (luckily Alfred had an extra pair of sweats in his gym bag, even if they were enormous on me), Lovino had all the recruits stand next to each other in a horizontal line. Alfred was standing to my right, and to my left stood a pale-skinned girl with platinum blonde hair and sharp, indigo eyes. She looked like a doll, as indicated by her child-like face, short stature, and the cutesy white bow fixed into her hair, but don't let her delicate appearance fool you. Alfred had a knife pressed to his throat before he had even considered the thought of flirting with her. Only Pasta Jesus would know how she had managed to sneak that weapon into a church of all places. Dear God, I've just succumbed to the satire of it all, haven't I?

Lovino, as per usual, was pacing back and forth, leering at those who were brave enough to establish eye contact with him. "Rule number one of Hump street…" Lovino looked expectantly to a girl with long, honey-brown hair. "Héderváry?"

"Do not get expelled," Héderváry answered with confidence, batting her lashes at Lovino as she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. Her flirtatious behaviour went right over Lovino's head, however. The Italian was disappointed and was looking for a new victim to prey on.

"Correct. Nobody in the system knows that you're here. Get expelled, and you'll get your sorry ass kicked out of Hump Street."

Lovino stopped to stand in front of the cold woman situated next to me. "Rule number two, Arlovskaya?"

The Belarusian's voice sent a cold chill across the room. "Do not have sexual relations with a student or teacher."

Lovino nodded his head in acknowledgement before turning around to aim a sharp glare at the Frog. "Man-slut, I'm looking at you."

Alfred snickered. I hissed at him to shut up, but the damage had already been done.

Lovino was clacking over to us in no time. The Italian's sharp chin stuck out to look up at the much larger American, his nostrils flaring. "You too, tweedle-dick."

Alfred coughed. "I'm sorry, what?!"

"Don't you play dumb with me," Lovino unabashedly pointed towards Alfred's crotch area. For reasons that will forever escape me, Antonio whimpered out of jealousy.

"You keep that disgusting bulge in your white ass Tommy Hilfiger jeans, you hear me?"

Alfred's jaw gaped open in shock. Blast. I should probably say something. Any good friend would, and so I did. That was my first and only mistake.

"Excuse me, Lovino?" I wavered and was quick to correct myself. "Uh, ahem, sir? I know that we probably don't look like the most competent pair of the bunch, but I can assure you that we take our job _very_ seriously."

Lovino snarled and placed both hands on his hips. At least now I didn't have to worry about him strangling me to death. "Was I talking to you, Browzilla?"

"B-browzilla?!" I spluttered.

Lovino wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Go get yourself some damn fucking tweezers. I feel like I'm reliving puberty all over again just by looking at your face."

I blinked at him in confusion.

"Pubic hair, motherfucker! It's all over your face!"

 _Oh…_

I was too flabbergasted to say anything after that. The rest of the lecture was a blur for me. I only snapped back into focus when Alfred and I were summoned into Satan's lair. Or at least that's what the Frog liked to refer to as Lovino's office anyways. I wonder what type of character degradation he would have us go through this time.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Yikes, it's been a while since I last updated. But not to worry, I'll never abandon a story. Especially this one. Updates with me can either be really quick or slow. I have no chill, eheh.

And yes. This chapter was most definitely named after Pasta Jesus lmfao. Enjoy!

* * *

 **A Dining Revelation:**

 **Arthur's POV:**

Lovino cracked his knuckles in a threatening manner. Alfred and I both gulped as the Italian shoved his desktop screen so that it was facing towards us. A YouTube video was already opened on the browser. Lovino clicked the mouse to start the video, leaning back into his leather swivel chair with a grim look on his face. It was quite the contrast from his usual and dare I say 'chronic' pissed off mood.

Lovino slapped a hand against his desk, causing me to jolt up with surprise and Alfred to wet his pants a little. "Watch closely, dipshits," he muttered.

The video started, revealing a young Asian teen with shoulder length brown hair and almond-shaped eyes sitting before the camera. He was wearing a traditional burgundy duanga with black piping and inexplicably oversized sleeves. To me, he didn't look anything like your typical delinquent. He had a harmless expression on his face that didn't arouse any suspicion on my part.

The boy held up a small plastic packet that contained a thumb-tack sized pill. " _Sup! The name's Leon. Um… so yeah. There's been a lot of hype about this drug in my school, so I thought that I would give it a try too_."

The camera zoomed in to show the wry smirk on the boy's face. "Cheers, bitches."

Lovino reached over to pause the video. Alfred and I both looked to him expectantly. "There's a new synthetic drug going around under the street name: FMA."

The Italian clicked the play button again.

" _Oh fuuuuuuck! Fuck me in the ass! Oh fuck! Fuuuuuuck_!" Eyes wide as saucers, and cheeks rosy from non-existent exertion, Leon rocked back and forth on the foot of his bed, hugging his knees to his chest.

"Dude! I can't believe that he put this on the internet!" Alfred exclaimed.

Lovino glared darkly at the American, silencing him immediately.

A slide decorated in bold neon letters with a black background flashed onto the screen.

 **Stage 1: The Giggles**

The video panned in to show a close up of Leon's face. The teen, as demonstrated in random, short jump cuts was shown giggling uncontrollably, holding up his pet shiatzu in Simba formation, twirling around and dancing like a ballerina, and attempting to twerk, but failing miserably as he banged his shin on the foot of his bed.

 **Stage 2: Tripping Major Ballsack**

Leon stared blankly at the camera, his mouth parted open in horror. " _What if aliens really_ do _exist?"_

 _"What if Trump is secretly an orange-skinned lizard person planning to take over the world? Locker talk? More like lizard-talk, am I right?"_

" _What if…what if countries had their own anthropomorphic representations? Brooooooooo. No fucking way. That's such a good idea for an anime_!"

 **Stage 3: Over Falsity of Confidence.**

With a red rose dangling out of his mouth, and a ukulele in hand, Leon winked at the camera. " _Yo, Emil, want to go to the fall formal with me? Haha, just kidding. I already know that the answer is yes."_

 **Stage 4: Fuck Yeah Motherfucker!**

The dubstep music in the background picked up. Leon, who was now shirtless, fist pumped the air, kicking everything in sight.

The video then switched to a scene of the boy hovering over a makeshift fire in his bedroom. In the middle of the pyre was a massive stack of textbooks, most of which were of science and math related subjects.

 _"TRY ME BITCH_!" Leon clapped his chest with both hands, imitating an angry gorilla impeccably.

 _"I AIN'T GOING TO BE NO DOCTOR!"_ Apparently, he was also impeccable at imitating a stereotypical angry black woman. I'll admit, this kid had talent. He probably wouldn't get very far in life with these skills, but he was still nonetheless very amusing to watch.

 _"I-I'LL…BECOME A…A POPSTAR! YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO!"_

Alfred and I chuckled at the utter ridiculousness of watching Leon sing an off-key version of Abba's Dancing Queen.

"Man! This kid is awesome!" Alfred exclaimed, wide-eyed and in complete awe.

I pursed my lips together to refrain from smirking myself. "Hhhhm. Yes, quite."

Lovino scoffed, opening a desk drawer to pull out a beige-coloured file. The Italian then slammed the file onto the desk, his sharp hazel eyes beckoning us to take a look at it. Alfred opened the file and frowned. It was always a sorry sight to see kids of such a young age die before they had ever really gotten a chance to live. Things like this hit Alfred much harder in particular. He wanted to save the world and everyone in it. If he wasn't careful, this unrealistic expectation would come back to haunt him later in his policing career.

" _Was_ awesome," Lovino corrected. "His parents found him OD'd in his bedroom two days ago. Now, whatever that brat took, the lab's never seen it before. He's also Asian, which means that the school board actually gives a shit. I mean, who else would be there to raise their chronically declining grade averages?"

I cleared my throat. "Ahem, sir, perhaps that's taking the stereotype approach a bit too far. Not all Asians are smart, you know." Lovino flared his nostrils. The rest of my retort crumbled to pieces and I quickly shut up, keeping my own survival at the forefront of my mind.

Lovino shifted in his seat, continuing on as if our previous exchange had never even happened. "Right now, FMA is still contained within the town's local high school, Hetalia High. Your jobs will be to make sure that this drug doesn't go viral and break contagion."

Lovino spun around in his swivel chair, reaching behind to grab another two files from a nearby filing cabinet. The Italian then opened one of the files, letting his hazel eyes scan over it one last time before he promptly handed it over to Alfred. "Jones! I've taken a look at your pathetic transcript."

Alfred blushed at the reminder of his poor grades.

Lovino smirked, taking triumph in the flustered reaction that he had roused out of the American. "I've enrolled you in a bunch of dumbass courses. Subjects like gym, fitness, and outdoor ed. Get in with the popular folk and find out who's selling the dope."

Alfred determinately nodded his head.

"Kirkland!" Lovino spun his chair around to face me, opening a new file, my file, while doing so. "It says here that you masturbated yourself dry every night in high school."

I furrowed my brows in confusion. "It says that?"

"No. But a little bit of reading didn't take me very long to put two and two together. Being president of the school's magic club doesn't exactly get you a surplus of bitches like this athletic, muscular dumbfuck over here." Lovino gestured towards Alfred, who simply grinned back in response. They didn't call him 'Hitman Jones' in the bed for nothing.

"It was the club for the Exploration of Magical, Whimsical, and Fantastically Wonderful Creatures, actually," I corrected in a low, intelligible voice.

Lovino deliberately ignored my comment. "We suspect that these fuckers are stealing equipment from the school's chemistry lab. This is what they're most likely cooking the drug with."

I flinched when the Italian pointed a slender index finger at me. The divine wrath of Pasta Jesus glinted on the sterling silver ring that he wore. "I've enrolled you in honours chemistry, physics, and, biology."

I gulped and nodded my head. I had never really been interested in the natural sciences. I was more of a literature and social sciences kind of guy, but when Lovino told you to do something, you do it. No questions asked, and hopefully, no soggy tomatoes thrown.

The Italian handed us our last two files for the mission. "Here are your new identities. Allen and Oliver Walker."

I took the file that had the name Oliver on it, and Alfred, the one with Allen. "The mission is this: Infiltrate the dealers selling that shit and find their supplier. Succeed in doing so, and I won't feel the need to castrate the both of you by the end of this. We clear?"

Alfred draped a casual arm over my shoulders. "We get to be brothers?!" His eyes twinkled the same way that they did when a McDonald's cashier had gotten his order wrong and he received a free meal in return.

I shrugged out of Alfred's arms and scowled. "Keep your greasy hands off me, you git!"

"Says the guy with a bird's nest for hair!"

"Bloody wanker, you take that back!"

Alfred's face became increasingly purple. I didn't hope to let go of the grip that I held onto his neck with.

"In your p-perverted…d-dreams!"

 **LE BAM!**

Lovino slammed his palm against the desk. "Would you two stop fucking around and take your mission seriously?!"

My hands dropped back to my sides. Alfred and I were quick to quiet down, placated by the mutual fear of Lovino's quickly spiking temper.

"Good bastards," Lovino cooed, speaking to us as if we were mere dogs.

The Italian then gestured at us with a dismissive flick of the hand. His nose was also scrunched up in what could easily be interpreted as disgust. "Now get the fuck out of my office! I need to febreeze the 'moron' out of this joint before I lose any more brain cells!"

…

Bloody hell, I can't believe that I'm actually about to do this. I sat myself down before the wooden pedestal in the chapel area and clasped my hands together in prayer.

"Dear God. It's me, Arthur. Remember? I'm the kid who couldn't make up his mind and constantly switched between Protestant and Catholic churches, like a child of a divorced couple moving houses every other week."

At the time, I was far too focused to hear Alfred's smug laughter in the background.

The American had a hand cupped to his face. Several fat tears were leaking out of his eyes.

"Anyways, er, I just thought that we could have a little chat, if you don't mind. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, even if the tasks are somewhat questionable from time to time. Being a police officer gives me a sense of purpose in life. It allows me to contribute to society in a way where I don't feel like I'm worthless, that I'm someone who children can look up to and aspire after."

"But here's the thing. I'm scared. High school was absolute hell for me. It took me a long time to overcome the constant demoralization and belittling that I faced there. And now that I have to go back, I have no idea what to do with myself."

"This job means the world to me, and I know that Alfred and I may not be the best cops in the world, but we try our best, and that's all that matters in the end, right? I'm praying to you now because I don't want to screw up this mission. So, if you could use those almighty hands of yours to sprinkle some luck along **our path to** make this town a safer place, it would be very much appreciated."

I nervously scratched the back of my head. "Um…er…that's all I suppose. Thanks for being a mate and listening to me ramble on like that."

A high-pitched voice rang across the room. "Pasta Jesus believes in you, mio figlio! I see much success in your future!"

Alfred's jaw dropped. "What the hell?! Did Pasta Jesus just speak?!"

My face and neck reddened as I turned around to see an equally shocked Alfred standing behind me. "Since when did you get here?!" I snapped.

Alfred's face paled. "Uh, dude…that's probably not the question you should be asking right now…"

 **BANG!**

The slamming open of a glass door could be heard.

Lovino, whose office was on located on the second floor of the church, stomped into view. The Italian placed both hands onto the balcony railing overlooking the chapel area. "OI! FELICIANO! STOP FUCKING PRETENDING TO BE GOD, GOD DAMNIT!"

Feliciano sighed and stepped out from behind the Pasta Jesus statue. "But fratello!" he whined. "I was only trying to help, ve~! And you shouldn't swear in a church! It's not right!"

So Feliciano was Lovino's brother? How odd. Those two were polar opposites on the likeability scale. It was like comparing a vicious velociraptor to a harmless, chubby-cheeked bunny. One slayed while the other offered warm hugs and compliments. Overall, discovering their relationship to one another was quite unexpected.

"I don't give a flipping fuck! I'll swear whenever the hell I want!"

Feliciano pouted his lips. His attempts to calm down his fuming brother were long forgotten. "I'm lonely. There's nothing to do around here but fill out boring paper work. I miss Luddy!" he moped, widening his eyes into a pretty damn impressive puppy dog expression.

But alas, Lovino hated everything, including puppies.

"Well your precious potato won't be coming back anytime soon. He's on a mission, remember? Oh wait, that's right! You have an attention span the size of a fucking meatball! And a shitty-tasting one at that!"

Alfred and I's head bobbed back and forth, confusedly watching the two siblings have it out with one another.

"Why do you have to be so mean?!" Feliciano huffed, crossing his arms and looking up to give his brother the evil eye, which didn't even look all that angry to be brutally honest. Perhaps he looked a bit disgruntled, but certainly not the level of lividness that he had initially been aiming for.

Lovino threw his hands up in the air, completely exasperated. "I'm just doing my fucking job! Shit! Are you crying?"

Feliciano sniffled and turned away. "N-no."

Lovino facepalmed. "Oh, fine. I'll call up the potato and let him speak to you, but only for five minutes, you hear me?"

Feliciano sprinted up the staircase so quickly that I had to blink twice to fully register his movements. It wasn't long before Lovino was being smothered in a friendly, overbearing brotherly hug. "Si! Graci! Graci! You're the best big brother in the whole wide world~!"

Lovino's face reddened considerably, awkwardly reaching out to pat his younger brother's back. "Y-yeah, yeah. Whatever. Now get off, you're causing my shirt to wrinkle."

Feliciano pulled away from the hug, raising his right hand to salute Lovino. I'm almost certain that I heard Alfred squeal from the cuteness of that very action. "Roger that, Lovi!" Feliciano grinned.

"Che, I thought I told you not to call me that here," Lovino grumbled.

"Oops! My bad~"

"Dumbass."

Lovino looked down to aim a sharp glare in Alfred and I's direction. "What are you fuckers still doing here?! Your mission started two hours ago!"

"Uh…?" And thus, we have yet another brilliant comment from the all-American jackass.

Thankfully, Alfred's dazzling insight went unheard by the fuming Italian.

Lovino waved a threating fist in the air. "You better get your lazy asses moving before I come down there and drop kick you out myself!"

Alfred and I both sighed. "Yes sir."

* * *

 **Next Chapter Arthur and Alfred go under cover for the first time. You can expect to see the Nordics.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hello everyone :D. First things first, sorry for the several months hiatus. The thing is, I had too many stories going on (still do), and since this fic had the least amount of responses, I had to drop it for some time.

I want to hear from you guys because it's what makes writing stories online fun :) Otherwise, I'll devote my attention elsewhere (like writing my own book woo, half way done!). Authors really like reviews, and it's awesome to see that people take the time to click the follow and favourite button. I'll never understand why people who have accounts don't at least follow stories. I always get so lost without the email alerts lmao. * _insert ancient sponge bob blur meme*_

Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter. For those new here, I hope you do too! Many thanks to those who care about this story and support it, and to my Beta reader **NebulaZee** for polishing off the grammar mistakes my tired brain made at the late hours of the night. Especially to those who PM'd me during the hiatus. That was really too sweet for words.

All righty! To make things easier for you guys to read, I made each Kirkland brother's name correspond to the first letter of their country, save for Scotland.

 **Scotland:** Alistair

 **Wales:** William

 **Ireland:** Isaac

 **Nolan** : Northern Ireland

Happy reading~!

 **-Ella**

* * *

I had fallen asleep in the car, exhausted and tuckered out from being repeatedly insulted by Lovino. A man, especially with a fragile ego like mine, could only withstand so much beratement, I'm afraid.

Alfred was the one driving, sitting cramped in the driver's seat and not looking very happy about his predicament. Since we were to pass as teenagers, Alfred's SUV wouldn't have sufficed as an appropriate ride. We needed to fit in, not stand out and arise suspicion.

Turns out that my pale blue mini-cooper was given the okay by our superiors, and thus this was the car that we would be using to get to and fro. Initially, Alfred wanted to rent out an old sportscar from the force's warehouse of impounded vehicles, but the vintage look was no longer in among teens these days. They liked cars that were small, cute, dainty, and most important of all, environment friendly; in other words, anything that wasn't a gas-guzzler like Alfred's precious 'Amelia.'

As of now, we were driving to the home where we would be residing for the duration of our undercover mission. I could only hope that the host parents were kind and non-intrusive. As you can see, I was still recovering from the trauma of my own childhood, one that was riddled with excessive bullying, put-downs, nuggies, filth, and spittle.

Speaking of which.

I opened my eyes groggily as Alfred began to slow the car. This neighborhood looked extremely familiar, now that I think of it. We were in the middle of suburbia:

I recognized the summer BBQ kits laying out on the pristinely cut ever-green lawns; the cobble-stone pathways that were long cracked and broken due to the shenanigans of clumsy children; the curtain-less windows for nosy neighbors to spy on each other…

We were in my old neighborhood. But why?

Alfred pulled the car to a stop, stretching his neck with a groan. "Remind me again why they make cars _this_ small?" he complained. "Yikes! I'm _so_ going to be sore from this in the morning!"

"Not every car is made for an oaf like you," I mumbled numbly, refusing to look to my left. We were idling outside of my childhood home. Maybe if I didn't look at my tormentor, he wouldn't dare to engage.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean they should make cars hobbit-sized either," Alfred snorted.

I didn't waste any energy on answering his retort. As expected, Alfred continued to make conversation, clueless to the fact that all colour had been drained from my face.

"So, this is where we'll be staying, huh? What's that word you Brits use? Oh yeah, posh! This neighborhood is super posh! Oh, I wonder if that red-headed dude is going to be our host Dad…"

Alfred let his gaze fall on Alistair, the eldest brother of my family. Said twit was parading and gliding across the lawn with his lawnmower, kicking aside the spare lawn gnome aside with an evil grin on his ugly mug of a face.

I caught Alistair's gaze at the wrong time, which gave him the unwanted invitation to drive up to Alfred's side of the car and knock on the window. Of course, he was wearing his favourite blue kilt, as he refused to wear any undergarments otherwise, and a matching knitted sweater. He was the tallest and strongest of my family, with bright, fiery-red hair that fell to his ears, the characteristic sharp green eyes that the entire Kirkland family possessed, and had eyebrows just as bushy and untamed as mine.

True to being a social butterfly, Alfred rolled down his window with a mirthful chuckle, his sunny cerulean eyes kind and welcoming. "That's quite the ride you got there," he commented.

"Why thank you, lad," Alistair shouted over the drones of his lawnmower. He didn't even bother to compliment the car we were driving in. I grit my teeth in agitation.

"You must be Alfred, yeah?" Alistair held out a leather-gloved hand to shake hands with Alfred. The twit played poker for a living and was extremely superstitious. He didn't let his bare hands touch much of anything. Regardless, this scheme must have been working for him seeing as he had bought this house at the mere age of twenty-two. Eight years have passed since.

"The name's Alistair, I'm _Artie's_ older brother."

I was still refusing to look Alistair in the eye. Examining the smudge of dirt on the passenger's window was far worthier of my time anyhow.

Alfred looked between Alistair and I, a shit-disturbing grin spreading across his face. "Really now?" he mused, shaking hands with Alistair. "Artie never told me that he had an older brother!"

"Brothers," Alistair corrected before shifting his gaze in my direction. "Artie, aren't ya going to say hullo? I know you're a wee little thing with a fragile sense of self-worth, but I raised ya better than that!"

I winced. Alistair's rough Scottish accent was triggering a chain of memories that I would rather prefer to keep suppressed. You see, since my parents travelled a lot for their work, all my siblings were born in different countries. Alistair was born in Scotland, hence the Scottish accent, William was born in Wales, Isaac was born in Ireland, I was born in England, and Nolan, the youngest of us all, was born in North Ireland.

Alistair was the first to move to America. He quickly became rich from his poker ventures, and had offered to have his 'dearest little brothers' move in with him as opposed to constantly moving from place to place. My upbringing was not an easy one, I'll tell you that. The best day of my life was moving out four years ago. Don't let this suburbia paradise fool you; it's a trap.

I never thought that I would return, and even now, I had no intention of going back. I was supposed to be the one putting criminals in prison, not entering it myself.

"Alfred," I growled.

"Yes, Artie?" Alfred teased.

"Close the window," I snapped. "We're going back to headquarters and getting a new rooming assignment."

Alistair barked with laughter, turning off his lawnmower and setting it to the side. "Ye haven't changed one bit, still acting like yer top shit and all! Everything's already been settled; the school has this place listed as your home address. Sorry, but yer not getting rid of me that easily. Besides, a simple phone call every now and then wouldna kill ya Artie."

I turned around to glare at Alistair, opening my mouth in retort, only to be interrupted.

"And no!" Alistair patronizingly waggled his index finger at me. "An annual Christmas card does not 'suffice' as keeping in touch with us. Now come on," he crooned. "I missed that pissy voice of yours. Say hullo to yer dearest older brother…"

"Go on, Iggy," Alfred smirked, treating me as if I were a bloody toddler. "No need to be shy."

I opened the passenger door, only to slam it shut. "Both of you can go to hell!" I spat.

Alistair sighed. "I suppose I'll take that as a greeting."

Just because I had no choice with regards to staying here at this _prison_ , that didn't mean I had to be hospitable. Dealing with family was an entirely different matter than being a guest at a stranger's house.

I stormed over to the trunk, harshly slapping it with my palm. "Open the damn trunk, Alfred!"

Both American and Scottish twit alike knew not to test my temper further. Well, at least for the meantime anyway.

Alfred clicked the button to open the trunk, stepping out of the car himself. He stretched his spine and arms, grateful that he was no longer cramped in such a small space. "Ah! Freedom at last!" he exclaimed.

Alistair whistled, giving Alfred's well-built figure a quick once-over. His muscles were still evident despite him wearing loose workout sweats.

"Yer built more like a Kirkland than delicate little Artie is!" Alistair grunted, crossing his arms in approval.

Alfred flexed his muscles. "Yep!" he grinned, a proud expression on his face. "Pops always told me that a strong body leads to a strong mind."

I repressed a scoff, rolling my eyes instead as I grabbed two suitcases from the trunk.

"That's always a relief to hear," Alistair's teasing glare softened. "When fairy boy decided to become a cop of all things, I couldn't help but worry fer him. You'll look out fer him, yeah?"

I felt my face redden: not that blasted nickname again. No, he wouldn't dare mention it…would he?

Alfred's glasses gleamed, his ego swelling beyond the borders of this 'great' country. "Of course!" he chirped.

Alistair smiled, a genuine one this time. "Now there's a good lad."

I struggled with the suitcases, hopelessly dragging them against the ground. "I can look after myself, thank you very much!" I scowled.

Both Alistair and Alfred gave me pitiful looks before snatching the suitcases from me. Wasn't it just _peachy_ how well they were getting along?

"Oi!" I cried out, scrambling after them as we walked up the driveway.

My protests were ignored.

I sulked in silence as they began to carry the rest of our suitcases into the house, refusing to accept my help. I avoided looking at Alistair's blindingly pasty, albeit hairy legs -which were extremely hard to ignore- choosing instead to re-immerse myself in the nostalgic memories of my childhood home.

The blue tiles on the roof near the chimney were still burnt from my many failed magical experiments. The vinyl panelling on the side of the house wasn't faring all that well either. The walls had been used to kick a football against, or in my case, younger brothers. The front garden bed, which had long died upon my absence, still contained the occasional supernatural knick-knack such as a metal pole with a fairy windchime attached to it and a wooden sundial.

The house and its surrounding circumference smelt like a mixture of burnt food and alcohol. Apparently, my cooking wasn't all that good, but I wasn't nearly as awful of a cook as my brothers were. Besides, slightly burnt food was good for the intestines. At least that's what Alistair always used to say when he ate my food. Funny how his face always used to redden in pride whenever I cooked for him; he was a cheeky old fart, but deep down he was a sap at heart.

"Stop lollygagging and get in here already!" Alistair growled, prompting me to snap out of my daze and hurry inside the house.

Alfred had already taken off his shoes in the vestibule. He was arm in arm with Alistair as they walked into the living room to meet the rest of my miserable family.

"Everyone, meet Alfred. He's the chap who's been looking after Artie all this while!" Alistair boomed.

I scuttled into the living room after them, avoiding the stares of my other two brothers. Looks like Nolan was still working on his marine biology degree overseas. I didn't exactly fancy him either, but since he was the youngest of us all, he usually took most of the beatings and verbal quips.

Isaac set his bottle of whisky onto the coffee table, next to his muddy combat boots which he absolutely refused to take off no matter how many times he was lectured about his ill manners. In contrast to Alistair, Isaac's hair was a mop of ginger curls. He was burly and short in build. He was also the sharpest Kirkland, and disliked me the most out of everyone. As to why, I would never know. He had even gone so far to deem me as a "rotten bugger unworthy of his time." But alas, the joke's on him, considering where we ended up in life. Isaac never finished his degree and was currently working nights as a bartender at a local pub downtown.

"Good day. The name's Isaac. Pleasure to meet you," Isaac smiled at Alfred, before turning to narrow his eyes at me. "And a shitty afternoon to you," he sneered. "What's the sour look for? Uh-oh, better get writin' in that diary before you blow that short temper of yours again," he teased. "'M not so sure that being a bobby was the right profession for you. 'Might end up shooting someone!"

"T-that diary was _explicitly_ private!" I fumed. "And I'll have you know that officers are only supposed to use their guns as a last resort! And a good afternoon to you too, you drunken jackass."

Isaac simply chuckled in response. "Looks like the academy made you even more stubborn and hard-headed than before," he guffawed, slapping a fist against the coffee table. This prompted an annoyed sigh from William.

Alfred and I both noticed the same _-illegal-_ object at once.

Alfred smiled sheepishly. "Artie," he whispered. "Is that a bong hidden underneath the table?"

"Just ignore it," I hissed back through gritted teeth. "I've tried threatening to arrest him. It doesn't work."

Alfred sighed, conflicted between his quest for justice and the want to keep his head attached to his shoulders. I was surprised to see him let this infraction of the law go. Especially since America had such hard drug laws in place.

"Aw, don't be like that!" Isaac smirked. "Brothers share everything. What was that lassie's name again? Shelly, yeah? I'll give you this, you cheeky little cunt. You wrote some darn good romantic fiction about that girl. My favourite was the one with the mermai-!"

"Not another word!" I spat, trembling from head to toe with anger.

Alfred, Alistair, and Isaac all burst out laughing, exchanging jests at my expense.

William closed his book, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He was the brother that looked most akin to me with his lanky build and dishevelled blond hair, which was just a few shades paler than mine. He was the second oldest sibling, but my favourite nonetheless. He shared my love for English literature, and was currently working on his PhD. If I hadn't become a cop, I would have likely followed in his footsteps.

"The name's William, pleasure," William turned to glance at Alfred before chastising Isaac for his crude behaviour.

"That's enough now, Isaac," William scolded. "And it's nice to have you back, Arthur. It's lonely being the only sensible one here," he smiled.

"I can only imagine," I said, smiling in reciprocation. "I brought back those books I borrowed from you, by the way. I'll return them once I've finished settling in."

William nodded his head. "All right. Feel free to take anything you like. I've added a lot to my bookshelf since you were last here."

William and I both winced when Alistair and Alfred began to horse around with each other.

I waved at William one last time -ignoring the middle finger Isaac happily flipped me off with - before heading in the direction of the second floor.

I didn't even make it past the staircase before the cringing began.

"Alistair, why in the bloody fuck do you have _that_ picture hanging up on the wall?!" I roared.

With dead eyes, I stared at a photo of my five-year-old self. I was bare chested, with nothing to cover my bottom half but a frilly pink tutu. As if that wasn't already enough, Alistair had placed a typed description under the picture frame:

 _"In loving memory of Artie's masculinity, 1994-1999."_

"Why not?" Alistair asked. "I just wanted to pay respect to my late little brother," he pouted.

"Oh, sod off, will you?!" I snarled.

I grabbed my suitcases, dragging them up the first few steps of the staircase.

"HAHAHAHA!" Alfred wiped a tear from his cheek as he inspected the blasted photo for himself. "Man! This is priceless!"

"Alfred, don't you even _think_ about snapchatting that photo! I still have the video of you throwing salt at that cinema attendant…" I threatened.

It was now Alfred's turn to pout as he grabbed his own suitcases to carry. "Can you blame a guy?" he whined. "What kind of employee is stupid enough to walk through the aisles during the middle of a scary movie?!"

"That still doesn't give you the right to tackle him and shout ' _the power of Christ compels you'_ in his ear," I retorted. "The poor bloke was deaf for an entire week."

"Fine," Alfred muttered, only to squeak when Alistair gave him a firm pat to the back.

"Best if you two get settled in. The pizza will be here in an hour. And are ye sure ye don't need any help carrying those suitcases, Artie? There's no pride fer you to maintain anymore," Alistair sung in a smug tone.

"I'll be just fine, thank you," I answered curtly, ignoring the pain in my arms.

With the promise of pizza on his mind and stomach, Alfred was moving at a much faster pace, passing by me with ease. It infuriated me how well he fit into my family.

"Oh please!" Isaac scoffed from the living room. "The only thing those noodle arms are capable of holding is that miserably limp weenie of yours! Bahaha!"

"That's it," William sighed. "No more alcohol for you. You're officially cut off."

"Oi! Unhand me, you betchy-bookworm of a buffoon!"

Alfred turned to give me a confused look, but I simply waved him forward. Once a fight started in this household, it was best to just let it end on its own terms without getting anyone else involved.

…

It was honestly insulting how well Alfred fit into this household.

I just about had to drag him upstairs to my bedroom after supper, which had included several pints of beer. Luckily, Alfred needed a lot to get drunk, so he was still coherent enough for us to go over our mission papers one last time before we called it a day.

I was lying on the top bunk, sitting cross legged and rummaging through our case files. Knowing how heavy Alfred was, I couldn't let him have the top bunk and risk getting crushed during the night. Alfred tossed and turned a lot in his sleep; I had had enough experience back at the academy to know that.

Despite how unpleasant it was to see my brothers again -with the exception of William- I truly did miss this bedroom. There was still the familiar glow-in-the-dark bunny stickers strewn across the ceiling. There was also the large wooden bookcase that contained hundreds of my utmost favourite novels (most of which were Sherlock Holmes collections). The pastel green walls of my bedroom were decorated with merch from several fandoms, although Harry Potter and Doctor Who were the most prevalent. My favourite thing of all was that the room still smelled like aged paper. This was my safe haven, and it did well to comfort my anxieties about going back to high school. I thought I had left that hell behind long ago, but apparently not.

"Would you quit fussing about your outfit and review your file already?" I grumbled, while Alfred continued to pull apart his wardrobe.

"No can do, Iggy," Alfred smirked, pulling out a navy-blue hoodie for me to inspect. "First impressions are all about how you look. I'm supposed to fit in with the cool kids, remember? So, whaddya think? _This_ with faded skinny jeans or dark ones?" he asked.

"Faded," I answered, shuffling the papers. "But you really ought to know what our cover is. Tell me, who's Allen, and who's Oliver?"

Alfred had two questions to answer, and yet he still managed to fail the test with flying idiocy.

"I'm Oliver, and you're Allen!" Alfred said proudly, smoothing at the wrinkles of his chosen outfit.

I shook my head. "No, you imbecile. _I'm_ Oliver and _you're_ Allen."

This mission was already hopeless.

"Gotcha," Alfred winked. "I still think it's pretty cool that we get to be brothers."

"Whatever," I sighed.

"Have you given your outfit any thought?" Alfred asked, causing the entire bunk to shake as he plopped down on his bed.

I furrowed my brows. "I'll probably just wear a sweater vest or a blouse. Why does it bloody matter anyways?"

Alfred gasped. "No wonder you were a loser in high school!"

"Thanks," I muttered dryly.

We spent the next few minutes searching for an outfit for me to wear, as opposed to you know, being productive.

Alfred moved to open the bottom-most drawer of my dresser.

"N-no! Don't open that!" I cried out.

Too late.

Alfred discovered my long-repressed emo phase as he pulled out several chains, fish-net style garments, leather jackets, chokers, and unopened eyeliner packages from said forbidden drawer. I reluctantly had to explain to him that during my freshman year I had really been into 'poetry'. Yes, let's just leave it at that…

This prompted Alfred to make a smug comment about my tramp-stamp guitar tattoo.

In the end, we both agreed on me dressing as an emo for the duration of the mission. It was a sure way to put me on the path to becoming a loser again. Huzzah, I suppose…

After getting dressed for bed, Alfred shut off the lights and climbed into his bunk.

I was lying on my back, staring up at the ceiling listlessly.

"Hey Iggy?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry for being such a dick to you in high school. I promise that it won't be like that this time…" Alfred trailed off, swallowing audibly.

A small smile crept onto my face. "That's quite all right, Alfred. Let's just make sure to do our jobs _properly_ this time."

Alfred chuckled weakly. "Sure thing, partner."

I leaned my arm over the bunk. "We're brothers now. I think that calls for a high five, don't you think?" I mused.

 **SLAP!**

"Bloody hell, Alfred!" I howled, cradling my elbow. "I didn't ask for you to break my arm!"

"Shit, sorry!"

"Would ye two quit sucking each other's willies and shut the fack up?!" Alistair yelled, pounding a fist against my bedroom wall.

Silence at last.

…

This so was not happening right now. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply to calm myself. Alfred had just pulled into the school's parking lot. Our mission officially started as soon as we stepped out of this car.

It was already clear by our outfits that we would be standing out amongst the sea of students shuffling about outside; fashion changed so much in just seven years. Even worse, we were starting the school year one month after the semester had officially started. It was October, which meant that most cliques would already be formed by now.

Regardless, true to my word, I was dressed like a goth. I was wearing tight black skinny jeans, a graphic Metallica t-shirt underneath a black leather jacket, black combat boots, a laced choker around my neck, and several fake piercings dotting my ears, nose, and upper brow area. I had even gone so far as to coat my eyelashes with a thin layer of mascara.

Where I was nervous and uncertain, Alfred was brimming with confidence. The way that he had his hair slicked up with gel made him look like a peacock. He was going more for a laid-back appearance with an open flannel shirt, loose denim jeans, and purposefully dirty brown lumber boots.

As Alfred gave me one last pep talk, I hugged a binder to my chest, wanting to be anywhere but here.

"Dude! No!" Alfred scolded. "All school stuff goes in your backpack! Walking out holding your binder is like a nerd's mating call for bullies. Also, make sure to wear your backpack with one shoulder only. Two-strappers are known to be at the bottom of the social food chain."

"I'm supposed to play the nerd, right?" I scowled. "If that's the case, I _should_ be holding my binder like this."

Alfred sighed. "All right. I was only trying to look out for you."

I gave Alfred a weak smile. "I'll be fine, but thank you for your concern. We'll make it through this mission successfully…we'll prove anyone who's ever doubted our skills as police officers wrong. You and I, we've always made a good team. Now let's put those skills to work."

Alfred and I bumped fists.

"True that!" Alfred exclaimed, smiling wildly.

His smile faded, and the air in the car suddenly became awkward.

"Uh, Iggy?"

"Yeah?"

Alfred's expression became sheepish. "I'm going to need you to leave the car before me. I can't be seen walking with you…"

I sucked in my breath, pretending not to be offended. "R-right," I stammered, opening the car door with trembling fingers. "I'll see you later then?"

"Yup!"

And with that, I was off, walking towards the hellish prison I thought I would never have to face again.

I heard Alfred get out of the car after me, slowing his steps so that we were a reasonable distance apart from one another.

I looked around the parking lot, feeling overwhelmed by how very clueless we were. All stereotypes that we had been taught about were wrong. Half of the students carried their books in their arms like me, and there was an even ratio for those who one-strapped and two-strapped their backpacks.

It wasn't exactly clear who the cool kids were either. Thankfully, I had done a bit of last-minute research on this website called tumblr last night. The girls with colorful wigs and bright knee-high socks were weeaboos. There were no full-on goths like me, but wearing black and leather was far more acceptable nowadays, as most people incorporated such garments into their wardrobe. I didn't find any cheerleaders, or boys wearing varsity jackets either. The fashion choices of the students were all so mixed! It was difficult to divide them into groups. The only go-to group that you could expect to find at _any_ school were the stoners. I spotted two lads, one who oddly had a cat lying on his back, smoking by the side entrance of the school.

Alfred gasped behind me. "What the heck is this place?"

Clearly, he was just as surprised as I was. No matter, I was more prepared for this than he was.

As always, I would be carrying the full burden of our workload.

I continued with my assessment, not letting my eyes linger anywhere for too long. A group of lanky boys to my right were leaning against a mini-van, heads bobbed as they played on their Nintendo 3Ds'.

 _Geeks._

At the entrance of the school, a boy with mousy-brown hair and his weird, trembling partner were rolling a projector cart up the front ramp.

 _AV Crew._

A red convertible drove into the parking lot. Several girls with bleached hair, black eyes, sharp talons for nails, and red lips stepped out of the convertible, but not before pausing to take a selfie.

 _Insta Beauty Gurus._

All breath was taken away from me when a girl with bobbed blonde hair and green eyes skated past me with her rollerblades. She was wearing a peach, long-sleeved dress with a jean jacket to cover her back and shoulders. She had such a beautiful smile. My gaze lingered on her as she skated up to a tall blond male with spiky hair and sunglasses. She took off her helmet and giggled as the boy bent down to kiss her in greeting.

I found myself looking away, disturbed by how disappointed I felt. She's a _teenage_ r Arthur, get your head out of the damn gutter.

The boy with the sunglasses spotted me ogling, and rather than getting angry, he waved me over. "Hey!" he said, his lips stretching to reveal a row of perfect straight teeth. "That's a nice ride you got there. Very environmentally friendly!"

The boy must have seen me get out of the mini-cooper but not Alfred.

Swallowing down my social anxiety, I made my way over to the boy's group. There were six of them, all of whom were dressed like hipsters whether it being the strange colours of their glasses frames, the rips and tears in their clothing, or their hats which where tilted in every possible direction. Christ, what kind of alternate universe have I just entered?

The boy with sunglasses was wearing a bright blue and yellow Hawaiian t-shirt. He was leaning against a slick black Mercedes Benz, the girl from earlier clinging to his right arm. Her lips were spread into a cat-like grin as she watched me walk over to them. Asides from her, all five boys in the group were wearing a cross necklace of some sorts. Unfortunately, I didn't know them well enough to ask about it.

"Thanks," I politely nodded my head. I made a strong effort to avoid looking at the green-eyed girl. "That's some shirt you got there. I don't think I've ever seen something like it."

I cringed inwardly. Good going, you bloody idiot. That could have easily been interpreted as an insult.

Thankfully, the boy wasn't offended easily. He pulled down his sunglasses, revealing kind indigo blue eyes. "I could say the same for you," he chuckled, eyeing my head to toe black attire.

"Hmmm yes, I suppose," I mumbled, blushing.

"You new here? You've got a pretty rad accent," he mused, despite him also having some sort of accent. Scandinavian perhaps?

"Yeah," I answered, awkwardly fidgeting with the binder in my hands. "Just moved here from England to live with my half-brother."

"Cool, very cool," the boy nodded, holding out his hand for me to shake. "The name's Matthias, nice to meet you."

I briefly shook hands with Matthias, regretting not wiping my clammy hands before I did so. "Oliver, the pleasure's all mine."

Matthias laughed. "I bet you get a lot of ladies being from England, eh?"

"Surprisingly no," I snorted.

The most surprising thing here was that I was _actually_ able to maintain a conversation with this boy.

"Well, I'm sure that won't be the case here. No _girl_ can resist a man with a dreamy accent," Matthias looked at Bella fondly, who smirked back. "Well, lemme introduce you to the squad."

"This is Bella," Matthias gestured at the girl.

"Bonjour~!" Bella chirped.

Peachy. Why was it that I was always attracted to French-speaking women?! It must have been a curse that I was born with.

"This is Lukas." Matthias pointed towards a smaller boy with blue eyes and a pale blond mop that was held back with a cross clip. What was it with these crosses? Were they part of a cult? Was that it?

Lukas mumbled a brief hello, more interested in his phone than the conversation at hand.

"Lukas," Matthias chided. "What kind of hello was that? Surely your quest to obtain social justice on twitter can wait?"

"No, it really can't," Lukas rolled his eyes. "I have an orange-skinned fear-monger of a president to oust. And quit treating me like a kid, idiot."

Unfazed by Lukas's rudeness, Matthias moved on to the next kid, who was sitting in the back of the Mercedes Benz with his arms crossed and a forlorn expression on his face. He had very pale silver inwardly-curling hair and violet eyes.

"This is Emil, Lukas's step-brother. I'd stay clear of him if I were you. He's been having a rough time lately since…well…some really bad shit went down, I'll just leave it at that."

Emil responded by sticking up his middle finger behind Matthias's back. "I told him I was fine," he muttered to himself. "It's not like I had a crush on that guy anyways. I wish he'd stop babying me…"

Matthias pointed to the tallest member of the group, a boy with sharp blue eyes, glasses, and short, neatly-trimmed blond hair. He appeared to have a resting glare on his face.

"And this burly giant over here is Berwald. He doesn't speak much, but deep down he's actually a softie."

Berwald gave me a curt nod.

Matthias let his finger trail to the last and shortest member of the group, a delicate-looking boy with lilac eyes and soft tufts of bleach-blond hair. He was leaning over the front hood over the car, burying his nose deep into a history textbook.

"This is Tino. As you can see, he's currently preoccupied with cramming for our first period history test."

Tino raised his hand in hello, all the while nervously flipping through a pack of cue cards with written facts on them.

I smiled at every member of the group. "Well, it was nice meeting you all. But I really ought to get to class. I still have to pick up my schedule and-"

My knees buckled forward when Alfred wrapped an arm over my shoulders. "Aren't you going to introduce me too, _Ollie_?" he bellowed into my ear, causing an already jumpy Tino to flinch and sigh in annoyance.

"Calm down Tinny, everything's going to be fine," Tino muttered to himself.

My ears were still ringing from Alfred shouting in them.

 _So much for us keeping our separate ways…_

"Of course," I deadpanned. "Everyone, this is my brother, Allen. He grew up in America, hence the different accents."

The group all gave their hellos, still weirded out by how obnoxiously loud Alfred was being.

Tino looked over his shoulder. "Hey, can you guys keep it down?" he squeaked. "I'm stressing out over here!"

Alfred barked with laughter. "HA! What a loser! Who gives a crap about school, am I right?"

Matthias gave me a strange look.

I had nothing to say nor do as I watched Alfred dig himself into an even deeper hole. Looks like he hadn't truly gotten rid of his past as a bully.

Tino stood up from the hood of the car, tilting his chin up at Alfred. "I do," he said in an even tone. "Why, do you have a problem with that?"

Berwald's shoulders tensed.

Alfred shrugged his arm off me, taking a step towards Tino with a wolfish grin on his face. "Yep, I sure do!"

My vision blacked out briefly when Alfred sucker punched Tino. How could things possibly go _so_ wrong, _this_ fast? The only answer to that question was _Alfred._

"Serves you right, you little twerp!" said moron cackled. His attempt to impress the group members was failing miserably. Although, I hardly see how asserting physical dominance would _ever_ work. Not to mention that he was breaking _every single_ protocol in the book.

Tino fell to the ground, cupping his assaulted jaw with his hand.

"What did he do that for?!" Matthias roared, bending down to see if Tino was okay.

Tino was definitely _not_ okay.

The poor boy was coughing up blood on the ground.

I began to panic. "Bloody hell! I'm _so_ sorry! I'm sure Allen didn't intend to hit him that hard! _Right,_ Allen?" I turned to glare at Alfred, but he was too busy backing up from a now furious Berwald.

"That doesn't excuse the fact that he punched him in the first place!" Matthias snapped. "Like, what the hell?!"

 _Valid point._

"Woah there, easy, big guy," Alfred chided, his eyes fearful as Berwald towered over him.

 **PUNCH!**

"Don't touch my w'fe," Berwald snarled, whatever the hell that meant.

Alfred crumpled to the ground, choking since he had just been punched in the windpipe.

A sharp whistle blew across the parking lot, signalling the arrival of what appeared to be the school's Gym teacher. He was wearing a blank muscle shirt, camouflage pants, and black combat boots. In addition to the whistle hanging around his neck, he also wore a necklace with a thick black cross for a pendant. He was Aryan in appearance with slicked-back blond hair, very blue eyes, and a taut, strict mouth.

"What's the meaning of this?" the teacher snapped, his voice deep and unforgiving.

All of us started to speak at once, which prompted the teacher to hold up his massive hand. "Forget it, I don't care. Just tell me who started it," he sighed.

Matthias glanced up at me, his eyes communicating a remorseless _'what can you do?'_ expression.

I understood why when all his friends, including Bella, pointed fingers at Alfred and myself.

A stern hand grabbed the collar of my jacket.

Sent to the office on our first day…huh?

 _Brilliant._

…

Alfred and I were sitting in the office, in trouble for something that _he_ did as per usual. I was livid and refused to look at him. Alfred was too busy holding an icepack to his face anyways. Instead, I looked straight ahead into the red eyes of the principal standing before us.

The golden plaque on his desk read 'Fritz Schmidt.' The name sounded extremely German, but he sure didn't look it. He was an albino with milk-white skin and equally pale hair. The man was an odd ball who impatiently paced back and forth across the room. Despite wearing a suit and tie, he broke away from stiff formalities by also sporting a black snap-back hat. He was very young-looking and pulled off the 'relatable and cool' adult façade effortlessly. Probably because he was a bit childish himself judging by the opened confiscated candy on his desk, and the beer that he had passed off as 'juice' in his plastic water bottle.

"Oliver and Allen Walker," he drawled. "Explain something to me, will you? You boys haven't even been here for one hour, and yet you still managed to fuck up royally! _How_?"

Alfred feigned a pout. "Come on, Fritz. Can I call ya Fritz? We didn't mean to cause any trouble. Besides, it's not like we did anything _that_ bad."

"You punched an emotionally-fragile, gay Finish kid in the jaw," Principal Fritz deadpanned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "And no, you may not. Only awesome students that _I like_ get to call me that."

"Well, if I would have known that he was gay, I wouldn't have punched him!" Alfred protested.

"I don't think that's the point, _Allen_ ," I snarled.

I was done trying to defend myself.

Principal Fritz slammed both hands on his desk. "Listen here, kiddos. I've already got a lot of shit on my plate as it is, so let's make this quick. A student died from a drug overdose last month and the school board is breathing down my neck. Cause another fight and you pricks can both consider yourselves expelled. We clear?"

Alfred and I sullenly mumbled our agreements.

Principal Fritz smiled. "Good, now who's Allen and who's Oliver?"

"Oliver," I yawned.

"Allen," Alfred said dryly.

Principal Fritz reached into a nearby drawer and pulled out our schedules.

As I read mine over, I felt my blood begin to boil again. "I don't remember signing up for Drama or Gym?" I muttered.

I turned to glance at Alfred, who looked just as confused as I was.

And then it hit me.

Back at the Church, I had left it up to Alfred to fax the school our transcripts. Like the dumbass that he was, he must have mixed up the names. Once again, I've placed too much trust in him, and just _look_ at where it's gotten me…

Principal Fritz raised a pale brow at us. "Do we have a problem?"

Alfred abruptly stood up from his chair. "Nope, not at all! Come on, Ollie, we don't want to be late for our first class, now do we?"

I slapped my backpack over my shoulder and followed Alfred out of the office. "No, I suppose not."

The scowl on my face told Alfred everything that he needed to know.

…

Coach Lud looked up and down the hallway. When he deemed the area to be clear of students, he picked up the buzzing phone in his pocket. He really hoped that no one could hear him. He couldn't act too suspicious otherwise his entire plan would be thrown into chaos.

He answered the phone, hissing for the eager voice on the other end of the line to be quiet.

"No, I haven't gone through with the deal yet," Coach Lud muttered, blue eyes paranoidly scanning up and down the hallway for the tenth consecutive time. "We agreed to meet tomorrow."

The person on the other end of the line wasn't satisfied with that answer. They wanted to know more, and Coach Lud didn't have nearly enough time to explain everything.

"Look, I have to go. Besides, I told you not to call me unless it's _absolutely_ necessary."

More incessant chatter.

Coach Lud sighed. Ending phone calls with this person always proved to be difficult. "Ja. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Take care…"

 **CLICK!**

Coach Lud hung up the phone, discreetly slipping it back into his pocket.

He checked the hallway one last time before heading towards his office in the Gym.

After all, he had a _very_ important meeting to prepare for.

…

"Do you even know what chemistry is?!" I snapped, dragging my feet against the ground as we walked towards our assigned lockers.

Alfred shed me with a confident smile. "Yup! There's no need for you to be worried, Iggy. These subjects aren't as hard as you're making them out to be. I'll be fine!"

"Go on then," I sighed. "Prove me wrong and enlighten me with a fact."

"The nucleus is the power house of the cell!"

I saw red.

"Okay, _first,_ it's the mitochondria, _not_ the nucleus. And _second,_ that's biology, _not_ chemistry, you git!"

I walked up to a locker and began to bang my head against the harsh metal surface.

"This mission is doomed."

 **To be continued…**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Yay! Another chapter! Sorry, I've been really busy writing a book lately! Anyways, for those who have watched the movie, you know what's coming next!

Lesson of the story kids: DON'T DO DRUGS.

 **Tripping Potatoes:**

 **Arthur's POV** :

Because of Alfred's brilliance, our course schedules had been switched up. I now had Gym as my first period. The same teacher who had brought Alfred and I to the office was the one instructing this class. I could feel the burning glare of his stern blue eyes on me as he paced up and down the football pitch, lecturing us students about our tardiness. Apparently, five minutes to change into our spare set of clothes was four minutes too slow.

I felt utterly ridiculous wearing Alfred's gym clothes. The t-shirt fell to my knees if I didn't tuck it in, and I had to roll up the hem of the shorts several times. A kind lad had been able to lend me a spare set of cleats and shin-pads for our activity today. He was likely a volunteer for the class, since he was just as scrawny and out-of-place as I was. The only person whom I recognized was Bella. Unfortunately, this was a co-ed class, which meant that both genders would get to see how miserable of an athlete I was.

Coach Lud had us lined up along the goal line, his hands held behind his back like a military general as he bellowed into our faces. From what I could tell, he was extremely passionate about football; _European_ football, that is.

"Last year, most of our star athletes graduated. I have many doubts about where this season will take us, but that doesn't give us the excuse to give up! Our school has a legacy to maintain, and I intend to make that happen. With a lot of training, hard work, and dedication, this team will prevail…"

I tuned out Coach Lud, awkwardly shuffling through the line of students so that I was standing next to Bella. Like the rest of us, she was wearing a grey t-shirt and navy-blue shorts. Her short blonde hair was kept back with a red headband. She was listening intently to Coach Lud, her green eyes sharp with focus. She was a tiny little thing, but something about her confident stature told me that she was an excellent athlete.

Bella gave me a side glance, a small smirk creeping onto her face. I pretended to listen to Coach Lud's speech intently as well. I had to play things cool because of what had happened earlier. It still boggled my mind how Alfred thought that it would be a good idea to punch Tino in the face. He had pretty much ruined any chances of us making friends in this school. Bloody idiot, that's what he was.

I pursed my lips. I needed something to work from if I wanted to chat with Bella. I couldn't just speak to her out of nowhere, otherwise it'd be weird.

"Now," Coach Lud barked. "Who's willing to become this year's captain?"

A tanned hand shot up in the air. The boy, whose name I believed was Henrique, eagerly shouted out. "Me! Me! Coach Lud, I'd love to be the captain this year!" he grinned, his green eyes twinkling with excitement.

Coach Lud rolled his eyes in deadpan. "Henrique, we've been over this. Your skills on the pitch are undeniable, but until you learn to pass the verdammt ball, you'll continue to keep the bench warm for the rest of your teammates."

Henrique's posture deflated. Poor sap.

I smirked, finally having a reason to talk to Bella. "Wow, that was harsh," I whispered.

Bella sighed. "Oui, I agree. But not as harsh as what your brother did to poor little Tino."

I choked on air.

Bella laughed. "I was only teasing. No need to get your titties in a twist."

I raised my eyebrows at her in question. "Pardon me?"

"Oh, that's right. You're English. You probably have no idea what I'm saying, huh?"

I shrugged. "I'm old-fashioned like that, I suppose. I'm not exactly acquainted with the slang used these days. I much prefer reading a good book over keeping up with tweets riddled with grammatical errors."

Bella giggled. "How edgy of you."

I feigned a slight bow. "Why, thank you my lady."

We exchanged smiles before tuning back into Coach Lud's lecture.

Silence.

"Oi," I whispered, garnering Bella's attention again. "I'm sorry for what happened earlier. Is Tino…doing all right?"

Bella nodded her head. "Oui, he's fine. I think he's actually happy about what happened. He was excused from the test he had been studying for. Also, why are you apologizing for something you didn't do?"

"I'm an Englishman. We're natural gentleman," I mused, nonchalantly sticking my hands into my pockets. I was elated to see that Bella hadn't stopped grinning during this entire encounter. Looks like I had a charm of my own, surprising as it was.

"This school sure is crazy though. Didn't some kid die of a drug overdose last week?" I asked.

Bella grimaced. "Mhmm. Rumour has it that it wasn't the drug alone that killed Leon. The autopsy report found that he had mixed it with Adderall. His parents were always pushing him to get high grades. It's such a shame, really."

"Yes, quite," I agreed.

All right. You've familiarized yourself with her enough. Now it's time to get down to business.

"So…" I whistled, trying to keep the conversation casual. "Say a 'friend' of mine wanted to get a hand on this drug. Where or who would they go to?"

Bella gave me a smug look. "Well, you can tell your 'friend' that he's _not_ far off."

Bella glanced towards me and then back at a nearby goalpost. I was quick to take the hint when I spotted a number scrawled on the rusted metal with a sharpie marker.

"Thank you," I murmured, hurrying over to the goalpost.

"Happy to help," Bella winked.

Drawn on the chipped paint of the goalpost was a cross with a slogan that read ' _Need a hook up to get fucked up? Text (xxx) xxx-xxxx for details ;)'_

Christ! What was it with these cross symbols popping up everywhere?!

I ducked behind a few students and pulled out my cellphone. I punched in the number on the goalpost and shot them a quick text. Well, here goes nothing. I purposefully used awful grammar to make myself seem more believable.

 _Ready 4 hook up. Where can I meet u?_

I quickly slipped my cellphone back into my shorts. Unfortunately, Coach Lud had been watching me the entire time.

"Mr. Walker!" Coach Lud barked. "Since you're so skilled at _shooting_ texts, how about you demonstrate for the class how to take a proper penalty shot?"

I waved my hands frantically. "No, no! I'd rather just be a water boy or a sideline helper. I have really weak feet, you see. I'm sorry for the disruption but-!"

"PENALTY LINE, NOW!" Coach Lud bellowed.

I bowed my head in defeat. "Yes, sir."

Several students in the class snickered. At least Bella was nice enough to give me a pitiful glance.

Having no choice, I picked up a nearby football and set it on the penalty line. Henrique was the goalie; he was cockily jumping from side to side, his arms flailing in all directions.

"Whatchu got, Walker?" Henrique teased. I didn't care for him all that much anymore. "Come on! Lemme have it!"

I felt the stares of the entire class burn into my neck. "Right, well," I muttered to myself, taking a few steps back in preparation for the kick. "It was nice while my dignity here lasted…"

I ran forward to kick the ball.

"Oomph!"

Rather than kicking the ball, my foot slid over it and I tripped backwards. My head cracked against the ground and I groaned. An unpleasant sense of nostalgia overcame me. I had suffered from this very position many times before back at the academy and didn't care to be reminded of it.

"How?! Ahahaha!" Henrique snickered.

Coach Lud facepalmed. "Mein Gott! I've seen better footwork from a blind paraplegic duckling!"

Well that was a harsh and oddly specific insult…

The rest of the class erupted in laughter with Henrique being the loudest, as he was currently rolling on the ground. I stood up and hobbled off to the side. Soon afterwards, I felt my cellphone buzz in my pocket. A sinking suspicion in my stomach told me that the new text was from the supposed drug dealer.

"Coach Lud?" I croaked, doubling over to clutch at my rib-cage.

"Ja," Coach Lud sighed, pausing in his rant to look at me with mild concern.

"Can I be excused to the nurse's office?" I squeaked.

"Ja, Ja. The last thing that this school needs is another lawsuit," Coach Lud assented, waving me off with a dismissive flick of the wrist.

It was now my turn to wink at Bella as I left the football pitch, scrambling to pull out my cellphone. I was right; the text _was_ from the drug dealer.

 _I'll b the Boiler Room in 5._

 _Have $ ready._

I quickened my pace, and began to sprint towards the school's back entrance. Faking my injury was something that all football players did well, after all.

I wonder how Alfred was doing in his AP English class? Probably awful, if I had to make a guess. No matter, I would be saving him from the 'boredom' of that class soon enough. I sent him a quick text, grinning like a madman as my cleats hammered against the shiny wooden floor of the gymnasium.

I had gotten us our first lead.

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

Jeesh! Have these desks gotten smaller, or was it just me? I was sitting in my AP English class, uncomfortable and with no space to put my legs. I felt like I had just joined a class of elves. Even though this was a senior class, the students here were just _so_ tiny! The fact that they were all staring at me as if I had a horn growing out of my forehead didn't exactly make me feel welcome either.

Even the teacher, Ms. Xiao Mei was tiny, albeit _super_ cute. She was a woman with Asian ethnic features, a delicate slim frame, warm brown eyes, and long black-brown hair that had a stray curl sticking out from the right side of her head. If we weren't undercover, I would have probably hit her up with the old Jones' charm.

Today people were presenting the 'sollioquakes' that they had each prepared. Everyone was supposed to make their own parody of a Hamlet speech. A kid with a bowl-cut and pitless black eyes was standing at the front of the room, performing a 'Pakeemon' inspired piece; whatever the heck that was.

"Go on, Kiku," Ms. Xiao Mei smiled warmly. "We'd all love to hear what you wrote."

Kiku nervously cleared his throat, his eyes glued to the paper in front of him:

" _To catch or not to catch- that is the real question_

 _Whether it is more effective to wait_

 _The challenges and troubles of numerous gyms_

 _Or to sling arms against a sea of native Pokémon_

 _And by opposing conquer them. To win- to level up_ …"

I was quick to zone out. Thankfully, Kiku read fast and was finished in no time.

Ms. Xiao Mei glowed with radiance as she clapped. "Well done, Kiku. Absolutely wonderful!" she exclaimed.

Kiku blushed slightly under the teacher's praise. He took his seat at the desk to my right.

"Psst," I whispered, turning to look at Kiku. "That was a pretty rad poem, kiddo."

Kiku gave me a strange look. "Thanks?"

"No problemo!" I grinned. "You're Japanese, right?"

"Hai, why do you ask?" Kiku questioned, nodding his head.

"Ah!" I hummed. "Thought so. I can tell that you have a lot of wisdom in those samurai eyes of yours."

Kiku's expression suddenly became flustered. "Well, that was kind of racist…" he trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

"Oh, dude no! I didn't mean it like that!" I stammered.

The damage had already been done.

Kiku turned his head, ending the conversation before it could really begin.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath.

"Did you have something to add, Allen?" Ms. Xiao Mei called out.

I gulped. "No ma'am."

Ms. Xiao Mei chuckled, reaching over her desk to pick up a stack of papers. "Well, if you do, don't be afraid to raise your hand. Since you're new here, feel free to ask me _anything_."

Ms. Xiao Mei bit her lip and winked at me. Wow! The teachers sure are friendly here, that's for sure!

"Anyways, who's ready for another pop quiddle?"

"Pop what-now?!" I blurted out.

Since I was sitting in the back, everyone turned around to look at me. Several people scoffed.

Ms. Xiao Mei began handing out booklets to students, despite never tearing her kind gaze away from me. "Every Monday I give out riddles to test the bright minds of our newest generation. It's only for bonus marks though. Winners get candy prizes," she explained, winking at me again. Perhaps she had allergies that made her eyes unnaturally dry?

"Oh," I inhaled sharply, already feeling sweat begin to bead on my forehead. I've always sucked at tests. "That's cool…"

"Very cool indeed," Ms. Xiao Mei agreed, handing me a booklet. She flipped her hair over her shoulder before walking back to her desk.

"You may now begin~!" Ms. Xiao Mei instructed the class.

I blacked out for two minutes out of pure nervousness. A buzz in my back-jean pocket snapped me back into reality. I pulled out my cellphone underneath my desk and read the text Artie had sent me.

 _Find an excuse to get out of class! This is urgent!_

 _I've organized a meet up with a potential drug dealer._

 _I'll be waiting in the basement._

I looked up from my desk, catching the watchful gaze of Ms. Xiao Mei. I don't know why, but she was sucking on three lollipops, and slowly at that.

I gave her a quirky smile before switching my attention back to the quiz at hand. My heart pounded with excitement. I couldn't believe how fast Arthur had been able to secure a lead. But, you don't see me complaining! If we solved this case quickly, we wouldn't be the laughing stock of the police force anymore!

I opened my quiz and rushed through the answers like you wouldn't believe:

Question 1: "You can see me in the water, but I never get wet? What am I?

 **Your mom's pussy!**

Question 2: "I pass before the sun, yet I make no shadow. What am I?

 **An alien spacecraft that's hidden in tinfoil and intends to take over the planet when we least suspect it!**

Question 3: What is at the end of a rainbow?

 **A pot of gold and a bowl of lucky charms.**

With my quiz completed, I abruptly stood up, causing my chair to screech against the ground. I hurried over to Ms. Xiao Mei, handing her my quiz. She was leaning against her desk with a current total of four lollipops in her mouth. The woman must _really_ like her candy.

"Done already?" Ms. Xiao Mei giggled.

"Uh, yeah," I grunted, looking out the classroom door and into the hallway. I felt even more awkward and out-of-place since the teacher was hardly five feet tall. I was a giant in comparison to her.

I needed to think of an excuse to leave the classroom. Never being one to wait, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Can I go to the washroom? I have to ah…masturbate! No, I-! Pee! I meant to say pee!"

My face became beet red. Several students paused writing their quizzes to snicker at my inappropriate outburst. I'm not good at coming up with lies on the spot.

Ms. Xiao Mei had an entirely different reaction. "Of course!" she trilled. "That's hot-! I mean cool!" she stammered, blushing herself. "Just be back before ten minutes pass, otherwise I'll have to send you to the office."

"Right," I nodded my head.

"No running in the hallways!" Ms. Xiao Mei called after me, fanning her face with a manicured hand.

I was already long gone.

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

I thundered down the stairwell that led into the basement, holding out a map of the school. The boiler room was supposed to be near the drama room. The echoes of Glee playing in a classroom told me that my destination couldn't be too far off.

All was swell until I sprinted head first into another person who was sprinting from the opposite direction down the same hallway. I crashed to the ground, smacking the back of my head yet again. I wasn't very surprised to find out that it was Alfred who I had collided into. It explains why I was still seeing green bunnies fly before my eyes.

I sat up, disentangling myself from Alfred's chest. "You bloody idiot," I groaned. "Hasn't anyone told you to look where you're going?"

Alfred stood up, shaking his head free from disorientation. "I could say the same for you, Iggy," he sighed. "You really need to put some more meat on your body. Those elbows of yours almost sliced my neck clean."

"Oh, sod off already," I growled, slapping away his hand when he offered to pull me up. "What took you so long to respond anyway?!"

Alfred sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, you see. Ms. Xiao Mei was having us perform sollioquakes, and then we had a pop quiddle. I couldn't leave until I finished."

"Sollioquakes?" I furrowed my eyebrows. I could understand and appreciate the second pun, but what the hell was a sollioquake?

"You know…" Alfred blushed for a lack of knowledge. "Those speeches where characters speak all by themselves?"

"You mean soliloquy?" I deadpanned.

"Yeah! That!"

I stood up from the ground, brushing off the dirt from my pants. "I'll repeat myself again: you bloody idiot. Now come on, we have a drug deal to make."

Alfred trailed after me, figurative tail hidden between his legs. "About that. Do you have any idea who they might be?"

"Not a clue," I answered, folding the map and putting it away in my pocket. "But we're about to find out."

I pointed to a door with a sign that read: Boiler Room. "Morons first," I snickered.

Alfred rolled his eyes, but opened the door anyway. I followed him inside, squinting to see in the dimly lit space. Several low-hanging vents and large metal canisters covered the room. The only objects lighting up the joint were the red UV lights on the ceiling.

A shaded figure in the middle of the space was sitting in a lawn chair, their faces hidden by a pair of sunglasses. "Close the door before we get caught," they ordered, casually crossing their legs to ease the sharpness of their tone.

I closed the door, walking forward to inspect the dealer. I recognized the Hawaiian print shirt and spiky blond hair almost immediately.

Matthias must have recognized me too because he pulled down his sunglasses and grinned. "Fancy meeting you boys again," he mocked in a British accent. "Did you come here to kick me in the balls?"

"Right," I laughed, despite the evident strain on my face. "None of that, I'm afraid. So far, we've gotten off to a rotten start, yeah?"

Matthias nodded his head, shifting his gaze to Alfred.

I violently elbowed Alfred in the ribcage, speaking through my teeth. "Say something, you imbecile," I growled under my breath. My nails were digging so far into the palms of my hand that I was breaking skin; this moment couldn't have been more crucial.

Alfred jolted, holding back a whine. "Ha! Sorry about that. I got really nervous because it's our first day here and all, and I guess I must have blacked out! Hahahaha! I hope that guy's okay though. I'll have to make it up to him sometime…"

I grimaced. Alfred had a horrible habit of laughing whenever he was feeling anxious.

Matthias waved off Alfred with a quick hand gesture. "No worries, bro. Tino's doing just fine. So, how much do you guys want?"

Matthias pulled out a hard-plastic pencil case. He clipped it open, revealing several small transparent baggies that each contained a coin-sized orange lozenge; the exact drug that we were looking for. Alfred and I both glanced at each other. Now was the best time to collect our information.

I cleared my throat. "I was thinking about one giblet or so each…"

It was Alfred's turn to nudge me in the rib-cage. "Ollie," he whispered. "What the _fuck_ is a giblet?"

"I don't know," I whispered back, feeling my face flush. "I thought it sounded cool!"

"Well, it _didn't_!" Alfred snapped back, despite the overexaggerated smile on his face.

"Is that what you Brits call a gram?" Matthias snickered. God bless his kind, oblivious soul. "A giblet? Anyways, it's 30 bucks a piece."

Alfred pulled out his wallet to pay for the drugs.

"So…" I stalled. "Do you make the drugs too? Or do you just deal them?"

Matthias shook his head. "Nah, man. I just sell them. I'm not smart like Lukas or Waldy. Why do you ask?"

Alfred and I exchanged looks again, noting down the names Matthias had mentioned.

"No reason," I smirked, accepting the drug package that Matthias handed to me. Yet again, the symbol of a cross appeared; this time, it was a sticker that had been placed on the front of the clear package.

Alfred accepted his package as well. "Well, we better get back to class. Thanks again for the dope, buddy," he grinned.

Matthias stood up from his chair, crossing in front of us to block our exit out of the room. "Oh, hell no! You guys have to take the drug here or the deal's off. I can't take any risks, especially since the high school next door was just found out to have narcs."

Suddenly, Matthias wasn't so friendly anymore. He was just as tall as Alfred and could easily match him in a fight.

 _Shit._

Alfred gave me his ' _holy fuck what the fuck do we do? Fuck_!' look.

"Uh…actually, we were planning on taking it when we got home," I lied.

"Yeah!" Alfred piped in. "I was looking forward to having it with a good old dose of Dr. Phil and some side nachos!"

"Tough shit," Matthias growled. "Take the drug here or get the fuck out. You guys aren't narcs, are you?" he leered. "Because you're acting super suspicious…"

 _Shit x 2_

"What? Us? Narcs?" I laughed. "Of course not! What bollocks!"

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Alfred cackled, red-faced. "As if Arthur could be a narc!"

 _That bloody idiot x 3_

I froze.

"Who's Arthur?" Matthias growled.

Alfred gulped. "Arthur is Ollie's middle name."

"Right! Right!" I vigorously nodded my head.

Matthias crossed his arms. "You two have 30 seconds to take that drug before I call in the big guys…" he threatened.

I had no intention of meeting Matthias's 'big guys'.

I looked at Alfred, whose facial expression was just as helpless. He opened the drug package and popped the orange lozenge into his mouth. "Oh!" he exclaimed, blinking tears from his eyes.

"Tastes like ass and blue cheese! My f-favourite," Alfred choked.

Matthias shifted his gaze on me.

I sent up a quick prayer to any God who was willing to listen to me. It was unbelievable how many rules we were breaking right now. So much for getting these drugs back to the lab.

With that prayed and said, I opened my own package and popped the orange lozenge into my mouth. Things took a turn for the worse when it immediately dissolved on my tongue. There would be no spitting out the drug.

"Dear G-god!" I spluttered. "That tastes awful."

Matthias smirked, stepping out of the way. "Enjoy your trip, boys."

Alfred and I looked at each other in horror.

 _What have we done?_

…

 **SLAM!**

Alfred and I burst into the handicapped stall in the bathroom, kneeling over the smelly, rusty toilet. Since the drug had dissolved in our mouths, we had no choice but to make ourselves throw-up. I didn't have time to question why Alfred had entered the same stall as me; I was only focused on getting this potentially lethal drug out of my system.

I stuck my hand in my mouth, gagging. "Oh God!" I wailed. "We're going to die!"

"No, we're not!" Alfred gagged. He was also having a hard time making himself throw up. "Quick! Think of something gross!" he urged.

"Uh…uh…" I stammered. "Hairy balls…Alistair's hairy balls!"

"Dude, what the fuck?!" Alfred shouted.

"I'm sorry! It was the first thing that came to mind!"

Alfred slammed his hand against the stall's wall. "Forget it! I have an idea."

Alfred pulled out two pencils from his hoodie and handed me one. "We'll have to make each other throw up. You stick this pencil in my throat, and I'll stick one in yours."

"As if I'm going to do that!" I wheezed, watery-eyed.

"Do you want to die?" Alfred deadpanned.

"I suppose no-"

"DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!"

"No!" I sighed. "Christ, let's just get this over with."

Unbeknownst to us, a janitor had walked into the bathroom.

"Jesus Artie!" Alfred gagged. "Put it in deeper! Stop being such a pussy! P should be for penetration!"

"Why are you so warm?! Agh!" I choked.

The Janitor rolled his eyes, leaving the bathroom with a disgusted expression on his face.

Meanwhile, no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't make ourselves throw up.

I banged my head against the toilet in defeat. "We have to go back to class," I panted.

"What?!" Alfred spluttered.

"We don't have much of a choice! I don't like this any better than you do!"

…

Alfred and I sprinted through the hallways, our hearts beating unnaturally fast. I couldn't tell if this was a symptom of the drug, or the result of our impending doom; surely, we wouldn't be police officers for very long after this massive fuck-up.

"If Captain Vargas finds out that we took the drug, we can consider ourselves fired!" I whimpered.

Our feet thundered down the staircase that led us to the first floor.

"Shh! It's fine; we're fine!" Alfred coaxed. "Lovino doesn't have to know!"

"Okay, okay! Good!" I agreed.

We skidded to a stop when Principal Fritz intercepted us in the Senior's hallway.

"What the hell are you two doing out of class?" Principal Fritz leered, crossing his arms.

My ears rang, and I felt an odd sense of euphoria come over me. Suddenly, I couldn't stop laughing.

 **STAGE 1: The Giggles**

"N-nothing," I smirked, failing to suppress my laughter. "We were just taking a casual stroll."

Alfred couldn't hold back his laughter either, causing spittle to fly everywhere. "Ha! Stroll!"

Principal Fritz rolled his eyes. "Jesus, not you two again. I thought I already dealt with you guys this morning?"

"Dealt; deal, veal, squeal, appeal…" I giggled.

Alfred wiped a tear from his cheek. He sounded like a dying otter; no sound was coming out, that's just how hard he was laughing.

"Okay, thank you, Mr. Walking Thesaurus," Principal Fritz snapped. "Something tells me that you boys are up to no good. Do you really want me to expel you that bad?"

Alfred and I silently shook our heads.

My vision blurred for a moment, before focusing on Principal Fritz's vegetable face.

 **STAGE 2: Tripping Major Ballsack**

Principal Fritz now had a potato for a head. Since I had skipped out on breakfast and was starving, I didn't bother to question it.

"What are you two laughing about?" Principal Potato asked. "And where are your hall-passes?"

Drool trickled out of Alfred's mouth. "Hmmmm…french fries…" he moaned.

Principal Potato pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, reaching over with his flimsy, fry-like arms to dab at Alfred's mouth. "Jesus, kid," he exclaimed. "That's a lot of drool. Are you sure you're all right?"

"I will be if you get me some butter and ketchup," Alfred smirked. "Who's a big, yummy starch man?"

"No, you idiot," I hissed. "He'd go better with some battered haddock."

Principal Fritz took a cautious step back, discarding his handkerchief into a nearby garbage bin in disgust. "Are you two on…drugs?"

We both ignored Principal Fritz. I was too busy glaring at the American flag floating on top of Alfred's head.

"Why the hell is there an American flag floating over your head?!" I screeched. "You know how easily triggered I am!"

"You're the one to talk!" Alfred huffed. "There's a British flag floating over your head too. Are you trying to mock my country's independence or something?!"

"Doesn't matter because my country's better!" I growled.

"Oh yeah?" Alfred snapped.

"Yeah!" I retorted. "Now c'mere and we'll see who the real 'pussy' is!"

"You're on!"

Alfred and I then began to choke each other.

"Just give up already, you stubborn, know-it-all Brit!" Alfred gasped, red-faced.

"Never, you ignorant, loud-mouthed American!" I wheezed, purple-faced.

Meanwhile, Principal Fritz sighed and exasperatedly threw his hands up into the air. "Yep, they're definitely on drugs. Fuck it, overdose. See if I care. Dumbasses," he cussed, glancing at us in distaste one last time before leaving in the direction of his office. "I'm not paid enough to deal with this shit."

Alfred and I stopped choking each other for a lack of sufficient oxygen.

"Ding dong, the wicked Fritz is gone~!" I sang, only to deadpan in realization. "Bollocks! We really ought to get back to class."

"I'm already on it!" Alfred stuck out his arms, and began to run - _Naruto style_ \- in the direction of the English wing. "Catch ya later!"

"Oi! Be careful!" I gave both of my cheeks a good slap before skipping out the back entrance of the school.

…

 **STAGE 3 Over Falsity of Confidence**

I sprinted towards the football pitch. The class appeared to be in the midst of a match. Regardless, I wanted to show off my skills. I may have been a water boy for several of my older brothers' soccer teams, but that didn't mean I couldn't have a go at kicking some arse too!

"Oliver!" Coach Lud barked when I skipped onto the field. "What in Gott's name are you doing?!"

"Put me on, Coach!" I grinned, my pupils much larger than what they should be. "I'll score a goal for you!"

Coach Lud raised a brow, but the confident expression on my face must have deterred him from saying something. "Show us what you got, Walker," he shrugged, indifferent for once.

I did exactly that. I could hear the cheers of my fans as I traversed up and down the pitch. Bella, Matthias, and Tino were sitting on the bleachers off to the side.

"Go Oliver!" Bella cried out.

All Matthias could do was snicker. For once, my coordination was spot on. The only tripping that I was doing was experiencing the effects of the drug.

One of the midfielders passed me the ball. I dribbled it down the pitch, deking out of the way of a player from the opposite team.

"Bitch, you thought!" I cackled, punting the ball past Henrique, the goalie, and into the net.

I scored several more goals before thinking of yet _another_ brilliant solution. Why kick the ball when you can just pick it up and run down the field with it? When one of my teammates passed me the ball again, I put said master plan into action.

"Tata, peasants!" I trilled. "I'm off to score another goal!"

…

Coach Lud nearly tore out his hair. "What are you doing, you dummkoph?! This isn't Rugby!"

Things only got worse from there.

"And he just ran straight into a goalpost…fantastic."

Oliver Walker staggered to his feet, blood gushing from his nose. "Ommph! Bloody hell, that hurt! Hahahaa!"

 **…**

 **Alfred's POV:**

I hurried back into Ms. Xiao Mei's classroom in record time. The class was silent and working; the quiddle must have already been finished.

"Oh, Allen!" Ms. Xiao Mei squeaked in surprise. "Your face is very red, dear. Did you overexert yourself?"

"AHAHAHA!" I cackled. "No worries, I'm all goooood. Since y'all have performed your sollioquakes, I was wondering if I could perform one of my own?"

Ms. Xiao Mei blushed. "Of course, of course! I'd love to hear you pour your heart out to me! I mean, uh, perform your soliloquy!" she quickly corrected herself.

"Awesome!" I grinned, strolling to the front of the classroom like the badass mofo that I was.

I cleared my throat:

 _"To trip or not to trip—that is the real mind fucker:_

 _Whether it is better in the mind to hallucinate_

 _The delusions and sounds of who knows what the fuck_

 _Or to take arms against the munchies and down a bag of Doritos_

 _And by eating them, get diabetes. To have your sugar spike, to die_ …"

I finished the soliloquy, grinning at my elf-sized fans sitting before me.

They were all speechless. I knew it; my sollioquake must have kicked ass!

I let them gawk at my amazingness as I strutted out of the classroom. I'd graced their presence for long enough. Besides, I was starving and lunch was too far away for me to wait.

…

 **STAGE 4: Fuck Yeah Motherfucker!**

 **Arthur's POV:**

As the class headed towards the locker room to change, I jogged to catch up with Henrique.

"Oi! Henrique!"

Henrique, whose shoulders were slumped with the woes of defeat, turned around to glare at me. "What now, Oliver?" he groaned.

"Are you butthurt?" I asked with a smirk. "About losing, that is?"

"No, why would I-"

 **WHOMP!**

I slapped Henrique's butt and sprinted away.

"Now you are!" I cackled, looking over my shoulder to triumph at the sight of the Portuguese's beet-red face.

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

My nose led me to the school's cooking room on the second floor. I burst into said classroom, spotting a tray of brownies cooling on the kitchen counter.

I've always been a slut for a good brownie.

Too bad this twerp refused to share his brownies with me. We were having a tug of war match with the brownie tray.

"Dude, just let me have it!" I growled. "You can make another!"

"No," the unawesome dude wearing a beret growled back. "I have to save some for my kitties!"

The rest of the class watched us fight each other in a horrified silence.

"Kitties, you say? Look!" I exclaimed, pointing behind my brownie rival. "There's one outside in the hallway!"

My brownie rival dropped his guard, looking over his shoulder. This distraction gave me enough time to snatch the brownie tray for myself and escape the classroom.

"AHAHAHA! SUCK IT!"

I heard shouts echo behind me as I ran towards the stairwell. I must have been running faster than I thought because I forgot to push open the door; I ran tray first into said door.

I began to sob, bending over to shovel my fallen sugary allies into my mouth.

"So good," I sniffled.

…

 **STAGE 5: Sleepiness**

 **Arthur's POV:**

 _Lunchtime…_

Alfred and I were sitting on a bench in the front foyer, leaning against each other for support. We were both exhausted beyond belief, despite still having the second half of the school day to get through. It appeared that sleepiness was the final aftermath of the FMA drug.

"Never again," I groaned. My voice sounded nasally due to the many gauze bandages that were stuck up my nostrils.

Alfred sighed. "My stomach still hurts from all those brownies."

"Brownies?"

"I stole some from the cooking room. Fuck, they were good."

I snickered, shoving Alfred with my shoulder. "You're such a moron."

Matthias and his group of friends walked into the front foyer, all of them two-strapping their backpacks. "Yo, Ollie!" he called out to me. "It was totally awesome how you messed with Coach Lud! I've never seen him get so mad before! It was hilarious!"

"Really now?" I chuckled.

"Hell yeah!" Matthias cheered. "You're all over the school's snapchat! Bro, you're a fucking legend! You should hang out with us some time."

"I'd like that very much," I smiled.

"I'll come too!" Alfred blurted out.

Matthias gave Alfred a weird look before completely ignoring him. "Right… anyways, I'll see you later, Ollie boy!"

Alfred turned to me, watching Matthias's group leave the foyer with a dumbfounded expression on his face. "I don't understand teenagers these days. Since when is giving a shit about things cool? Hipsters have risen to the top of the social food chain, and I don't like it one bit."

"Oh, hush up," I rolled my eyes. "Just be grateful that we're alive."

"Do ya think we should go to the hospital?" Alfred asked, reading my mind.

"No," I answered. "We're fine right now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, you're right."

"Besides," I whispered. "If the drugs don't kill us, Captain Vargas will."

 **To be continued…**

 **Next Chapter** : Alfred and Arthur need the perfect icebreaker to salvage their social status. What will happen when they decide to throw a party :O?


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello again! So, we're making pretty large grounds in the story so far! (you can thank the long chapters because of my long absences lol) Things are about to get heated :p Although those of you who have watched the movie recognize really similar elements, the plot will eventually diverge with the original movie. I'll be taking some of my own artistic liberties!**

 **Anyways, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story and engage with you guys more :)**

 **Take care!**

 **-Ella**

* * *

 **Arthur's POV:**

Since telling Captain Vargas about our drug mishap would have likely ended in us either being imprisoned or institutionalized for life, Alfred and I decided to leave that part out while we gave the pissy-looking Italian a run-down of the situation.

In other words, we were reporting everything that we had found during the first hellish week of our undercover mission.

We were standing in his office, meter sticks in our hands as we pointed at a make-shift diagram on a bulletin board. I had drawn the faces of each suspect, Alfred had cut them out, and then we had both pinned them to the board with a thumbtack.

It was quite an organized diagram, even if there were plenty of empty spaces with question marks, as we didn't know exactly how the drug hierarchy worked just yet. We knew that Matthias was the dealer, although we were still unsure about who the supplier was.

Alfred, with a proud, arrogant smile on his face, pointed his meter stick at my chibi drawing of Matthias.

"This dude right here is the dealer. His friends," Alfred paused to point at Berwald and Lukas's caricatures. "Are likely involved in the making of the drug. We suspect that this guy – _Tino_ – is the brains of the operation. There's also this emo little douche – _Emil_ – who runs a very popular 'relatable' blog; he's probably the one getting word out of the drug."

Not seeing anything wrong with what Alfred was saying, I let him continue to explain our findings.

What a mistake that was.

"Thing is, boss, the whole social chain at this school is out of whack. The popular kids aren't even popular. They're these weird, tyrannizing ecological justice warriors who have everyone convinced that they're cool because of their social media following. It's wrong and disturbing and just confuses me to no end!" Alfred finished with a huff, breathing deeply.

I rolled my eyes. Clearly, Alfred was still sore about not being accepted by Matthias's group. They liked me better. Why, I even had all of their phone numbers.

Meanwhile, Alfred had his nerds to get acquainted with. The git did it all to himself. First with messing up our class schedules, and then by punching Tino in the face. He was just jealous that for once I was 'cooler' than him.

"Stick to the diagram, moron," I muttered under my breath.

Too bad Lovino had already had enough of Alfred's idiocy. It was only a matter of time before he exploded; he was known for having a short-temper, especially when it came to dealing with us.

The Italian captain was sitting at his desk, arms crossed like a mafia boss. His lip was curled into a sneer. Hazel eyes glanced at the custom swiss knife he had stored in a pencil holder. I knew better than to question him.

I cleared my throat, prompting Alfred to childishly puff up his cheeks as I took over explaining the diagram. "As Alfred was saying, this here is Matthias, a Danish immigrant and one of the dealers from the FMA drug operation. He's kind, out-going, and seems like the perfect boy-next-door type. But, don't let that fool you. He's smarter than he looks. Actually, he's going to Copenhagen in the fall for university…"

I trailed off, smiling fondly at the fact that Matthias had trusted me with such personal information.

"His dream is to win the world over with pot and create world peace," I finished.

It was now Alfred's turn to mutter under his breath. "He's a criminal, Artie," he reminded me. "Not your best friend."

I ignored Alfred. I would never understand America's aversion towards marijuana. It certainly wasn't the _worst_ drug out there.

Lovino impatiently intervened, waving a thin hand at the bulletin board. "The fuck is this?" he snapped, pointing a finger at the cluster of faces that were pinned off to the side.

"That's Ms. Mei and her army of nerds from AP English," Alfred sheepishly answered. "Why, do you not like the smiley faces? I think it brings out their personalities. Also! Arthur drew them really well."

"Why thank you, Alfred," I grinned. "That's quite possibly the nicest compliment you've ever given to me."

"Aw shucks, dude, you're making me blush. If I had known you were this secure, I would have–"

Lovino slammed a fist against his desk. Alfred and I both jumped a good three feet in the air.

"Are you two done blowing each other's non-existent cocks?!" Lovino growled. "Enough with this stalling crapola! You have the dealer, but do you have the supplier?!"

I nervously pursed my lips. "Well, as you can see, there's still a question mark over the supplier's face. The anonymous sign usually indicates that we don't know their identity…"

Lovino's expression screamed bloody murder. "Quit being a smart ass, browzilla!" he shouted. "I asked you idiots to do one thing, and you can't even do it right. The mission is simple: infiltrate the dealers, find the suppliers. If you don't have that information, then don't waste my time. Dismissed!"

With sagging shoulders, we left Lovino's office, walking down the spiralling staircase and into the chapel area.

We were immediately met with the leering faces of our colleagues.

Natalia and Elizabeta were the first ones to make a smug comment about our failures.

They were both wearing skimpy clothing, consisting of denim short shorts and thin-spaghetti strap tops that were cut off mid-waist to reveal pale, fit stomachs. Elizabeta had her long brown hair down, while Natalia was sporting two pom-pom buns.

"Nice job, boys," Elizabeta snickered, mockingly clapping her manicured hands together. "It only took you a week to find out information that took us one hour. Isn't that right, Nat?"

Alfred flinched when Natalia sent him a daggering glare. The first time he had flirted with the Belarusian, she had threatened to cut off his dick.

"Da, they were probably too busy licking each other's pussies," Natalia sneered with a grunt. Elizabeta licked her lips for whatever inexplicable reason.

"Oh yeah?!" Alfred fumed. "What have you guys done, huh? Unlike you, Artie and me are in the field working our asses off instead of lounging around like, like… you lazy good-for-nothings!"

"Actually," Elizabeta cut in, holding up a thin index finger. "We just busted an ecstasy operation at Twinkle High. As of now, we're waiting for our _next_ assignment."

"Ignore them, Alfred," I scoffed, grabbing hold of the American's wrist. "They're only cocky because they got lucky. It's not our fault their drug bust made our mission even harder…" I snidely added in.

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" Elizabeta asked.

"Thanks to you," I sneered, "the students at our school are on high alert. Rumours spread of narcs being active nearby, so it's even more difficult to get accepted into social circles now."

Elizabeta's retort was cut short when Feliciano walked past us, keeping his voice down to hide his distress, albeit unsuccessfully as he spoke into his mobile. When he reached the platform where Pasta Jesus lay, he began to frantically pace back and forth.

"Si, si, I know!" Feliciano whined. "I just need to know if you're okay. Tell me you're okay! Are you eating enough? Are the kids being mean to you? Answer me!"

"Poor thing," Elizabeta simpered.

I let go of Alfred's wrist. Correction, he tugged himself free to loom over Elizabeta. Natalia had already wandered off to a faraway bench, deciding that picking her nails with a pocket knife was more entertaining. Good riddance.

"Just you wait, Eliza," Alfred patronized. "We're going to make the biggest drug bust of all time. We've already infiltrated the popular group, so it won't be long before we hit something big. Besides, it's operations that take longer that turn up with the most results."

"Hmmm, yeah yeah, sure, now do me a favor and make out Arthur," Elizabeta said in a dreamy voice.

"WHAT?!" I spluttered, feeling my face redden. "We're in a church, for Christ's sake!"

"So you're saying that if you weren't in a church, you'd kiss Alfred then?" Elizabeta perked up at the thought.

"Of course not!" I exploded, frantically waving my hands in protest.

Honestly, where was this conversation even going?

Alfred blushed. "WE'RE FRIENDS, YO! IT'S SO NOT COOL TO SHIP REAL PEOPLE TOGETHER!"

"Yeah!" I agreed.

Elizabeta sighed. "Pity. If you guys aren't being useful, you could have at least given us real cops some entertainment."

"Now just wait a minute here!" I screeched, but was quickly interrupted when an irksome bout of 'honhonhon' laughter echoed down the hallway.

Francis, the twat-frog hybrid whom I had quickly grown to hate, and his moronic partner Antonio had just entered the chapel area. They were both wearing soccer uniforms. "See, Antoine. I told you they were gay. You owe me twenty bucks, mon ami."

Francis held out his hand in expectation, only to find that his partner was no longer at his side.

The shriek, subsequent pained "AY!", and slam of the door upstairs revealed that Antonio had barged into the captain's office again without permission.

Not long afterwards, Antonio came out of Lovino's office with his collar and hair ruffled and a prominent red five-star on his cheek, figurative tail hanging between his legs. "I just wanted to give him a homecooked lunch," he pouted to himself.

Having enough of this sheer ridiculous, I grabbed Alfred's wrist again, interrupting him mid-argument with Elizabeta. He was furiously explaining how he would only be gay for Ryan Reynolds.

"Let's go!" I snapped. "We've got a drug bust to make."

"Aw, look! They're holding each other's hands!" Elizabeta squealed. Thankfully, I was too enraged to hear this.

For once, Alfred let me tug him forward. As I passed by Francis, I aimed a sharp glance at his recently shaved face. His strong, rose-scented perfume made my nose crinkle.

"Lovely shave, Francis," I remarked over my shoulder. "The prison called, they want their baby-Papa back."

"Mon dieu!" Francis exclaimed. "The caterpillar can speak!"

"Oh, sod off, you insufferable baguette tit!"

"Hahaha!" Alfred cackled. "That Frenchie sure got ya there."

"Not you too," I deadpanned, quickening my pace as we stormed down the front steps of the church.

"So, what now?" Alfred asked.

I stopped abruptly, letting go of Alfred's wrist. "We need a plan," I replied, furrowing my brows. "I want to prove those scoundrels wrong. The only problem is how…"

"Hmmm," Alfred hummed, pretending to come up with a solution when we both knew that I was the one running the brains of our operation.

"Ahah!" I exclaimed, a proud smirk on my face. "I got it. We need to get closer to those brats if we want to acquire any information. Snooping around won't do us any good. You befriend those kids in your AP classes. There's a high possibility they're helping the popular kids cook the drug."

"And what will you do?" Alfred inquired.

I chuckled. "Isn't it obvious? I'll become popular and befriend the whole of Matthias's friend group."

Alfred's grin was just a bit too wide. "Awesome, dude! Let's do it!"

I raised my hand for a high-five, only to cry out when Alfred nearly broke my wrist. "Easy, you diabetic tart! I'm fragile!"

"Sorry, man. I forgot how delicate you are."

During the drive home, I didn't notice the disappointed expression on Alfred's face.

I was too gleeful.

Why?

Because I was no longer the nerd anymore.

Ah, how the tables have turned.

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

Following Arthur's advice, I decided to keep tabs on the elf-students from my AP English class. I found out that they were all chemistry and tech nerds too, so that definitely added to Arthur's theory of their possible involvement in the making of the FMA drug.

I became even more suspicious when I found them huddled in the chemistry classroom with the lights turned off. Apparently, the teachers let them sit in there during lunch.

I moved to open the door and found that it was locked. Weird.

"Hello?" I asked.

I heard shuffling on the other side of the classroom door.

"Password?" a high-pitched male voice spoke. The door opened by a crack, revealing an Asian boy wearing a white and navy blue hanbok.

"Oh, I'm sorry man, didn't hear ya," I lied.

I immediately grabbed the doorknob, twisting it open to force myself into the classroom.

The boy cried out from having his wrist jerked suddenly. When my vision settled, I recognized Yong Soo, who had quickly retreated to sit at the table where his other two friends were.

I also recognized Kiku, but we haven't really spoken all that much this week. He was still very salty about me calling him a ninja. My bad.

Next to Kiku was a blond, bespectacled boy I haven't met before. He had a pile of phones and empty computer parts in front of him on his desk. Kiku was flipping through a pile of Pokémon cards.

"What are you guys doing in here?" I bellowed.

Kiku looked up from his printed nerd stack. "Eating lunch, you?"

"Studying!" I blurted out.

Kiku nodded his head in approval. "You could use some extra study time," he remarked.

"Oh?" I huffed, plopping myself down onto a desk next to him. It would have looked much cooler if I hadn't gotten my knees stuck. Seriously, who sat in these things?! Hobbits?!

"What are you getting at there, bud?" I leered.

Kiku shyly averted his gaze. "I was just saying that you aren't exactly using the correct terminology in class."

"Yes I am!" I protested.

"Okay," Kiku shrugged. "Explain what an alliteration is."

"Obviously it's talking about global warming," I deadpanned. "It's not right to litter, you know."

Kiku and his friends snickered before letting an awkward silence envelop the room. I sat there, trying to come up with my next plan of action.

If I wanted to bust a drug ring, I had to be relatable. Maybe if I just stayed, they would eventually start talking about something sketchy. Then I could leap in to save the day and arrest their sorry asses.

"Eduard," Kiku asked, glancing at the blond-haired boy with a bowl cut. "Would you like a mochi ball?"

"Mochi!" I exploded. "Is that some kind of drug? Are y'all doing drugs?!"

I stood up from my seat and glanced down at their table for any traces of drugs. I didn't find any.

Kiku held up a thermos filled with food. "This is a mochi. It's a rice cake," he explained. "I would never do drugs. It would dishonour my family."

Eduard smirked. "We don't look like the types to do drugs, do we?" he asked.

"Well, no. I guess not," I grumbled, embarrassedly seating myself again.

Yong Soo cackled. "I'm more of a hugger and K-Pop lover. Oni-Chan," he paused to point at Kiku. "Is an anime and manga type of person. And Eduard, Eduard's um…he has nice boobs. Oh! He's also a really good singer! An excellent addition to karaoke nights, if you ask me!"

"I'm a boy, I don't have boobs!" Eduard fumed.

Yong Soo raised a hand in surrender. "Hey friend, I'm just telling the truth."

"Yong Soo," Kiku chided. "What did I say about grabbing, commenting, or ogling at people's boobs?"

"Not to do all that," Yong Soo's expression fell.

Stunned, I had nothing to say or add to the conversation. What kind of bizarre anti-social world had I just entered?

Take me back, pls.

Still, I needed a lead, something to latch onto and pry information from. It was clear now that these kids weren't the type to either do or make drugs. They were too pure. But that didn't mean they didn't know anything about the drug situation in the school…

Turns out, they were just as clueless as I was.

Yong Soo and Kiku had every reason not to be involved in the ongoing drug operation. The kid who had overdosed recently was unfortunately their cousin. Poor little guys. Their sad expressions nearly broke my heart in two.

Perhaps it was my kindness over the sensitive subject that made them open up to me more.

Either way, I didn't want to be a downer, so I looked around the room, intending to switch gears from our previous conversation.

I spotted Eduard fiddle with an opened computer part and opted to ask him about that. "You're good with computers?" I asked him, stating the obvious.

Eduard smiled proudly. "Yes, sir!" he commented, forgetting that I was technically supposed to be their age. My cover was becoming less and less believable by the minute. "Ah, um, Alfred," he quickly corrected.

"Eddy's good with spyware too!" Yong Soo added.

With the reflexes of well, a ninja, Kiku slammed a hand over Yong Soo's mouth, who immediately let out a string of muffled protests. "You didn't hear that," Kiku stated, cold black eyes staring into my soul.

"Nah, dude, it's cool," I shrugged. "As long as you're not breaking the law or anything."

Kiku visibly relaxed, letting go of Yong Soo before he could lick his 'oknee-changs' hand.

Then I thought of something.

"Hey, Eduard?" I said, leaning over the table. "You wouldn't know how to listen in or track phone calls, would you? Or like, say: install hidden cameras…right?"

Eduard winked. "Well, they don't call me a technical genius for nothing."

"So… is that a yes or a no?" I asked.

Eduard winked twice.

"Dude, work with me here," I groaned.

Eduard winked three times, gritting his teeth. "Take the bait, imbecile," he whispered under his breath. "I can't say it out loud with teachers walking by…"

I furrowed my brows. "So that's a no?"

I don't know why, but Eduard banged his head onto the desk.

When he sat up again, Eduard winked four times.

Was this foreign sign language for something? "A yes, then?"

"Oh, for the love of God!" Eduard shouted.

It took some time for Kiku to calm down the Estonian.

Now, I knew 100% that these kids weren't bad apples. It's the main reason why I showed them my badge, revealing that I was an undercover cop. I then asked for their help.

It was perfectly legal to do this. The only problem was that these kids weren't legally bound to help me. If they revealed my identity, however, then they faced the possible charge of interfering with a criminal investigation.

Yeah, that's right twerps! I read up on these rules! Even if it was only last night! HA! SUCK IT!

"What's in it for us?" Yong Soo asked. "You know, if we do decide to help you."

I grinned widely. This was the one thing I was good at doing. "I'll help you get girls."

"Girls with big boobs, or girls with hella great bodies?" Yong Soo chirped, putting on his poker face. He was unable to contain his excitement.

I nodded my head. " _Yes."_

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

Alfred actually did something right for once by getting some of his tech friends to help us out with the investigation. He seemed like he had everything in control, so I didn't get too mad when he revealed that they knew we were cops now.

If anything, we had just acquired more eyes and ears in the school.

Now all we needed to figure out was how to get all the popular kids in one place at once.

It was a Friday afternoon, concluding the second week of our mission. Despite our extremely rough start, no other mishaps have occurred thus far.

I was lying on my back, staring at the bottom of Alfred's bunk bed. The drone of Alistair using the lawnmower outside was making it hard to think. Even with the windows shut, the sound still grated my nerves.

While I lazily lounged about, Alfred was sitting at my desk. He was playing world of Warcraft with his newfound pals.

It was only when my phone beeped with a text that Alfred looked up from the computer screen. "Who are you texting?" he asked, a slight hint of jealousy in his tone.

I stifled a laugh. These 'memes' were pretty clever, simple as they may be. "Matthias," I replied. "Can you believe it, Alfred? I just might be popular this time, _me_!"

My chest swelled with both pride and relief. And here I thought I would be bullied on the spot the minute I walked into that dreaded hormonal institution.

Alfred huffed and jealously pouted his lips.

"You know," I continued, "we still need to gain their full trust. If we could just find something to do that's…oh I don't know, ludicrous, responsible, reckless; something that will make us seem just like them. We need to act like proper teenagers."

"Why don't we throw a party?" Alfred suggested.

I sat up from the bed. "That's actually a brilliant idea!" I commended. "Really! I think it would work! I'll invite Bella, who will invite Matthias, and so on and so forth. We could have them all right under our noses; that's when we'll do the real investigating!"

"Yeah!" Alfred agreed, excitedly raising a fist to the air. "This will also be my chance to make up with them and become popular too!"

I faltered. "Maybe you should just stick to one social group. I mean, it's good to have our ties spread all over the school..."

"Nah, dude. I can become friends with both," Alfred argued. "Those kids will warm up to me eventually."

I sighed. There was no point talking to him about this. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the popular kids already thought that he was weird. There would be no salvaging his reputation among them.

Alfred had a big ego but was easily hurt, and I didn't want to break this news to him.

I'd let him find out for himself, seeing as how stubborn he was.

I could only hope he didn't take it too roughly when he did.

…

Two hours later and I was holding down my part of the plan.

I already had Bella's number, but rather than texting her, I decided to take the old-fashioned route by calling her.

Alfred had just run-off to the bathroom, so this was my only opportunity to call her without any loud or annoying hindrances.

Nervous, I paced back and forth in the bedroom. I held the mobile to my ear, clutching onto it for dear life. "It's all right, Arthur. You've got this. It doesn't matter if there's a significant generational gap, you're still a gentleman, and ladies love that. All it takes is a bit of charm."

"All it takes is a bit of what-now?" Bella laughed as she answered the phone.

I paled.

"Hello? Oliver? This is you, right?" Bella asked.

"Ah! Um! Yes, it's me," I stammered.

"Why are you calling me?" she snickered. "I didn't know we were back in the 2000s?"

"Oh," I smiled weakly. "I, uh, prefer it this way. It's more polite."

I was so nervous that I didn't hear the flush of the toilet down the hallway.

"Okay…I suppose I can understand that," Bella mused. "So, what's up?"

Before I could answer, Alfred stopped outside the bedroom and gave me a wicked look. He smirked, ready to embarrass me since he knows how flustered I get when I speak to girls.

I sat down on the bed, attempting to ignore Alfred, but failed miserably as he grabbed a pillow and began to whack me in the head with it.

"Ah! Ah! Ouch!" I grunted, holding up one hand to counter Alfred's attacks. "I wanted to-! Bloody hell, ah!" I cried out.

"Um…" Bella paused. "Are you alright?"

"Fine!" I panted, aiming a sharp kick to Alfred's shin. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Go on," Bella replied in an amused tone.

Again, Alfred interrupted me by cupping two hands over his mouth, shrieking at the top of his lungs. "GaaAAAAAAAAyyyyy! PORN! FAP! FAP! FAP! HI, MY NAME IS OLIVER AND I'M ADDICTED TO TENTACLE PORN! GORDON RAMSAY IS MY DADDY!"

By the grace of God, Bella was quick to read into the situation. "Is that your brother in the background?"

"Yes, unfortunately," I sighed. "Would you give me a moment?"

"Sure?"

I cupped a hand over the phone. "WOULD YOU STOP?!" I screeched. "She's going to think I'm a pervert!"

"That's because ye are!" Alistair shouted from downstairs.

"NOT HELPING!" I bellowed before aiming a swift kick to Alfred's groin. While he doubled over in pain, I was somehow able to shove him out of the room.

I had to move the entire wardrobe in front of the door to prevent Alfred from entering the room again.

When I finally got back to the phone, I was a panting and dripping mess. "Sorry about that," I apologized. "My brother, he's uh, special. He never stops bugging me. It's a lot to deal with."

"It's okay! Trust me, I know how annoying siblings can be," Bella agreed. "I have two of them, both guys. They never stop eating, and are always butting into my business!"

I chuckled. "I'm glad that at least someone shares my pain. So, I was wondering. Al and I are throwing a party tomorrow. Would you be interested in going?"

"Sure, why not? Can I bring people?"

"Yes! Yes!" I blurted out. "Bring as many people as you possibly can. That would, ah, be 'awesome'," I muttered, the slang feeling foreign on my tongue.

"Mon dieu, Ollie. You crack me up," Bella giggled. "You're just so formal! It's cute!~!"

I blushed from the praise. "Thank you?"

"It's a compliment, cher. Anyways, I have to go now. Just a quick word of advice, if you make a FB page, news of the party will spread quicker. Oh, and if it's any consolation. No, I don't think you're a pervert, a goofball maybe, but it's oddly endearing. I like you a lot, Oliver Walker. We should definitely get to know each other better."

I couldn't remember the rest of the phone call: I stammered. Bella laughed. I blushed. Bella teased.

By the time the phone call was over, I had completely dissociated. My brain was fried.

Alfred waved a hand in front of my face. Huh? When did I remove the wardrobe from the door? "Uh-oh. Don't tell me you find her attractive?"

Silence.

"DUDE!"

…

Saturday morning…

Before we could even think of preparing for the party tonight, Lovino called us into his office.

I knew there was something wrong the moment I spotted the swiss army knife he held in his dominant hand. In front of him there was a ripe, untouched tomato sitting on a plate.

"Tell me, assholes," Lovino started with a snarl, "why is it that I've heard rumours about you two throwing a party tonight?"

Alfred and I remained silent and stiff, our spines as straight as humanely possible.

"Let me cut to the chase…" Lovino glared, stabbing his knife right into the tomato.

Alfred moved to wipe the juice that had splattered onto his glasses, but I held down his wrist, silently shaking my head.

"If I even so much as hear that my officers were giving alcohol to minors, you can both expect to rot away in prison for the rest of your miserable lives. A stretched asshole will be the least of yours worries by the time I'm done with you," Lovino warned, speaking slowly as he waggled the knife back and forth. "Don't make me bring out, Romano. Crazy shit happens when you piss him off."

Alfred whimpered.

"Thank you, sir, understood. That was very crudely put," I said, awkwardly clearing my throat.

"Get the fuck out of here before I stab you two cunts!" Lovino roared.

I had never run so fast in my life.

…

 _Saturday afternoon…_

Now all Alfred and I had to do was get my brothers out of the house until at least tomorrow afternoon. After pooling our money together, we bought three tickets for a casino a few hours away. Alistair and Isaac leapt at the chance to go, too happy and oblivious to realize the true reason we were shooing them out of the house.

We had excused this outing as our thanks for them hosting us.

William was more reluctant to go, but Alistair just about forced him to pack up, insisting that he get out of the house for once instead of reading all the time.

The tickets were expensive, but it was already agreed that what we were doing was for the best. A kid had died of an overdose; we couldn't let something like that happen again. It was our job to save and protect lives. Although, it looks like we would have to break a few rules in the process…

Isaac and Alistair were already in the car, eager to enjoy their night out.

Meanwhile, William lurked on the front steps, giving me a soft glare of warning. He narrowed his pale eyebrows at me. "I don't know what you're up to, and frankly I don't care, just don't too anything too reckless and be safe."

I robotically nodded my head up and down. "Yes, yes, of course," I sheepishly admitted.

Satisfied, William turned his back, lazily waving over his shoulders. "You're a horrible liar, Arthur. You're lucky I'm such a good older brother."

I smiled. "That, I am."

When my brothers drove off and were out of sight, I burst into the kitchen and reached up to give Alfred a high-five. Previously, he had been dancing around the kitchen's island top, chugging several beers in celebration.

The party was on.

…

 _Saturday night, 9PM:_

Alfred and I were just about ready for the party. Since we couldn't technically buy any alcohol, and thus 'serve' it to minors, we had made the event BYOB. Obviously, we would still get arrested should our captain find out that we had willingly let minors consume alcohol in our presence, but there were a lot more important things to worry about.

All the laws and rules we were breaking was for a good cause –we were saving the lives of mere children.

Perhaps that's why I didn't feel so bad when Alfred found Isaac's stash of marijuana under the living room couch. Or why I didn't say anything when Alfred put the drugs on display along with the rest of the chip bowls and appetizers.

It's not like Isaac could call me out, a cop, for possessing an illegal substance.

There was still half an hour before the party started, so we were both pretty jittery, adding in final touches here and there to make the house as 'hipster' as possible. There were several lava lamps, party streamers, and puka shell necklaces on display, found in every room and crevice, as well as garbage bins just to be safe.

The walls were decorated with additional photos of baby, toddler, and awkward pre-teen Alfred to make our cover story as brothers more believable. My favourite embarrassing photo of him was the one where he was dressed up as Superman when he was three. He hadn't responded very well to me calling him a "baby douche."

Anyways, for the plan to work, we also had to lock up the second floor of the house, as that was where Alfred would be running his intelligence operation with his newfound friends. Once Matthias and his friend group arrived, it was my job to get information about the FMA drug from them.

For now, all we could do was wait.

Alfred, wearing an old bomber jacket of his that apparently made him look cool, paced back and forth in front of the kitchen, anxiously glancing at the food and drugs table.

"I don't know, man," Alfred rambled. "I still think we should have borrowed some more drugs from evidence lock-up. Most of those cases never make it to court anyway. What if what we have isn't enough and they want to leave right away?"

I rolled my eyes. "We're not trying to ruin their lives, Alfred. All you'd find in there is heroine or marijuana laced with something too strong to be taken at a high school party. Remember, we're here to prevent a kid from overdosing again," I trailed off solemnly.

Alfred sadly nodded his head. "True, very true," he agreed.

"Why are you so nervous?" I asked, furrowing my brows. "Didn't you used to party a lot back in high school and college?"

"Yeah! But that was a long time ago! And, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've got a lot of grounds to make if I want to have a good second impression on these kids. Shit! I'm taking a shot. I need to calm down."

"I'll have one too," I said, only for Alfred to shake his head at me as he poured himself a shot of tequila.

"No alcohol for you just yet, Artie," Alfred teased. "You're a lightweight. Wait until after we get the information before you drink anything. We need you to have a clear head. Once we get enough evidence, then you can put on the reckless teenager act. Lord knows how much you need to unwind."

Reluctantly, I resorted to drinking ginger ale instead, grumbling curses into the pop can. Whether I liked it or not, Alfred was right. I couldn't get drunk right away if I wanted to follow through with our plan. I could be 'relatable' and 'fun' with these kids once my job was done.

Fifteen minutes before the party officially started, the doorbell rang.

"COME IN!" Alfred bellowed from the kitchen.

Soon afterwards, a group of three lanky teenagers, presumably nerds judging by how two of them had bowl cuts, walked into the kitchen.

"Welcome to the operation, kiddos," Alfred greeted before pointing at me. "This here is Arthur, my buddy and partner in crime solving. He'll be the one doing the sneaking around for ya."

I said my hellos, feeling like I was looking in a mirror at my past self. The nostalgia caused an unsettling feeling to curdle in the pit of my stomach.

Alfred then began with the introductions. The silent, stoic kid was Kiku, a senior. The loud, excited and touchy one was Yong Soo, who was only a freshman – there would be absolutely no drinking for him. Lastly, the blond with glasses was Eduard, a senior who technically should be a junior.

They all seemed like pleasant, polite kids, and not wanting to hurt their feelings, as they seemed excited to be invited to something for once, I pulled Alfred out of the kitchen.

"You lot should probably head upstairs now," I whispered to Alfred. "If the other kids see...them, they might feel inclined to leave."

I didn't want to state the obvious. I communicated it with my facial expression instead. These kids were at the bottom of the social food chain and weren't exactly thought of as cool. If the populars spotted nerds in the vicinity, they wouldn't be sticking around for long.

It was a cruel world; still, I was just being realistic.

Alfred got my message loud and clear, albeit not liking it. "Roger that, _Arthur_ ," he said bitterly. "You don't have to worry about us ruining your reputation."

Alfred turned to leave.

"Wait! Alfred!" I called out, but Alfred had already left.

The fact that he hadn't called me Artie never even crossed my mind.

…

So far, so good. People arrived at around ten, and the party was full-blown. The food was being eaten, alcohol and drugs were being consumed (good lord), and the music was great. Laughter, shouting, and the grunts of grinding filled the air. Girls were dressed in skimpy outfits while boys circled around them like piranhas sniffing blood in a bed of water.

People truly did seem to be having a great time.

The only problem was that Matthias's friend group hadn't shown up yet.

Alfred mirrored my nervousness as he wove in and out of the crowd to find me standing by the front door, agitated in anticipation.

"Dude!" Alfred bellowed.

I turned around. "Where the hell is Matthias?" I deadpanned. "He said he would be here. If he doesn't come, then this whole party would have been for nothing."

"Relax, he'll be here," Alfred reassured me. "Cool people always come late."

I shrugged.

"So…" Alfred drawled. "How does my mascara look? Do you think it's too much?"

"Wait, what?!" I spluttered. "Mascara?!"

Alfred sighed in annoyance. "Like, duh. Girls are into that freaky senpai shit these days."

I looked up at Alfred to find that he was indeed wearing mascara. It made his eyes appear to be unnaturally large. Unlike him, I wore eyeliner, which made your eyes look considerably smaller.

"Whatever," I scoffed. "Do your job and go check up on those boys. I caught that younger one trying to sneak alcohol upstairs. He was going on about building a 'hoe army'. I have no idea what he meant by that, nor do I want to."

Alfred chuckled. "That seems like something Yong Soo would say."

Before I could respond, I spotted a familiar head of spiky blond hair in the crowd, along with his signature Hawaiian print shirt.

On cue, Alfred yelped, sprinting upstairs to warn his friends to prepare their technical equipment.

Matthias, Bella, Tino, Berwald, Lukas and Emil walked into the living room, taking in the vibrant party atmosphere with eager eyes.

Bella was the first one to find me. She ran over to pull me into a hug, her pixie blonde hair bouncing adorably. She was wearing a lovely red t-shirt dress that modestly fell to her knees and a denim jean jacket. In comparison, I felt inferior and emo with my dark black clothing, ripped jeans, and several fake piercings dotting my lips and upper brows.

"Ollie, this party is amazing!" she exclaimed, reaching up to kiss me on both cheeks. She was just so pure and sweet.

Stunned, as I would never understand the European tradition of kissing one's cheeks, I numbly reached up to touch my face. "T-thanks," I stammered, smiling weakly. "I tried."

"Well, you did good, son," Matthias commended, reaching over to drape an arm over Bella's waist. I awkwardly looked away.

A blur behind Matthias prompted me to turn towards the staircase. Alfred stood there, frantically waving for me to keep the Dane busy while he and his nerds pocketed his phone.

Slowly, as I conversed with the Scandinavian group + 1, Alfred and his friends poured into the living room, sneaky expressions on their faces.

"So," I cleared my throat. "How about them tweets?"

Emil scoffed; Berwald glared; Tino smiled to humour me; Matthias cackled; and Lukas never even bothered to look up from his phone, already bored with the illegal activities presented before him.

Meanwhile, Bella cocked her head to the side. "Was that supposed to be a joke?" she smirked.

"Yes! Yes! Of course!" I lied sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck.

Sensing that I was in trouble, Alfred dove in to ruin the day. "Matthias, my man! How are ya?"

Matthias gave Alfred an uneasy look. "Just chilling… you?"

At the other end of the room, Alfred's friends stood impatiently.

"Wait for the signal," Kiku muttered with narrowed eyes, instructing Eduard and Yong Soo. The moment Alfred winked at them, they were quick on their feet.

"Hey!" Alfred shouted over the music. "Would ya'll like a beer?"

As planned, Alfred bumped into Matthias, spilling beer over the front of the Dane's shirt.

"For the love of God, Allen!" I feigned inconvenience. "Could you be anymore annoying?!"

"Sorry! It was an accident, I swear!"

While I helped Matthias and Bella pat down Matthias's shirt, Yong Soo dove in behind the Dane, snatching his cellphone from his back jean pocket.

To create a further distraction, Yong Soo threw the phone over to Kiku, grabbed Matthias's chest, screamed "NICE PECS!" and then sprinted away upstairs.

Matthias was too bewildered to have even noticed this.

When Alfred excused himself to grab another towel, in other words, copy information from Matthias's sim card, I did damage control.

"I'm so sorry, mate," I sighed. "My brother, he's not exactly the sharpest person out there."

"He sucks, that's what," Matthias deadpanned, trying to stay optimistic despite the unfortunate chain of events. "Eh, I won't let that get me down, there's no point! The night is still young. Why don't you show us around, Walker? Give us a quick house tour?"

"Of course," I smiled. "I'd love to."

I would have been a lot more charming had I not blushed uncontrollably when Bella folded her arm into mine, even if she was just being friendly.

…

 **Alfred's POV** :

 _Upstairs in the bedroom…_

I hollered my nerdy army on as they extracted Matthias's sim card and began to copy data from it. We had a small window of opportunity while Arthur kept them busy downstairs. Then, we would have to create another distraction to return the soon-would-be bugged phone to its rightful delinquent owner.

Since I was so amped up, I began tossing sock balls into a laundry bin, acting as if it were a game of basketball. Swish goes the victory of this mission!

"All right, men! Let's make this mission a success! Extract that data ASAP!"

Eduard and Kiku were sitting on the bed, pressing their faces close to the laptop that was downloading the extracted data. The loading bar indicated there was still 66% of information left.

Unbeknownst to me, Yong Soo was in the closet, getting drunk.

"Let's go! Let's go!" I bellowed.

Eduard turned to roll his eyes at me. "We're going as fast as we can!" he huffed.

"Well, go faster!" I urged, anxiety beginning to settle in. "This can't take too long. It's now or never!"

The two nerds went back to ignoring me.

Still, I wanted to cheer them on.

"Nanananananananananana BATMAN, BATMAAAAAAAN!"

Eduard gave me a disturbed look. " **What** are you doing?"

"Being supportive, duh. Don't you nerds thrive off well-placed references?" I asked.

Kiku smiled at me for the first time. "Alfred-san, I was wrong. You're not so bad, after all."

My cheeks flushed slightly. I was really beginning to warm up to these kids. "Thanks, man."

While Kiku and Eduard finished downloading the rest of the data, I poked my head over the upstairs railing in the hallway. Matthias and his group were lurking by the front door while a flustered Arthur tried to convince them not to leave.

"CRAP!"

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

After about an hour of making terrible jokes and leading Matthias and his friends around the house, stalling for Alfred, the group quickly became bored.

Tino sighed. "This is getting really lame. There's like, no hot guys here."

Tino didn't notice the disappointed look on Berwald's face.

"Yeah," Emil agreed. "Let's just go home already. I could be hacking into government websites, but no, of course not, you idiots just had to drag me here."

Matthias faltered, scratching his head. "Ah, maybe we _should_ call it a night. We can head over to my house, smoke some weed, and put on a movie or something?" he suggested.

Everyone except for Bella agreed.

I had to think of something quick. They couldn't leave before Matthias's phone was returned to him.

"Wait!" I called out frantically as the group began to saunter over to the door. "You just got here! We have plenty of free pot too!"

Matthias raised a brow in interest. "Oh?"

Before I could answer him, Lukas elbowed Matthias in the ribcage, hissing lowly under his breath. "Look who just arrived," he growled, aiming a pointed stare at the two strangers who had just walked into the house. They clearly weren't from Hetalia High, since no one greeted them.

There were two boys, one with strawberry-blond hair and weirdly pointed canines, and a boy with black hair and green eyes. They both had wide smirks on their faces as they strode over to us.

"Lukas, my favourite environmentally-friendless snob, how are you?" the strawberry blond leered.

I tensed in reciprocation to how Matthias and his friends were acting.

"Fine," Lukas ground out. "What are you doing here, Vlad?" he spat.

Vlad shrugged, waving about a thin hand that had its finger nails painted black. He too was a goth. "I heard rumours that there's a new drug going around. Thought I would grab some for myself."

"You still haven't paid us back from last time," Bella glared, looking the meanest I had ever seen her be. Whoever these kids were, they weren't very well liked, and probably for a very good reason if the normally cheerful Belgian was treating them with disdain.

"Details, details," Vlad dismissed, a wry smile on his face. "So, Dane, how about you fork over the good stuff, yeah? I'm always looking for new stuff to deal, you deal?"

"In your dreams," Matthias gave Vlad a stony look. "I don't deal with unreliables. You've fucked with my client list enough. Learn how to stick to your own territory."

"He wasn't asking," the green-eyed boy beside Vlad threatened. The bright smile on his face was unnerving. "Give us the drugs, Kohler."

"You should listen to Boris," Vlad sneered. "Wouldn't want to cause a scene, now would we?"

Matthias reeled back, fuming. It seemed like a fight was about to break out.

It was time to put my knowledge of de-escalating conflicts into good use.

Or should I say, horrible, destructive use?

"Woah, woah, woah," I held out an arm between Matthias and Vlad.

Matthias gave me a confused look.

"Don't worry, I got this," I reassured the Dane, confidently looking over my shoulder.

"You sure, Walker?" Matthias asked.

"Yeah, 'dude'" I smirked. "I can handle these twats any day of the week."

I then walked up to Vlad so that we were face-to-face. "Now, listen here you," I growled, feeling adrenaline leak into my veins as I knew that everyone in the room was staring at us.

"Just who the hell do you think you are, walking into _my_ house, demanding things like mannerless scoundrels? I suggest that you take your shitty behaviour and leave," I growled.

"Nah," Vlad chuckled. "I think I'll stay. Besides, what are _you_ going to do about it?"

I puffed up my chest like an oaf. "Very well. I'll make you leave then."

Vlad's expression darkened. "You wanna see mannerless oaf?"

"Surprise me," I smirked.

Vlad threw a punch to my right cheek. "Well, there you freaking go!" he snarled.

(Everything after that I was unable to recall once sobered.)

Vlad surged forward, tackling me into a wall.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" the crowd jeered.

The sound of the large commotion made Alfred come sprinting downstairs. "Art-! I mean, Ollie! What the hell's happening!?"

"Look around, moron!" I shrieked, ducking to avoid being punched in the face, again. "I'm in the middle of a fudging fight! What do I do?!"

"FIGHT BACK!" Alfred shouted, quickly leaping into the chaos to send a round-house kick to Boris's stomach.

I continued to duck, avoiding the punches and claws (?) Vlad threw at me. I couldn't hurt him without fearing any legal repercussions.

"I'm sorry!" I yelped, jumping to the side. "I didn't mean it. I'm just hurting so much, you know? This was my one chance to be cool, and I didn't want to blow it! I wanted to be relevant, okay?! I'm relatable… r-right?"

Vlad replied by throwing a bowl of chips at my head.

"CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A CIVILIZED DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS?" I deadpanned, sprinting out of the kitchen.

Vlad was still on my tail.

"For Christ's sake!" I huffed. "I'm trying to explain my sad back story! Let me be relatable and quirky, damn you!"

The last straw for me was when Vlad had me pinned against the fireplace's mantel. Cornered and with nowhere to go, I looked up, gratefully noticing Isaac's bong that we had masked as a decorative vase.

"Fuck it all, I'm done!" I screamed, slamming the bong on the back of the Romanian's head.

 **CRASH!**

Vlad crumpled to the ground, knocked out cold.

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" I gasped.

The whole room fell silent.

"Shit," Matthias remarked.

"Fuck," Alfred added before sneaking Matthias's phone back into his pocket.

"Damn," Bella whistled.

"Olay~!" Antonio cheered. When the hell did he and the frog even get here – in their covers no less?

Wild with euphoria, I raised the half-broken bong to the air. "LET'S TAKE SOME SHOTS, YEAH?"

"YEAH!

The party resumed, crazier than ever before.

I didn't have to worry about the populars wanting to leave anymore.

…

Turns out, the party got way out of hand, and yours truly may have had one too many shots upon finishing his task for the night.

Since Antonio and Francis were already here with their 'friends', Alfred and I had asked them to do us a solid. We would owe them a favor in return if they ever needed help with their mission. Since they had also let minors consume alcohol, it was an unspoken promise that we would never tell Lovino about this.

Putting on sunglasses to hide their faces, as well as their actual police uniforms, Antonio and Francis pretended to raid the party, finally bringing it to an end.

Antonio kicked open the front door, raising his stun gun. "PARTY'S OVER!" he screamed. "EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!"

"HONHONHON! BUSTED!"

Chaos erupted as everyone scrambled out of the house, using the back door and any nearby windows.

I found myself sprinting alongside Matthias on the street outside.

Once we were a safe distance from the house, we stopped to catch our breaths, doubling over. I clutched at my knees, wheezing. I should have eaten more. My stomach was burning from all the alcohol in my system.

When we both had sufficient oxygen in us, we straightened up and threw each other a maniacal grin.

"Man, that party was awesome!" Matthias cackled into the night.

Matthias held out his right fist, and I immediately bumped my own fist with it.

"Hey, Walker?"

"Yeah?" I smirked.

"I like you. How do you feel about making some extra cash?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Go on?"

Matthias patted me on the back. "I'mma let you in on a drug operation we've got going on. If you're good, that is. I can't sell all these drugs on my own. I need a right-hand bro at my side. What do you say? Would you be interested?"

"Whatever you're talking about, I'm in!" I eagerly agreed.

Matthias's grin only became wider. "AWESOME!"

Just then, Alfred came sprinting over to us. "WOW! What a rush. I'm glad you guys didn't caught. Wild, right?" he asked Matthias.

Matthias's grin faded. "Right… anyways, I'll text you later, Ollie."

Matthias turned to leave, ignoring Alfred completely.

Alfred chuckled nervously. "He likes me, right?"

"Uh, yeah, sure he does," I replied.

Alfred had a disappointed look on his face again.

Before cleaning up the mess the party had left behind, I took Alfred to McDonald's, hoping to cheer him up.

He was still sad by the time we got home.

 **To be continued…**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: YES PROGRESS, FINALLY LOL. Even though this story went on for a pretty long hiatus last year** (which it won't again, lol don't worry), **there won't be more than three chapters left :P Anyways, for those of you who have watched the movie, you probably have started to notice that my plot is slowly starting to divert away from the original. I want to put my own spin on the story, and I didn't really care for how the movie ended things.**

 **That being said, enjoy the longest chapter ever (13,000 words holy shit) Take care, and have a great day/night! and thank you so much for all the support. It really keeps me going :)**

 **-Ella**

* * *

Early November…

 **Arthur's POV** :

Now that Alfred had Matthias's phone wired, it made our investigation considerably easier. We were still in the process of gathering evidence. So far, we hadn't figured out who the supplier was. The Dane's text messages were still very covert and didn't offer up much useful information.

What we did know was this: Matthias was the dealer. Surprisingly, Berwald, Lukas and Tino weren't actually making the drug. Instead, they used the chemistry lab to make the little baggies the capsules came in. The only science going on was them making those distinct cross-themed stickers that branded the drug as being sold by them.

Still, Alfred had done something right for once. Since I had become one of Matthias's right-hand men, it was about time that I carried my weight too.

I walked into the boiler room at lunch, alone, to meet with Matthias. I had agreed to start dealing drugs for him.

I blinked under the harsh red lighting and found Matthias languidly sitting in a lawn chair, the rest of his friends standing around him like bodyguards save for Lukas who was rather busy picking dirt out of his fingernails. Bella wasn't present. As far as I knew, she just hung out with the Nordic gang of drug dealers.

"Ollie, my man!" Matthias bellowed, and stood up from his seat. "You came!"

"Yeah," I grunted in an attempt to be manly. Emphasis on trying. "Why wouldn't I? I'm always looking to make some quick cash. So, where can I get my hands on that kush?"

"Kush?" the five friends cocked their heads to the side in confusion.

Sweat beaded on my forehead. "You know," I waved my right hand, secretly fanning myself. "The drugs?"

Damn you, tumblr! Those egalitarian hipsters had no idea what they were talking about! They just pretended to be cool!

Matthias cracked up with laughter. "You're so strange! Here, man," he turned to open a pencil-case on the table behind him. Inside, there were several plastic packets of the FMA drug. BINGO!

After closing it as if to verify what he was giving me, Matthias handed me the drug-filled pencil-case.

I let out an impressed whistle, for different reasons mind you, and placed the pencil-case in my backpack.

"I have high hopes for you!" Matthias grinned. He raised his hand for a high-five.

"Let's sell some drugs!" I reciprocated. I went for a fist-bump instead, only to correct my position, blushing profusely despite the generous application of foundation caked onto my face.

…

Smugly, I dumped close to 100 packets of the FMA drug onto Captain Vargas's desk.

Alfred stood next to me, morose as he had wanted to be more in on the action as opposed to standing on the sidelines.

Lovino raised a skeptical brow, thin hands pawing through the drugs. He held up several packets to the air and inspected then. When he saw that they were all real, he handed me a wad of cash to give to Matthias. This way, it would make it seem like I had sold the drugs rather than turning it into the police for evidence.

"Atta bastard, browzilla!" Lovino commended, still with a sneer on his face. Although, if you looked closely, you could barely see the wisp of a pleased smile poking at the corners of his lips.

"That's more fucking like it!"

…

Swaggering my steps to mimic how cool kids walked these days, I approached Matthias's locker, large wad of cash in hand.

I tapped the Dane on the shoulder and smirked cockily. "You gave and I present," I feigned a bow, and handed him the money.

"Jesus, Ollie!" Matthias exclaimed. "That was fast! Way to go!"

"Ooomph!" I yelped as Matthias pounded a heavy, albeit friendly fist against my back.

"I knew trusting you was a good idea!"

While Matthias and the rest of the boys triumphed in the sales revenue I had just made for them, Bella casually leaned against her locker.

I don't know why, but she was biting her bottom lip, glancing at me with steady, green eyes.

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

While Arthur was busy bonding with the cool-kids-who-aren't-actually-cool-but-just-pretended-to-be, I decided to spend my lunch period in the chemistry classroom with my fellow nerds. They were totally my homies now.

I stopped before the closed-off chemistry classroom and knocked on the door.

"Password?" Yong Soo trilled on the other side.

"Hima is my senpai!" I declared boldly, uncaring to the weird stares I received in return.

Yong Soo opened the door of the chemistry classroom, a wide grin on his face.

"So, how's the wire tap coming along?" I asked once the door was shut.

Kiku looked up from his laptop. He was seated at a desk beside Eduard. "There's been some discussion of a meeting involving two mystery codenames. One is called Knife, and the other, Scar. I think Kohler is planning a large drug deal at the end of the week."

"Either that, or he's giving money to his supplier," Eduard added in, adjusting his glasses. "It's still pretty murky to decipher through their conversations. The grammatical errors are difficult to understand. I'm still trying to crack through it all. I also have my suspicions that they're a lot smarter than they're playing themselves off to be."

I swung a leg over a desk and sat on the edge of it. "That's perfect! As long as we're getting somewhere, that's all that matters. Heck, maybe now we can get all the evidence we need to lock those environmentalist jerks up. Thanks, little dudes. I promise all your efforts will be worth it in the end."

"You're still going to get us dates to the Winter Formal, right?" Yong Soo ogled at me, lips pursed in a pout.

I ruffled the Korean's hair. "Of course! So, now what?"

"Well," Kiku grinned slyly. It unnerved me quite a bit. "We still have forty minutes of lunch left."

"And we can always come back to the tap later, as the texts are recorded automatically…" Eduard trailed off.

Everything fit into place when Yong Soo procured a bottle of Pepsi and Mentos from his backpack. "Let's prank Principal Fritz!" he cackled.

A wicked smile spread across my face. "Yo! Y'all just keep on surprising me! Hell yeah, I'm so in! I hate that guy!"

Role Model, Smole Model. If these kids wanted to have some harmless fun, then so be it. After everything they've done for me, I _so_ wasn't about to be a stick-in-the-mud.

Next thing I knew, Kiku had his hoodie drawn up, well-prepared to put our prank into motion. He snuck into the office when the secretary wasn't looking. The rest of us stood outside, stifling our giggles as we waited to run for our effing lives. I had to be extra careful with Yong Soo, and took the extra precaution of clamping a hand over his mouth. He was the loudest of us all.

A pop, scream, and satisfying fizzle later, and we were all sprinting for the chemistry classroom.

Principal Fritz, who's white blouse was now stained brown, came scrambling out of his office. Everyone in the hallway "ooohed" in painful reciprocation when he slipped and fell straight on his ass.

"Get back here, you little arseholes!" Principal Fritz screamed. He was too furious to filter his mouth in front of the other students.

"Sir, are you all right? Do you need any help?"

"Fuck off, Henrique! No one likes you! You peaked in middle school!"

Henrique teared up.

Meanwhile, Principal Fritz frothed at the mouth. Kiku had somehow managed to get the bottle to land directly on the principal's desk.

"Run! Run! Run!" I urged. The soles of my converse squeaked and skidded as we turned into the Science wing.

"Take cover!" Eduard opened the door of the chemistry room, waving us forward.

 **SLAM!**

I shut the door of the chemistry room, having had to practically drag Yong Soo inside so that he made it to safety in time. Principal Fritz stormed right past us, unsuspecting that he had been bested by a rag-tag group of dorks.

When we had all caught our breaths, we burst out laughing.

"Man!" I said, wiping away a tear. "Is that what it's like being a nerd in high school? Sign me the hell up! That was awesome! I love this science shit!"

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

 _How to be relatable, by Arthur Kirkland._

 **Lesson #1: Do illegal shit that has a 99% of you getting fired, or killed, or both.**

Armed with spray-paint cans, I led Matthias into a remote part of the police station's parking lot. Lovino was reporting to his grandfather today, which had left his cruiser wide open to be vandalized.

I still needed to be accepted by the populars, all right?! Besides, after all the insults I've been subjected to in the Hump Street project, this was merely just karma materializing itself.

"Over here!" I hissed as I ducked behind another police cruiser. Matching hoods drawn up, I waved Matthias forward.

The Dane tucked and rolled beside me, breathing wildly. "Fuck, if we get caught man…"

"You're dealing drugs, and you're worried about getting charged with vandalism?" I rolled my eyes at him.

Matthias swallowed. "Damn. You're right. Still, it'd be pretty freaking cool if we're able to pull this off."

"If?" I teased. "I think you mean will."

I stood up and strutted over to the targeted cruiser. I needed to assert my dominance if I wanted the teen to follow my lead.

Success! Matthias's footsteps thudded after me. "Oliver!" he hissed. "At least crouch down a little, fuck! They're going to see you!"

"Nah, I don't think so. We'll be fine. Trust me, mate," I mused, shaking the graffiti can. Truth is, I knew the officers were holding their weekly conference now. The cameras were also turned just the right way to allow us to do this without getting caught.

The can hissed as I sprayed "I like Spanish dick" onto the side of the cruiser.

This was only a rumour circulating around back at the church, but Eliza strongly believed that Lovino and Antonio were secretly banging each other. I knew this would piss off Lovino in more ways than one; it was the main reason why I was doing this.

That's what he gets for calling me Browzilla.

Matthias wheezed with laughter, and had to hold a fist to his mouth to prevent himself from being too loud. "You're a wild one, Walker!" he commended. "Weird even! But a good kind of weird, ja feel?"

"Ah, yes, being weird is certainly my forte," I murmured to myself.

Matthias added his own spin by painting a dick next to the words I had sprayed.

We smugly inspected our work for a bit, snapping pictures before having to leave in a hurry.

Lovino had spotted us from afar. He angrily rolled up his sleeves, no doubt ready to pound us into a ground of dust. Thankfully, our hoods masked our identities.

I had never run so fast in my entire life.

…

 **Lesson #2. Be a gentleman and flirt with dank (?) memes.**

Once I got over the initial nerves of playing sports in front of people, I became one among the top players in our class's co-ed soccer team. I suppose it had to do with the encouragement of my friends, as opposed to the constant jeering I've experienced all my life.

Praise did wonders for a person.

Bella and I had also become quick friends. The timing of the season was weird, but it started in mid-October and ended in December. So far, we had a 5 wins and 0 losses record. I had scored ten goals as right winger, and Bella, who was just behind me and played striker, had scored nine goals.

Since the games occurred during class, Alfred never got to see any of them. He was too busy nerding it up in English with the Taiwanese teacher I strongly suspected had a crush on him.

Anyways, Bella and I were an unstoppable pair in everything we did, including sending each other these hilarious picture posts that were allegedly called memes. I say! Where were these things when I was in high school? They really spoke to you, more than a poem ever could.

Once we got tired of memes, I sent Bella a picture of my freshly ironed soccer uniform.

 **Arthur** : Ready for the game next week?

 **Bella:** Yes! We especially need to win this one! Scouts from other Universities are coming to watch it!

 **Arthur** : Better psych myself up then * _sends awkward picture of himself flexing in front of a bathroom mirror, his jersey unintentionally worn backwards_ *

 **Arthur:** Like what you see?

 **Bella:** Yes…but you know what would make it even better?

 **Arthur** : What?

 **Bella** _:_ If I were there with you.

I dropped my phone, stunned.

Bella didn't have a crush on me…did she?

…

I skipped Friday's afternoon classes to go to the mall with Matthias and Lukas. We were shopping in Hot Topic, perhaps the most emo store imaginable.

Lukas went to the back where they kept a large stock of skull accessories.

Matthias joined me in pawing through the spiked belts and chokers section. He elbowed me in the rib-cage playfully, wriggling his brows up and down suggestively. "So, what's this between you and Bella I'm hearing about?" he questioned, blue eyes wild and just as untamed as his hair.

I choked, coughed, and spluttered all at once. "Uh! Nothing!" I stammered. "We just play on the soccer team together, that's all!"

"Ahhhh, don't worry about it, man," Matthias draped an elbow over the shelf. "If you two got the hots for each other, who I am to stop it?"

True to my role, I decided to just run with it. "I thought…I thought you guys were… you know…"

"Huh? Us? Nah!" Matthias waved a large hand at me, smirking. "I mean, we do bang each other sometimes, but it's not exclusive or anything. I don't believe in just sticking to one person. Not when we're so young, you know? There's so much to love in this world. I'd hate to be tied down."

"Oh," I hummed in thought. This guy was getting girls left and right. Meanwhile, I can't remember the last time I've ever managed to peak the interest of a woman. My life was a pathetic marathon of one-night stands, that and lots of gin to wash down the rejection I faced on the daily.

"Go for it. I think she likes you," Matthias encouraged. "You guys would be super cute together if you ask me."

"Yeah, maybe," I murmured.

"If you wait too long, she's going to move on," Matthias lectured before shifting his attention to a pair of ripped jeans. "Hmmm, this looks cool. I'm going to try this on," Matthias grabbed the jeans, and headed over to the change rooms at the back of the store.

"Sweet," I replied. It left a sour taste left in my mouth. This happened every time I used a slang word.

While Matthias and Lukas tried on clothes, I shuffled around the store. A familiar mop of blond shoulder-length curls, rimmed spectacles, and soft violet eyes stared at me from the front counter.

I made eye contact with the cashier. The red flannel shirt they wore was an immediate giveaway. It was Matthew Williams, a fellow recruit I had trained with back at the police academy.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, wondering if we were each thinking the same thing. I didn't exactly look like myself in my goth-like attire. Neither did Matthew. He was dressed a bit edgier than what I was used to seeing and had his hair slicked down with gel.

I broke our silence by walking up to the front counter. "Matthew, is that you?" I asked.

"Arthur?" Matthew smiled softly. "Are you undercover too?" he whispered in an even lower voice than before, crouching over slightly. His eyes roamed over the store, confirming that no one was there to watch or listen in on our conversation.

"Yeah," I said, furrowing my brows. "It's good to see you, lad! I haven't seen you in years. Wait, you're in Jump Street too?"

Matthew nodded. "Yes, sir," he answered politely. "I just joined up with Carlos." I winced in memory of the aggressive Cuban.

"We're here to investigate a prostitution ring," Matthew explained. "He's doubling as a manager in the food court. Vargas wanted ears in all corners of this place. Hey, are you still partners with Alfred?"

I pursed my lips. "Makes sense. And yes, we're undercover at Hetalia high, investigating the outbreak of a new drug. It's already killed a few students."

Matthew winced. "Yikes, I'm sorry to hear that. At least here, we don't have to worry about people dying. It's more like teenage girls are being blackmailed into trafficking their bodies. It's such a shame, not that I'm saying that the problem isn't any worse, eh? Say, have you heard any rumours from where you're stationed at? I know some of the girls from Hetalia High work here after school."

I shook my head to say no. Matthew hadn't heard anything about the FMA drug either.

After briefly catching up with each other, I swiftly pulled away from the counter when Lukas and Matthias exited the change rooms. I couldn't be seen talking to Matthew, otherwise that would draw up a lot of unnecessary questions I wouldn't be prepared to answer.

"Did you like the pants?" I asked Matthias.

"Yeah bro, they really show off my glutes," Matthias cockily replied. This earned himself an eyeroll from Lukas.

"Cool, cool," I shrugged, and casually stuck my shaking hands into my jeans.

Matthew and I refused to look at each other while Matthias and Lukas paid for their things.

All was swell until Carlos walked into the store. He was wearing a brown fast-food uniform.

"Kirkland?" the Cuban bellowed, brown eyes widening in disbelief. He had lost quite a bit of weight since the last time I had seen him. He now wore his dreadlocks down to fit in amongst the teens.

"Kirkland!" Carlos repeated again, louder since I hadn't responded.

I ignored him again. Matthew aimed a sharp look in Carlos's direction, not that it really mattered.

"Arthur Kirkland, you sly bastard! Is that you?! My, you haven't changed at all! You're just as scrawny and pathetic as I remember!"

Matthew facepalmed. "Carlos!" he mouthed. "He's undercover too, you idiot!"

Lukas looked at me skeptically. "Do you know him?" he jabbed a thumb in Carlos's direction.

"N-no!" I squeaked. "But I am about to give him a piece of my damn mind for yelling at strangers for no good reason!"

I ignored the confused expressions on the teens' faces as I walked forward to intercept Carlos at the front of the store.

"Ah! I knew it was you!" Carlos beamed. "How have you–!"

I clamped a hand over Carlos's mouth, and used the other to forcefully drag him to the side.

"What the fuck?!" Carlos protested, his voice muffled.

"Listen!" I hissed. "I'm on a mission right now!"

Carlos faltered, which prompted me to lower my hand. "You're not undercover, are you?"

"What part of me wearing teen's clothing and Matthew yelling at you to shut up did you not understand?!" I roared. "God, you're a fucking moron! You're going to get me killed! I don't know what these punks are capable of, and I'm not about to find out."

"Shit!" Carlos swore loudly. I grabbed at my hair in disbelief. That's it. This entire investigation was over. This time it wasn't even my fault.

"What do we do?!"

"Well for one thing you can shut up!" I seethed.

"Oh great, now they're getting suspicious," I whined. Matthias and Lukas were watching this encounter with wide eyes.

And then it hit me. There was a way of getting out of this; it also involved sweet, sweet revenge.

Carlos's expression became even more confused when I shed him with a devilish grin.

"Sorry, mate, you've had this coming for a long time now for what you did to me back at the academy. Now I have no choice if I want to get out of this unscathed."

"Arthur, what are you…OH!" Carlos grunted, and fell to his knees. I had just kicked him in the groin.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I screamed. To make things even more dramatic, I jabbed an accusatory finger at the doubled over Cuban. "DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU PERV!"

Matthew looked like he wanted to duck behind the counter for the rest of eternity.

"What the hell?" Matthias deadpanned. He ran over to help. "Ollie, are you okay?"

"No, I am not!" I shuddered. "This…this man just tried to grope me. Then I panicked and kicked him!"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Matthias yelled. "I'm calling the cops on this sicko! No one harasses my friend and gets away with it. It's 2017 for Christ sake! I thought we were over this bullshit!"

"NO!" I protested to Matthias's offer. "Let's just get out of here, NOW before they call mall security on us!"

"Okay, damn!" Matthias flinched at my raised tone.

Lukas had already left the store, abandoning us the moment he realized trouble was around the corner.

I spared Matthew one last apologetic glance as Matthias and I sprinted out of the store.

Matthew sighed in defeat. "You did this all to your self, Carlos."

"Go fuck yourself, Matteo," Carlos wheezed in response.

"For the last time, it's _Matthew_!"

…

Later that Friday night…

…

Matthias had invited me over. Lo and behold he lived in a mansion of all places. With his history of drug use/ dealing, and underage drinking, you would think he'd live in a financially poor home and not… well, this.

A butler accepted our backpacks and hung them up in the front room. His voice echoed across the spacious area. I had to squint my eyes to avoid being blinded from the shiny marble…everything.

"Pizza, sir? A joint…or two?" the butler asked.

Matthias shook his head. "Nah, Rod. I'm good. We just picked up some taco bell. We'll have the joints later."

"Speak for yourself," Lukas sighed.

"Very good, sir."

Matthias led us through the living room. It took us nearly ten minutes to reach the outside patio area in the backyard. Steam clouded the space, a ring of hot-tubs and jacuzzis still bubbling despite a lack of occupants. Laughter and the clink of glasses echoed into the night, coming from the tented lounge area where most of our friends were happily seated.

His backyard was heated, _heated_. I couldn't believe it.

"Wow," I remarked. "I never took you for a rich kid, Kohler. Why deal drugs if you have all…this?"

"His parents are shitholes who don't give him enough attention, that's why," Lukas snapped. "He's being rebellious to overcompensate for his lackluster childhood. Of course, he just had to drag me into this giant mess."

"We're besties," Matthias protested with wide puppy eyes. "We do everything together, Lu. It's how things have always been."

"What's that?" Lukas bit his lip, walking straight past Matthias. "Must have been the wind who just spoke to me."

Matthias shrugged as Lukas continued to ignore him. "He's just salty that we almost got arrested today."

"Must be," I smirked. "I still can't get over how big this place is. And to think that your parents don't even know how often you throw parties like this. God, it must be wonderful not to be given a damn about."

"Yeah," Matthias faltered. His shoulders slumped. "It's wonderful all right," he said rather bitterly.

"OLIVER!" Bella called out. She came skipping out of the lounge to greet us.

Matthias held out his arms for a hug, but much to my _and_ the Dane's astonishment, Bella wrapped her arms around my neck instead.

"I'm so glad you could make it!" Bella whispered in my ear. She stretched on her toes so that she was at nose level with me.

"Yeah, well, I never let you down on my promises, now do I?" I mused, tilting up my chin. It looked like Bella was trying to kiss me, but I wasn't exactly sure.

"Get a room you two!" Matthias snickered, whistling.

Correction, she _was_ trying to kiss me.

"Oh! Is that olive pizza? That's my favourite!" Thankfully, I turned my face just in time so that she had only pecked my now very red cheek.

Bella frowned and unwrapped her arms from my neck.

She settled instead for hooking her arm with mine, leaning in close as we walked into the lounge area decorated with enough fairy lights to light up all of Los Angeles.

Even if I was attracted to her and she was eighteen, Bella was still a student. I couldn't take advantage of her.

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

I knocked on the door of the home address Kiku gave me, several take-out boxes from Chipotle in hand.

I nearly choked when Yao Wang opened the door, wearing a red bathrobe that was far too large for him. His amber eyes narrowed into cold slits as he swept back the fringe from his loose ponytail.

"Jones," he answered curtly. "It's been a while."

I bashfully rubbed the back of my neck and nervously gripping the plastic bag, pulling at it until the handle had nearly snapped. "Seven years, actually," I replied. "So, you're Kiku and Yong Soo's older brother?"

Yao wasn't very amused. Back in high school, I had bullied him quite a bit. Seeing him here now was a very unexpected surprise. Last thing I heard was that he had dropped out of medical school to provide for his brothers and younger cousins. He was a registered nurse now.

"And you're the undercover cop they're working with," Yao scowled, crossing his arms. The sound of night crickets chirping outside in the bushes compensated for our painful silence.

"Yeah, I am. I'm also, um, very sorry to hear about Leon."

Yao's expression darkened. "I knew it was a mistake sending him back to live with parents. It was a toxic environment for him."

I didn't know what to say.

"Tell me something, Alfred," Yao said. "If I let you into this house, putting aside all the awful things you've done to me in the past, I want you to promise me one thing."

"Of course, anything."

"You better make sure that no other kid dies from an overdose. That drug has already wreaked havoc in this family. Don't let it ruin another."

I nodded, smiling weakly. "I promise, Yao. My partner, Artie and I, we almost have this case under wraps. What your brothers and Eduard are doing is helping this investigation immensely."

"That's another thing I want to speak to you about. You may have bullied me in high school, but I won't tolerate any of your games in this house. They've been through enough. I want the best for them. I also want you to look out for them.

"You're putting them in a dangerous situation, and if I had it my way, they wouldn't even be in it. I know teenagers, and I know they'll do the opposite of what you tell them to do. My hands are tied; I haven't seen them act so animated in months. That's why, if it comes down to it, I want you protect them with your life. This is your mess, don't make it theirs too."

"Yao," I said, clapping a hand over his shoulder. "I'm a changed man. Yes, it doesn't change how awful I was, and truly I am sorry for that, but I can assure you that it's my job to protect lives. I won't ever put them in a situation where there's a possibility of them getting hurt. We're only doing intelligence anyway."

Yao stared at me hard, looking for any traces of a lie.

There were none.

Yao sighed and stepped to the side. "As much as I hate to say it, thank you. You've given them a reason to live again. Leon was a very close member of their group…"

"Any time, buddy," I nodded and entered the house, closing the door behind me.

Yao yawned. "I better get ready. I have a late-night shift at the hospital," he said, turning to leave the front room. "Oh, and they're in the basement."

"Hey," I called out before Yao could climb up the staircase. "You used to be a secretary, right? You're still good with print and paperwork?"

"Yes, why?"

"Well, if you're ever looking for a job with better hours, I can put in a good word for you, just like I am for Yong Soo, Kiku, and Eduard. The force is always looking for civilian personnel. I heard a desk job just opened up recently in Human Resources, actually. I can get information on it if you like.

"You don't have to worry about your brothers, Yao. I've already informed my boss of their skills and he's agreed to let them work on more intelligence operations. If they choose this path, their futures are all set out for them. You won't have to worry about putting them through college or any of that bullshit. They're geniuses. I mean, geez. Just yesterday they hacked into the FBI's website. Oops! I wasn't supposed to tell you that," I chuckled nervously.

Yao's eyes crinkled at the corners. It was the closest thing to a smile that he was going to give me.

"I would love that, Alfred. I'll get one of them to give you my email address, that way you can contact me about the job. Anything is better than working at the hospital. Aiyah, I feel like a forty-year-old man and I'm not even thirty yet! And yes, I'm well aware of their skills. I try to remain ignorant of it, though. I really don't want to know what they're doing so long as they're not harming anyone."

"Ahaha! Great! I'll make sure to do that!"

Moods high and bouncing like a jittery puppy, I bounded downstairs into the basement. I found Kiku, Eduard, and Yong Soo huddled over a ring of couches in a pitch-black room save for the light the flat screen TV gave off. They were playing Mario cart.

I flicked on the light switch. This brought about a round of groans and a strange hiss from Yong Soo.

Grinning, I held up the bag of Chipotle. "I come bearing food!"

"About time," Eduard rubbed his temple. "The wiretap is all ready to go."

"Excellent!" I boomed. "Let's take down that spiky-haired asshole!"

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

I readjusted my earpiece for what must have been the fiftieth time and re-crossed my legs. Alfred and his band of nerds could hear everything that was being said at this get together.

I had spent most of our time lounging outside on the patio avoiding Bella and her advances. It was difficult having to explain to her that no, she couldn't sit on my lap, even playfully. I had lied and said that I was still bruised from yesterday's soccer practice.

" _Artie!"_ Alfred spoke into the earpiece. " _Can you hear me? Everything's good to go. The cameras are in place, and that pompous butler is in a completely different wing of the house. Matthias's laptop is in the beach house. If you can, use that USB Eduard gave you to gather more information_."

I couldn't respond for obvious reasons.

As of now, Matthias was entertaining everyone by blowing out fancy smoke clouds from his bong. Even I could admit, it took talent to do something like that. Unfortunately, I couldn't pin the teens for the smoking and underage drinking just yet. I had a far more fatal drug to focus my attention on.

I stood up from my chair and excused myself to the washroom. As predicted, Matthias told me to use the washroom in the beach house by the pool, as the mansion was large enough for me to get lost in without having someone who knew where they were going.

The moment I closed the door of the beach house, I let out a deep breath. "All right I'm in," I told Alfred. "Where exactly is the laptop?"

I turned, kicked off my sandals, and nudged them aside. "Never mind," I murmured. "I can see it."

The laptop was charging on the marble countertop in the kitchen. I wasn't surprised to see that the device had a marijuana-print covering.

"Are you sure this is legal?" I asked as I took out the USB stick from my pocket. No response.

" _Better hurry, dude_ ," Alfred instructed. " _You can't be gone for too long_."

"No shit, Sherlock," I scoffed.

"Who are you talking to?" Bella giggled and poked her head into the beach house. The sleeves of her oversized hoodie hid the delicate hands that playfully gripped onto the doorframe.

" _FUCK_!" Alfred cursed. " _She walked right through the cameras blind spots_!"

"AGH!" I panicked and dropped the USB. Before the Belgian could see anything, I swiftly kicked it underneath the fridge. "Nothing, ah, I was just checking the time."

"Don't you have a phone for that?" Bella revealed her infamous cat-like grin.

"Well, um, you can never be too sure," I stammered. "We should probably go back to the others now…"

I moved to walk past Bella, but froze when she grabbed my wrist. "How about we stay here for a while?" she purred. "It's been a while since it's been just you and me. Call me crazy, but I feel like you've been avoiding me all night. Let's chat!"

" _Oh fuck, she's flirting with him_!" Alfred half-panicked, half-cackled. " _Watch, he's going to choke, he always does. Beats me why this chick is still interested in him after all this time_."

I blushed, both furious and flustered. I couldn't stop twitching.

"Avoiding you? What? Me? No!" I exclaimed. Soon afterwards, I began to cough uncontrollably.

" _Yup, his pussyitis just acted up! What did I say? Kiku, you smug little bastard. You're paying for the Chipotle next time."_

Worried, Bella helped me sit on a couch nearby. She even went so far as to get me a glass of water. I choked again when her thighs rubbed against mine.

"Jesus, Ollie. Are you coming down with something?" Bella said. She placed a hand over my forehead. "You feel fine…"

"Huh, oh, it's the steam. It's not good for my asthma."

"Doesn't steam help people with asthma breathe?"

"N-Not when you're allergic to everything? God, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?! HAHAHA!"

"Nope, just you," Bella winked. I think she licked her lips.

" _Topic change! Topic change_!" Alfred ordered. " _You can't lead her on."_

I cleared my throat. "So?" I squeaked. "Are you ready for next week's game?"

Bella groaned. "Ollie, we're trying to have fun here, it's Friday night for crying out loud. I'll worry about that next week. Please, I can't think about how many scouts are going to be there. It just makes me so nervous!"

As if wanting comfort, Bella leaned her shoulders against mine. The smell of her perfume pricked at my nose; it was sweet, reminding me of some sort of pastry or treat you would find at a bakery.

"All right, all right," I chided and playfully bumped shoulders with her. Unfortunately for me, she bounced right back to her original position. "I get it, really I do. We won't talk about University or how hopeless our futures are."

Bella giggled. "You're always so sarcastic and pessimistic."

"Sorry."

"Non! I love that about you," Bella smiled. A dreamy sigh escaped her lips. "That's just it, right? You're a freshman, and then the next thing you know you're graduating. I know we're only two months in, but senior year is going by so fast. Heck, the winter dance is almost here."

" _Uh-oh_ ," Alfred deadpanned. " _She brought up the dance on her own. You know what that means…"_

NO! I don't know what that means! Could someone please explain to me this nuanced garbage that is dating?!

"Oh yeah," I remarked, and oh so brilliantly. "That's coming up in a couple of weeks, yeah? Are you planning on going?"

"Oui," Bella replied. "I just wish someone would ask me."

"Hasn't Matthias?"

" _This guy_ ," Alfred guffawed. " _He's a Sherlock when it comes to solving crimes, but give him a map to a woman's heart, and he'll end up in their stomach_."

" _Well done, Alfred-san,"_ Kiku commended. " _It looks like my tutoring has really helped with your use of language."_

"Thanks, bro! I'm trying. Now shh! It's getting to the good part."

Bella vehemently shook her head. "Matthias and I… we're not really together anymore. It was fun while it lasted, but I'm looking for something more, I don't know, permanent."

"I see."

"Can we switch the topic real quick?"

"Sure," I replied. Bella always carried our conversations.

"You're getting involved with the dealing, right?"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay. That's what I thought," Bella fretted. "Look, Matthias is a great guy and all, but I just don't want you to get hurt or anything. There's some dangerous people he's involved with who wouldn't be afraid to stab you in the back if you crossed them first," she warned, and then poked me in the ribcage for extra dramatic effect.

"No worries. I don't plan on continuing this for much longer, just until we graduate," I lied.

More like until we arrest those jerk friends of yours.

"Good," Bella said seriously. "Because I've seen some things I'd rather not have to remember, but still have anyway. Loyalty is very hard to find these days, I'm afraid. I mean, I try to stay out of it, but I've seen Matthias drop several guys."

"What do you mean by drop?" I inquired.

"Oh, you know," Bella shrugged. "One sub-dealer tries to take more of his share and ends up ripping Matthias off. That always earns you a good group beating."

My heartbeat increased. It was unnerving to me how casually Bella mentioned this.

" _Are you guys recording this?"_ Alfred murmured. " _This is good stuff, Arthur. Keep it up, bro!_ "

 _"Hai!"_

 _"Daze!"_

Noticing that I had grown rather quiet, Bella perked up. "Sorry if I just scared you, aha! I know you would never do something like that, I was just giving you a heads up! I'm only worried."

"Thank you," I said genuinely. "That's very nice of you."

"Of course, any time. Okay, topic over! What were we talking about before again?"

 _"Don't say dance. Don't say dance,"_ Alfred urged.

"Um, I think we were talking about the Winter Formal?"

"Oui! Oui, we were!" Bella chuckled. She faltered suddenly. "I really don't want to go alone…"

I swallowed heavily. I couldn't stand seeing a woman upset, no matter the reason.

 _"Dude, if you want to ask her, it's all right. It fits with your cover."_

 _"Didn't you say he would choke?"_ Eduard asked.

" _Yeah, he probably will. Just giving him his options_."

I opened my mouth to speak. "W-what about Berwald? Maybe he'll ask you?"

Bella gave me an 'are you kidding me?' look, begging for me to take the hint I wasn't keen to acknowledge.

"So…" I whistled.

"So…" Bella repeated.

Alfred had had enough.

 _"Dude, just ask her!"_

I halted. Should I? Memories of me failing to ask Shelly to prom resurfaced, prompting both an internal and external cringe. I was one snide comment away from having a full-on panic attack.

" _Hey, hey, Arthur, listen to me,"_ Alfred urged again. _"You're fine. This girl clearly likes you, so you don't have to worry about being rejected. Besides, it's not like there's anything romantic going on. And believe me, I've seen you when you're drunk. You're some Casanova when you're not constantly feeling anxious. Hell, I actually get jealous from time to time. Use those fancy words to bag yourself a date… You've got this, I'm right here with you, buddy_."

Thanks, Alfred.

"Hey… Bella?"

"Oui?" Bella leaned closer.

"Do you maybe think you would want to, uh, go to Prom?"

"I would love to!" Bella squealed. She excitedly pulled me into a hug.

 **What.**

" _Congrats man, you did it!"_

"Uh, great…" I mumbled.

" _He's going to faint, watch_ ," Alfred said, the wince audible in his voice.

My heart sank when Bella bent down to kiss me, closing her eyes.

The only response I could think of that wasn't inappropriate was to playfully tap the tip of her nose.

"Bomp! Ahahaha! Got your nose!" I teased.

" _Woops. Here's your twenty back, Kiku."_

Bella's eyes fluttered open again. The disappointment was pretty evident on her face, but she smiled anyway.

"You Walkers sure are strange," she sighed. "Speaking of which, we have a bet going on. Matthias thinks you guys aren't biologically related because of how different you are from each other, looks and personality wise. Is that true?"

I grinned, basking in the euphoric feeling of being accepted for once. "Oh God no, the half-brother thing is just a lie to make him feel better. He was actually adopted. Figures that his family abandoned him on the side of the road," I rambled. "I would have done the same thing if I had a child that obnoxious."

Bella laughed, which caused me to laugh because of how cute she sounded.

I was completely unaware of how much I had just angered Alfred.

…

 **Alfred's POV** :

I ripped out my earpiece and threw it on the floor.

"Man, what the fuck?!" I spluttered. "I give him a pep talk and a minute later he bad mouths me!"

Eduard and Yong Soo gave me pitiful looks.

"There, there," Kiku chided. He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder as I sat on the foot of his bed. "At least you have us."

"True. It's nice to know that you guys have my back now that it's already been stabbed," I remarked bitterly.

Kiku brought me into a hug; something he very rarely did.

"Dude, your hair is so soft. Bowl cut for the win," I sniffed.

"You're overcompensating to hide your own sadness, aren't you?"

"Y-yeah!" I blubbered, and then proceeded to break down into ugly sobs.

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

The following Saturday, Alfred and I were in the work area of the church, shuffling through paperwork.

Well, at least Alfred was. I was a bit preoccupied with texting Matthias.

"Dear god!" I chuckled lowly to myself. Matthias had just sent me yet another hilarious meme. Seriously, these things could cure depression.

Alfred turned to glare at me. When that didn't work, he slammed down his papers. "Could you focus?" he snapped. "You can be popular later," he said, and raised air quotes with his fingers.

"Exactly what I was going to say," Lovino growled.

Alfred and I both straightened; I was so caught off guard that I dropped my phone.

"What's this?" Lovino said. He was holding a packet of the FMA drug in his hand.

"The FMA drug, sir, ahem," Alfred answered.

"Well no shit!" Lovino growled, dropping the packet onto my desk. "What I want to know is why this was found at another school! You've failed to stop the outbreak, and you still have no leads. I'm this close to firing you two, I swear to fucking God! If this drug continues to spread, I'll assign someone else to the case," he threatened, thin lips curled into a sneer.

"Actually, Captain, I'm working on a lead. I've tapped into one of the dealer's phones, and apparently this Friday he's meeting with some sketchy person who goes under the codename 'Knife'," Alfred intervened.

"Do you know if they're the supplier?" Lovino asked.

"No…?"

"Then don't fucking waste my time! Get off your fat asses, and close this case, god damn! Everyone else here but you two morons are already on their second assignment!" Lovino snarled. He spun around to angrily shove off everything on the desk behind him.

Antonio was close to tears. His tomato print mug was now beyond repair. "Oh stop your sniffling, I'll buy you a new one," Lovino bashfully rubbed his head, biting his tongue in light of the emotionally-fragile Spaniard.

"Really?"

"Si, really. And Carriedo?"

"Yes, Lovi?"

Lovino reached over to ruffle Antonio's hair. "Good work on that Moonshine bust. I'm… proud of you."

Antonio's eyes sparkled.

…

I followed Alfred out of the church, unnerved as I took note of how angry he was.

"Alfred, what's gotten into you? It's not like we haven't been lectured by the Captain before?" I asked.

"It's not that, Arthur!" Alfred stopped abruptly. I had to catch my step to avoid walking into him.

"Maybe if you'd get your head out of the clouds and stop messing around with Matthias all the time, we'd already have this case wrapped up. I'm busting my ass all day running through hours of audio and text messages, and then you're just…"

"Just what?"

"I don't know," Alfred ran a hand through his hair. "Living it up? You're enjoying this case way too much, Art. You have to remember that you're not a teenager anymore. I should be the last one telling you to do your job."

I paused, and after a moment's silence, the pieces fell into place. Alfred wasn't really angry at me for hanging out with Matthias and his friend group; jealous maybe, but definitely not angry.

What I had said to Bella about him must have really hurt his feelings.

"Alfred…" I started. "You know I didn't mean what I said last night. I was only saying what she wanted to hear."

"Yeah, well, you didn't have to be a total jackass about it, now did you?"

Alfred stormed over to our shared car and shut the driver's door with a sense of finality.

I didn't bother to pick a fight with him. Instead I let our trip back home remain silent.

He had a point.

…

The following Friday

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

Bored, I cupped my face. My elbows hurt from leaning on the desk the whole class. Ms. Mei was doing a class reading of Hamlet, and surprise-surprise, I wasn't listening.

Instead, I was on the look-out. If Matthias's texts served correct, then there would be some sort of drug deal going on today. I tried telling Artie about it, but lately he's been really full of himself. He didn't believe me when I had told him that Matthias was going behind his back. Believe me, the two weren't as close as my stubborn partner would like to think.

Matthias was a snake, and I was determined to prove this.

Lost in my thoughts, I kept running the codenames 'Scar' and 'Knife' through my head. The texts alluded that these were separate people from the Scandinavian group of friends. If so, I was really onto something.

Maybe I could finally get out of this hellhole.

"Psssst!" Kiku whispered. He was frantically pointing outside the classroom's window.

I turned to spot what Kiku was looking at. Matthias and Lukas were hurrying across the school's baseball pitch, hoods drawn up and shoulders slouched. Lukas stuffing a wad of cash into Matthias's backpack was what clued me in to what was going on.

The drug deal was about to go down.

From what I could tell, it seemed like they were heading for the parking lot. They weren't doing this on foot, so I had to move fast.

I shot up from my seat and gave Ms. Mei some bullshit excuse. I needed to reach Arthur in time so that we could follow those two jerks and get all the evidence we needed to charge them.

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

This was it. The big day Bella had been waiting for all season. Scouts from Universities all across the country were coming to watch today's soccer match.

Bella was a nervous wreck. She needed a scholarship desperately. It wasn't that she couldn't afford expensive fees. In fact, from what I heard, her older brother was filthy rich. It was Bella's grades that were the problem.

She wasn't stupid or anything, but she wasn't exceptionally sharp either. She got average grades and wouldn't stick out all that much in her applications if she didn't have something like an extracurricular to rely on. That's why getting offered a spot on a sports team was a very much-needed asset for her.

I didn't even take two steps out of the boy's dressing room before I was forced into a hug by the nervous Belgian. "Ollie, I can't do this!" she whined, and buried her head into my chest. "I'm going to fail, I just know it! I always play worse when I'm nervous!"

"Come now," I chided. I awkwardly rubbed circles into her back. The red ribbon that she had tied up in her hair tickled my nose. "That's certainly not the right attitude to have in a time like this. You're the second leading goal-scorer in the league, next to me of course," I teased.

Bella grudgingly shoved me in the chest, muffling out an incoherent protest. She wasn't amused by my joke.

"My, my, what am I going to do with you?" I sighed. "Bella, look at me, love."

Bella followed my instructions, green eyes wide with doubt.

"You'll be fine. Those scouts are coming here knowing that you've already kicked a lot arse. They'd be crazy not to offer you a placement on their team. Besides, I'm here. We're a dynamic duo! You know I'll play my heart out and pass the ball to you like I always do. That's my job as a mid-fielder. You're a leading striker, Bella. It's about time that you believe in yourself and start acting like it."

Bella pulled away from the hug. She rubbed at her eyes. "You're right," she sniffed. "Thank you, I really needed that. You always know the right things to say, Ollie, even if you do come off a bit narcissistic."

"I'm only trying to motivate you," I teased. "I'd be more than happy for you to prove me wrong and to become the top goal-scorer."

"Watch it, Walker. I just might do that," Bella grinned.

"Feel better now?" I asked.

"Oui, a lot better."

My heart swelled with pride. A few weeks ago, this girl was a complete stranger to me. Now I was rooting for her to succeed. She had her whole future laid out in front of her, and I was watching it all unfold. If only I had received this much encouragement when I was younger. Who knows where I would have ended up.

Either way, it didn't matter. Bella deserved everything the world had to offer.

"Good, because I know you're meant for bigger things, my dear. This shitty high school has nothing on you. Ten years from now you'll be looking back on this dump and laugh at how far you've come."

"Don't you mean we?" Bella countered. "I mean, you did say we're a team, and we are going to the Winter Formal together…"

Topic change! Topic change!

"Oh! Tsk! Tsk!" I tutted, bringing out the motherly side in me I never knew existed until now. "Your ribbon's loose. Here, allow me to fix it."

Bella rolled her eyes. She was annoyed that I wasn't a very touchy or openly affectionate person – there was an obvious reason for that.

"Oliver?" Bella murmured. She sighed softly as I re-tied the ribbon in her short ponytail.

"Yes, love?"

"Can you promise me one thing?"

"That depends. But please, do go on."

Bella chuckled. "This scholarship, it's really important to me. Just promise me that you'll play your very best, okay?"

"Of course, didn't I already promise you that?"

Before Bella could respond, Alfred came skidding into the hallway we were standing in. "Oliver! Can I borrow you for a minute?"

"Allen, I'm a little busy right now," I responded dryly.

"Oliver," Alfred repeated, teeth gritted. "It's really important. There's a **knife** in the home Ec. classroom."

I froze in recognition. Alfred had a lead.

Bella cocked her head to the side, glancing at Alfred, myself, and then back at Alfred in confusion. "Are you guys speaking code?" she asked.

"Ah, um, Bella, I'm sorry, dear, but I have to help Allen with something…it's really important!" I stammered and took a step forward.

Alfred was very jittery in his movements, bouncing from foot to foot. We didn't have a lot of time.

"What?!" Bella spluttered. "Ollie, you can't leave," she pleaded as she grabbed my wrist. "The game starts in thirty minutes. What if you miss it?"

"It's okay! I'll be back in time. Tell Coach Lud that I'll only be missing warm-up. Now, I'm sorry, but I really ought to go."

"OLLIE!" Bella called after me as I broke into a sprint, following Alfred out of the physical education wing. My cleats clacked against the tiled flooring. It took an immense amount of effort not to slip and fall.

"I'm sorry!" I called over my shoulder. "I'll be back! I promise!"

Bella grabbed at her hair. "I can't believe him!" she seethed to herself.

…

Once Alfred informed me of what was happening, he refused to stop rubbing in my ignorance.

"What did I say, huh? And you were skeptical about the wiretap!" he fumed, thrusting open the school's doors with a large slam.

"You can be petty later!" I growled. I pointed towards the Mercedes Benz leaving the parking lot. Matthias and Lukas were driving off to an unknown location. All we knew was that they had a ton of money with them – the monthly revenue they had gained from dealing.

"Fine!" Alfred snapped.

We hurried into the car. I hadn't even closed the passenger door when Alfred began to back out of the parking spot.

"Relax, will you?!"

"Oh, you're the one to talk!" Alfred scoffed. Carefully, he followed Matthias and Lukas from a safe distance.

The drive wasn't long, perhaps ten minutes at most. Our pursuit halted when the Mercedes Benz entered Twinkle High's parking lot.

"They're getting out," Alfred remarked. He parked the car at the side of the road.

"Let's follow them then," I replied, and stepped out of the car.

Alfred complied. We quietly followed Matthias and Lukas, guns hidden in the jackets we were wearing. We could never be too safe since we had no idea what it was we were walking into.

Matthias and Lukas stopped at the side of a series of vacant basketball courts. There were several dumpsters lined up near a brick wall that made the area smell fishy.

"No fucking way," Alfred gaped. "It's those punks from the mall."

I pressed myself next to Alfred. We were using the dumpsters to hide ourselves from view. Carefully, I poked my head around to see this sight for myself.

Alfred was right.

The two blonds we had failed to arrest at the mall a couple of months ago were conversing with Matthias and Lukas. There was the short and choppy-haired one wearing camouflage pants, as well as the taller one with a distinct blue and white scarf, gelled-up hair, and a scar on his forehead.

The choppy blond looked like he was in high school, but the man in the scarf looked like he was in his later years of college.

"Damn, you're right," I grunted. "We need to get closer."

Carefully, Alfred and I scuttled further behind the dumpsters so that we were within hearing distance of this transaction.

"Knife, Scar!" Matthias merrily greeted. "Boy, do I have some cash for you. Business is booming!"

"We'll see about that," the choppy blond snapped.

"Idiot," Lukas scoffed. "They don't care about that," he said, pulling out the wad of cash from Matthias's backpack. "This is all we have for now. One of our sub-dealers, a new guy, is likely to bring in more revenue by the end of the week."

My stomach sank. I could only pray that my involvement in this ring wouldn't bring about any hostility, otherwise I could very well be in danger.

The choppy blond accepted the wad of cash and pawed through it with a thin, gloved hand. He didn't seem to be very keen on conversing.

"So, do you have a new batch for us to cook?" Matthias chirped, oblivious to the tense atmosphere around him.

That confirmed it! Whoever Matthias and Lukas were meeting with were the suppliers. They gave out the drug raw – it needed to be cooked before being distributed. Lukas, Tino, and Berwald cooked the drugs in the boiler room, Matthias dealed them, and Emil spread word about it.

"I'm not giving you scrap until the money is properly counted," the taller man leered.

"Aw, come on, Lars!" Matthias whined. "Why does everything have to be so formal with you? We're friends, aren't we?"

"You got the name?" Alfred asked me. I nodded. I had already started jotting this information down.

"We're business partners," Lars corrected. "And how many times do I have to remind you not to call me by name when we do deals like this? You never know who can be listening."

Lars, although unintentionally, glanced at the dumpsters Alfred and I were hiding behind.

"You just so happen to be friends with my sister, although I don't know why," Lars continued. "Speaking of which, you better be looking out for her. Neither Knife nor I gave you permission to let in a new guy. If he fucks up, it won't just be on his hands. This operation isn't dependent on you. You're disposable. You'd do best to remember that."

Matthias opened his mouth to speak, but Lars cut him off again.

"My safety is my sister's security. I won't have some cocky, careless prick ruin everything just because he's desperate for the praise his parents never gave him."

Matthias chuckled nervously. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But trust me. This guy is really good. And you know better than I do just how safe she is. No one's touched her, and no one ever will on my watch. That girl is more than capable of taking care of herself anyway."

Lars clicked his tongue, bored. "Of course, she is. I taught her everything I know on how to protect herself."

"Mhmmh! Yeah!" Matthias eagerly nodded his head.

Lukas suppressed a groan. "You're sucking up to him again," he strictly whispered to the Dane.

"The money's all there. We're good to go. Took you assholes long enough," the choppy blond scowled. "Unlike you losers, I actually attend my classes."

Lukas looked like he wanted to say something, but Matthias shook his head back and forth in warning.

"Go to your class, Knife. I'll deposit the money," Lars instructed. "If you keep being late, you won't set a good example for your sister."

"Don't tell me what to do. Just so we're clear, I'm leaving because I want to!"

"Bye Va –! Matthias faltered when Lars shot him a death glare. "Uh, Knife," he corrected.

Lars accepted the money from Knife, folding it into his trench coat. "You're getting on my nerves, Kohler. If you weren't so good at what you do, you would have been long dead already."

"…"

"That means leave, boy. And take that creepy mute sociopath with you. I'm sick of both of your faces. Oh, and here," Lars said. He handed the weak-kneed teens a draw-stringed bag that held the half-finished drugs. "Be useful and go make me some more money."

Matthias and Lukas offered no protests, wide-eyed as they scrambled back to their car.

Lars sighed. "Vash, I thought I told you to go to class?"

"I want to be there when you deposit the money."

"Are you saying you don't trust me?"

"And what if I don't?"

Lars chuckled. "You're learning, it's good to be suspicious of everything. All right then, but this is the last time I'm letting you do this. I'm serious. I want you to at least finish high school."

"Obviously I'm going to," Vash scoffed. His voice trailed off as he and his literal partner in crime walked over to the parking lot.

"Vash, his name is Vash," I muttered to myself, refreshing the new facts we had just gained. "He goes to Twinkle High."

"And the other guy is Lars," Alfred added.

"We'll have to do a background check on them once we get to headquarters, but for now we should probably trail them and see if we can get a license plate," Alfred said. He looked past the dumpster to confirm that the coast was clear.

"I like your thinking," I commended.

We waited until we saw Vash and Lars climb into a black mini-van before we hurried over to our own vehicle.

As always, Alfred was driving.

"They said something about a deposit," I said. I raised my phone to take a snapshot of the truck's license plate.

"Yeah, they're probably heading to the bank."

"No shit."

"Hey man, you were the first one to state the obvious."

"Oh whatever," I sighed. "We can't follow them for long, though. I have the game to attend, remember?"

Alfred pulled the car to an abrupt stop at a red light. His expression was incredulous. "Are you kidding me right now? We nearly have this case in the bag, and you're worried about attending a sports match?"

"I made a promise to Bella," I shrugged, meek-toned.

"You're unbelievable."

"I'm sure we have enough evidence," I protested. "Oh! Matthias just texted me. He said that Lars wants to meet with me. Oh…oh no…"

"Dude, this isn't good," Alfred tsked. "That's why we need to wrap up this case, now."

"We can wrap it up this weekend," I scoffed. "I mean really, do you even know what patience is?"

"Artie, I love you and all, but I'm this close to slamming your head against that dashboard," Alfred warned, pointing downwards.

His threat didn't register. "Just drive, you buffoon. I'm trying to load a meme."

Alfred glared daggers at me, but didn't say anything as the light had turned green.

We drove for another five minutes. I texted Bella, and told her that I might be even later than expected. I also texted Matthias and pretended that I was ecstatic to meet with Lars sometime when I was actually scared shitless at the mere thought of it. What if he recognized me from before?

Oh God, was this what being an angsty teen felt like? I had so many things to worry about! First, I was going to be late, and second, my data was slow. I just wanted to send a meme, god damn it!

Alfred had had enough. "For the love of God, could you stop texting?! We're in the middle of a mission. You know what? Give me that phone, **now**!"

"No," I huffed. I shrugged away from Alfred.

Since we were in a less busy street, Alfred was able to take his eyes off the road more leniently. "I said give it!" he said firmly.

"No!" I whined…I was becoming more and more like a teenager. What's next? A grunge phase?

"Give it!"

"Bugger off!"

Alfred slapped at my arm. In retaliation, I jabbed a finger at his throat.

"AGH!"

"UNNGH!

 **CRASH!**

Alfred and I both jolted. We had just crashed into the bumper of the supplier's mini-van.

"Look what you did!" I accused.

"What I did? If you weren't fucking around on your phone, none of this would have happened!"

"That's it!" I threw my hands into the air. "We're going to die," I paused to check my phone. "And my meme still hasn't uploaded! I won't even get to see Matthias reply with another 'LOL'."

"I am seriously considering checking you into a mental ward," Alfred deadpanned, only to jump and bang his head violently on the car's ceiling when Vash pounded a fist against the driver's window. I hadn't even seen him leave his car.

"Hey, jackass! Roll down your window!"

"A-Artie, what do I do?"

"…"

"Artie!" Alfred squeaked. "He looks really angry!"

Vash aimed a swift kick to the side door, denting it. The entire vehicle shook from this action. "I won't repeat myself again, roll down your window. Don't make me do this the hard way. We won't call the cops as long as you pay for the damages and the time you just wasted."

Alfred and I looked at each other, like deers caught in the headlight.

"What's the problem now?!" Lars climbed out of the passenger's door. He was also holding a gun. There was not a civilian in sight to witness this. We were in a very sketchy part of town.

"So, it's the hard way, huh?" Vash growled. He reached into his coat to pull out a gun as well. "Fine then."

"FUCK IT!" Alfred spluttered into action, and stepped hard on the accelerator. He nearly ran over Lars, but the Dutch man was quick enough to leap to the side. "WE'LL OUT RUN THEM."

"WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" I screamed.

"Not if I can help it!" Alfred grunted. His cerulean eyes gleamed with determination.

Said determination didn't last very long as we both had to duck when Vash shot at our back windshield. Broken glass scattered in all directions.

"Drive faster!" I said, and had to duck to avoid being shot at again. I glanced at the rear-view mirror and saw that the mini-van was fast approaching on our heels.

Alfred drove onto an entrance ramp leading onto to the freeway. "Buckle up, because we're in for a bumpy ride!"

"Did you just quote Harry Potter?!"

"STOP TALKING AND START SHOOTIN'!"

With shaking hands, I pulled out my gun.

I just prayed that I didn't have to use it.

…

 **POV switch:**

Coach Lud frantically paced up and down the sidelines, his previously slicked-back hair now falling into his face from many times of running his hands through it.

"Where is my co-captain?!" he bellowed.

None of the other teammates dared to approach Coach Lud when he got like this.

When it became clear that Oliver wasn't going to be there at kick-off (at the very least), Coach Lud reluctantly asked Henrique to step in as co-captain.

Bella stubbornly refused to accept this. She still insisted that Oliver would come eventually. He had promised her that he would be there, after all, late or not.

"He's going to come. I just know it," she muttered, still trying to convince herself that this was true.

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

"CHRIST, THEY'RE COMING!" I screamed, ducking once more as another round of shots were fired. Alfred weaved in and out of cars, careful not to put any civilians in the direct line of fire.

"SERIOUSLY THOUGH!" Alfred grunted as he jerked the steering wheel. "They're teens, not gangsters! Why the hell are they shooting at us for a busted bumper?"

"I'm more concerned about why you have fifteen luke-warm Big Macs in the place where I used to keep our insurance papers," I muttered.

"I get hungry, okay?! I was saving those for later!"

BANG! BANG!

Alfred reached out his window, and aimed a few shots himself. Judging by how they were still hot on our trail, he had obviously missed them.

"Arthur! Now's not the time to choke. SHOOT!"

"I…I can't!" I panicked. I had never shot at a living thing before. Alfred had it a lot easier because he regularly used to go hunting with his 'Pops'.

"Here goes nothing!" I rolled down my window and releasing a Big mac to the winds.

Success! The wrapper, combined with the grease, stalled our pursuers. They were forced to slow down to avoid a car accident.

BANG! BANG!

"What part of shoot did you not understand?!" Alfred hissed. He attempted to re-load his gun, but fumbled miserably.

"Shhh, one second. I have to tell Bella where I am."

"Soon that answer will be a morgue if you don't get your shit together!" Alfred screamed. He then moved to slap my phone out the car window.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" I spluttered. Honestly, I needed a new phone anyway. "Fine, I'll help."

I grabbed another three Bic Macs and let them loose. I was in a deadly calm state for someone who would likely end up with a bullet in their head.

"Arthur, why is your face so green?"

"The grease," I wheezed. "The smell… it's awful. It's all over my jersey too. Ungh…"

Without thinking, I placed my head outside the window and gagged.

 **BANG! BANG!**

"Bloody hell, can't you just let me throw up in peace?!"

The answer to that question was a definite no.

The mini-van pulled up at Alfred's side. We were neck and neck.

Lars aimed his gun at Alfred while Vash drove. "You messed with the wrong people. Karma's a bitch, and so is this bullet."

"Artie!" Alfred barked. "I'm really going to need you to shoot!"

A jolt of energy surged through me – no one would ever jeopardize my partner and get away with it. I cocked up my gun, and aimed for Lars's head. Alfred leaned back in his seat to give me enough room to hit my target.

Unfortunately, I panicked for too long. This prompted Alfred to grab my gun with my hand still on it. He swiftly shot at the mini-van.

By the grace of God, Alfred successfully shot at their tires. The mini-van screeched and spun in a circle before crashing nose-first into the cement divider running along the middle of the highway.

"Drive, just d-drive!" I stammered. I leaned back into my seat, exhausted. "Get as far away from here as possible. Scratch that! I need to get back to school. The game has already started by now."

CRACK!

Alfred slapped my face, firmly, but not with the attention for it to sting. "What the fuck is wrong with you lately?!" he bellowed, voice still drumming with adrenaline. "We just almost got killed, and that's what you're worried about?!"

I fidgeted in my seat. "I promised Bella I would make it there on time," I murmured, head bowed like a child who had just been scolded.

"Do me a favor, and don't talk anymore," Alfred snapped. "I'll drive you back, but I've just about had it up to here with you and your whacked-out priorities."

This was one of those rare times where Alfred had fully lost his temper, so I listened to him without any argument. He honestly scared me when he became like this.

…

"Took you long enough," I huffed. I clumsily hurried out of the car. "I need to be somewhere and of course today's the one time you decide to follow traffic laws."

I began to sprint-hobble – remember I was wearing cleats, and they weren't meant to be walked on pavement with – towards the football pitch.

I stopped when Alfred grabbed my wrist. "Arthur, listen to yourself How many times do I have to tell you this? You're in too deep! You're not a teenager. This is just a job! But what do you know about that? I've been the one doing all the work here!"

Perhaps it was the near-death moment we had just had, or the pressure of the game, or a combination of the two, but I snapped and said something I knew would deeply hurt Alfred.

"You're just being a sore loser because you're the nerd this time. How does it feel, Alfie? The entire school thinks you're a blubbering idiot. That's how things should have gone in the first place. It looks like karma has finally come back to bite you in the ass."

"Man, fuck you!" Alfred shouted. "You don't know anything!"

"At least I didn't peak in high school," I hissed over my shoulder conclusively, leaving a more than fuming Alfred behind.

…

"Walker! Gott im Himmel! Where have you been? The first half is nearly over!" Coach Lud snapped. The purple vein in his temple twitched.

"It doesn't matter now, just put me on!" I begged.

Coach Lud nodded. He waited for the ball to go out before he cupped both hands over his mouth and hollered: "REF, SUB!"

The ref blew his whistle to indicate a pause in the game. "Henrique!" I called, informing the Portuguese that I was replacing him.

When I jogged onto the field, the stands erupted in cheers. "Go Oliver, go!"

Everyone was happy to see me _but_ Bella.

"Bella," I mouthed as the ref blew the starting whistle again. "Please, I'm so sorry."

"Don't talk to me," Bella mouthed back venomously.

Uh-oh.

Bella ignored me as one of our teammates had passed her the ball. I ran down the sidelines, waving my arm.

"Bella, I'm open!"

Furious, Bella attempted to dribble through several players on her own. The fourth player managed to steal the ball from her. They booted it down field for their own striker to chase after.

Coach Lud nearly tore out his hair. The rival striker had a one-on-one break away with our goalie. "GET BACK! EVERYONE! GET BACK!"

It was already too late.

The other team had scored a goal. It was now 1-0.

As our team sullenly walked towards the center of the field to start with the ball again, I jogged over to Bella's side. "Hey!" I chided. "It's fine! We still have a half and a bit to score another two goals. I'm so sorry, Bella! Really, I am! I'll make this up to you, promise!"

"Don't!" Bella snarled. "Just don't. I don't want to talk to you."

"OOPMPH!"

I opened my mouth in retort but was quickly cut off when Alfred ran onto the field. He tackled me out of nowhere. He truly was a sore loser and couldn't let my insult go without retaliating first.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I screeched, struggling to block the punches Alfred threw at me. I was helplessly pinned to the ground.

"Doing something I haven't done in years!"

Alfred grunted when I kneed him in the stomach. I rolled over on top of him and started ripping at his hair.

"So that's it, huh? You're picking up right where we left off seven years ago?"

Alfred didn't respond at first. He punched me in the chin instead. "I'm knocking some god damn common sense into you!"

I didn't budge, refusing to yield. "Ha, as if. Don't you dare try to pull that bullshit on me. You can never just lose for once, can you? You always have to ruin things when they don't go your way. I… I hate you!"

Alfred faltered. "Come on, man. You don't really mean that… do you?"

"I–"

I didn't get a chance to respond. I had the wind knocked out of me when Coach Lud pulled me off Alfred. "Have you lost your mind, Walker? You just forfeited us the game!"

Meanwhile, Alfred was being pulled back by Principal Fritz.

"That's it! You two are both expelled. You've caused enough chaos in this school!" The red-eyed Principal leered.

As Alfred and I were pulled off the field, the ref ended the game.

The boos of the crowd triggered a lot of bad memories.

…

Miserable at having just lost my job, I kept my head bowed as I was escorted and eventually seated in the office's front lounge. Alfred was holding an icepack to his face, placed several seats away from me.

We refused to look at each other.

"Ms. Maes, you're not allowed in here!" The school's secretary called out from behind her desk.

Bella stormed into the office anyway. She stopped to stand before my slumped figure. I looked up to meet her furious gaze. Spots clouded my vision as she slapped me. Tears streaked down her face.

"How could you?!" Bella shrieked. "This was my one chance to get into a University and you r-ruined it for me! I don't want to speak to you ever again!"

My heart sank as Bella didn't even give me a chance to explain myself. She left the office without another word.

I slumped in my chair again and cupped my sore cheek.

Perhaps I was never meant for high school, after all.

 **To be continued…**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey guys! Hope everyone's holiday is going well! This story is just about wrapped up, and we're at our climax. Enjoy, thank you so much for your support, and have an amazing day/ night :)**

 **Best regards,**

 **-Ella**

* * *

 **Arthur's POV:**

Seated in Lovino's office, this was the one time I was sure he was going to murder us. I couldn't stop fidgeting with my hands, whereas Alfred couldn't have been anymore still. We just kept reversing roles, didn't we?

Lovino stared at us shrewdly, but he didn't say anything for the longest time. Instead, he just kept sipping from his coffee, long fingers impatiently drumming against the side of his mug. I had never felt so violated by someone's eyes alone. And here I thought getting strip-searched was degrading.

Given his family's past involvement in the mafia, silence from him was mortifying. I knew we were in trouble; but, of course, that didn't stop me from running my mouth.

"Sir?" I began. "Usually this is the point where you start screaming at us. Don't you have anything to say?"

Lovino set down his mug, calmly, too calmly. "Nope," he said in an even voice. "I've done enough screaming with you two. You've fucked up one too many times, now get out. You're both fired."

Neither I nor Alfred voiced our protests. We had already accepted this outcome long before we had been called in by the Captain. We stood up, grabbed the cardboard boxes that held our office belongings, and left Lovino's office, heads bowed.

As we descended the staircase and entered the chapel area, several sad eyes waved us goodbye. Liza and Feliciano whispered sad condolences, but the others stayed far away from us, for they feared losing their jobs as well. Lovino's temper had been exceptionally short as of late; I didn't have the heart to tell Alfred that my act of vandalism likely had a part in provoking the Italian's impatience.

Alfred and I walked out of the church side by side, although not as close as we used to back when we were actually friends. We had spent the last two days avoiding each other at the house, only speaking when we absolutely had to.

A miserable lump formed in my throat when I realized that Alfred intended to bus home instead of catching a ride in my car. I had returned the car we had borrowed for the mission yesterday.

I opened my mouth to speak. Suddenly, I could hardly breathe. I had never gotten into a fight with Alfred, a true fight, that is. Sure, we argued and couldn't stand each other most of the time, but this was something much worse than I've ever had to deal with.

I got in the car and swore to myself. Not two minutes later, I drove up to the bus stop and rolled down my window. "Alfred? Are you sure you don't want a lift?"

Kill me. Kill me now.

Alfred, who was sitting grouchily and was hugging the cardboard box tightly to his chest, shook his head dismissively. "No," he replied, coldly. "I'm fine, thank you. See you at home."

I drove off without another word.

…

After the fifth attempt of trying to call Bella, I gave up entirely. It was Sunday night, and it wasn't like I was going to see her at school tomorrow, or ever again for that matter. Still, I felt awful leaving her on such bad terms. Though, it didn't look like I was going to have a chance to make amends if she kept ignoring me, rightful as she may be for doing so.

I sighed and looked outside my bedroom window. Alfred was moving boxes of his belongings into the back of his pick-up truck. There was no point staying here having just lost our jobs. I would also have to prepare for moving back into my own apartment sometime this week.

What perturbed me most was that it was getting late. There was no rush for Alfred to leave, but he's always been a rather stubborn person.

Conflicted, I watched Alfred from afar. I hated seeing him look so upset, it didn't suit him at all.

 **WHOMP!**

I fell forward and nearly smacked my nose against the glass panelling when Alistair whacked the back of my head with a dishtowel.

"Go out there and bloody well apologize to him!" he barked. "Or, at the very least, say goodbye. I didn't raise ye to have no manners."

"Yes, yes, fine," I grumbled.

I stood up and left my room, swallowing heavily at the sight of Alfred's empty bunk. Alistair stood outside my bedroom door with his arms crossed and gave a dissatisfied huff as I slowly trudged downstairs. I passed by the living room, and nearly tripped over the foot Isaac purposefully stuck out.

"Oops, sorry," Isaac grunted. He wasn't in the least bit sorry.

William patted my shoulder as I slipped on my loafers in the front room. "Things will work out," he told me. "I know how much these things upset you. Just say how you truly feel, Art. Your stubbornness and pride never got you anywhere before."

"I didn't ask for a lecture," I sighed. "I know what I'm supposed to do."

William heaved a grand sigh and then left me to my own devices.

I stepped outside and awkwardly clambered down the front steps, hesitantly approaching Alfred as if he were a lion ready to pounce on me at the slightest agitation. The evening air was cool and I shivered as it crept through the fabric of my sweater. The street lights had just flickered on, but Alfred was determined to get out of here as fast as he possibly could.

I stopped at the curb of the sidewalk and crossed my arms. "Oi," I greeted. "So, you're moving back to your apartment?"

"Yep," Alfred replied in a clipped tone. He only had three more boxes to go. I had to step out of his way as he reached to pick up the box nearest to me.

"Need any help?" I began again.

"Nope."

"Oh…" I trailed off. "Look, Alfred, I'm sorry. I don't know what else you want me to say. I was a nerd for four years. You experienced it for seven weeks. The world can be brutal sometimes, and I guess I got caught up in finally not being the odd one out for once."

"But that's just it, Artie," Alfred said, and closed the back hatch of his truck.

"When we were partners, I never thought of you as the odd one out. I realize that I was horrible in high school. Heck, I was a freaking monster, and I couldn't regret it anymore than I already do now. But this mission, it solidified us as brothers, man. These past seven years, I've tried to make up for my mistakes. I've even grown to look up to you. Now, I'm not so sure what to feel."

I stared at Alfred, stunned. It was one of those rare moments where he spoke from his heart, and what came out was so raw and filled with emotion that I was left speechless. He had never been this eloquent before; what changed?

"We are brothers," I said, firmly. There was no arguing with this. "I fucked up, okay? But don't let what happened here ruin us now. Wherever you go, I want to come too. We'll figure something out. Maybe we can open up a private detective business or something…anything really. Alfred, words cannot fathom how very sorry I am. Please, don't let things end between us here."

"I won't if you won't," Alfred sniffed. "I'm glad we're on the same page, buddy. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gotten so jealous either. And yeah, that sounds great. As long as we're working together, I'm happy."

I reached out to shake hands with him. That quickly turned into a hug and my lungs were aching terribly afterwards. Alfred agreed to stay the night, much to my relief.

Just as we were about to head back inside, Matthias and Lukas drove up along the curb. The Dane rolled down his window, and for once, he wasn't smiling, nor were there crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He looked furious and had his lips pulled into a taut, menacing grimace.

Alfred tensed, while I tried to remain calm and in-character.

I casually placed my hands in my jeans. "Matthias, what are you–"

"Get in the car, Oliver. Hell, bring your dumbass brother too. Now," Matthias snarled.

"What? I don't understand?" I asked. "Is there something the matter? You seem really uptight."

"Enough questions, now get in," Matthias repeated.

"What if I don't want to?" Alfred snorted. If he didn't want to do something, he could be pretty sarcastic.

"I'm not asking. GET IN THE FUCKING CAR!"

I looked over at Lukas. He opened the front compartment menacingly and made direct eye contact with me. I didn't want to find out what he had stored in there. Instinct took over. Alfred, on the other hand, had a completely different idea.

"Can't make me," Alfred said.

"Allen," I said in a low voice. "We're going."

"What, why?!" Alfred spluttered. I forcefully grabbed his wrist and towed him to the back of the Mercedes. A swift click echoed as Matthias opened the doors for us.

"Just do it," I replied. "I don't like the looks on their faces. Something's wrong."

Without another word, we sat in the back and strapped ourselves in. Matthias sped away like a maniac. He drove us half an hour away from the house. The car was eerily silent, and the fact that we were in an abandoned factory strip didn't look like things were in our favor. I had a very bad feeling about this.

Matthias parked the car, stepped out, and waved us forward. The sun had long set now, and we could just barely see two feet ahead of us. He led us into an abandoned alleyway with decent lighting, and then turned to face us. Lukas fell at the Dane's side.

"So, Oliver, I have to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me, yeah?" Matthias began.

"Yes, always," I nodded my head. "You know you can trust me."

"Well, you see. Lukas and I did a deal the other day, and you want to know what happened? FUCKING COPS followed our suppliers afterwards. COPS! Not only that, but they were shot at. Now, does that sound suspicious to you?"

Alfred instinctively reached for his pants, but deadpanned when he realized that he didn't have his gun on him. Why would he? We hadn't been expecting to be kidnapped by these two hooligans.

"Oh… oh my. You really weren't kidding when you said that narcs were infiltrating high schools. I'm so sorry to hear about that, truly," I said. It was hard to keep my breathing steady.

Matthias's composure broke. His bit his lip, took two paces forwards, then backwards, and eventually resorted to running his hands through his hair. It was much flatter than usual.

"Look man! I can't go to jail!" he said, voice cracked. "I only did this for fun, for the thrill, but now I'm in too deep. This is just such a clusterfuck, and I'm getting desperate… I have to finish this off before it's too late."

Matthias reached into his jacket and pulled out two guns.

"WOAH THERE!" Alfred cried out, hands protectively raised in front of his chest.

"Matthias!" I spluttered. "Just think about what you're doing for a minute here. We didn't say anything about the drugs. Please, you have to believe me! Lukas, you're his body of reason. Tell him that we're not lying!"

Lukas promptly looked away. He was more interested in picking dirt out of his fingernails.

Matthias swung around the gun in his dominant hand. "Ya know, you Walkers sure are strange. The fact that one of you looks like a fifteen-year-old virgin, and the other a thirty-year-old man child would make anyone suspicious… too suspicious."

"Honestly, mate! This is getting out of hand!" I just about sobbed.

"You guys made me think a lot. I did some questioning and reflecting…" Matthias narrowed his eyes at me. He then prodded the butt of his gun against my chest. I'm not ashamed to admit that I whimpered, squeaked, and pissed my pants all at once.

Alfred looked positively murderous. I could tell that he was waiting for the perfect opportunity to rip the guns out of Matthias's hands. He was prepared to break the Dane's wrist if he had to. Most worrisome of all was that I knew Alfred would push me out of the way and get shot himself if it meant saving his partner.

He always wanted to be the hero.

"But, be-friending you guys made me realize something," Matthias continued. "You guys are just too dumb to be narcs."

Matthias pulled the gun away from my chest. "Here's the scoop. A big deal is about to go down on the night of the Winter Formal. Other hot-shot suppliers are meeting in the hotel. I need people I can trust, because who knows what those guys are capable of. Say one thing wrong, and you'll end up dead. Can I rely on you guys to have my back? Oliver, Allen, will you help us?"

"YES! YES! ANYTHING!" Alfred and I both shouted.

Matthias breathed out in relief. He smiled weakly. "Good. Let's do some targeting practice then."

On cue, Lukas went back into the car and pulled out a box full of empty beer bottles. He lined them up on a curb for us to shoot at.

"Show us what you guys are made of. We're going to need all the protection we can get. The higher-ups are already suspicious of me because of the cop incident," Matthias informed us.

Alfred and I shot at the beer bottles without question. Not a single bottle went un-hit. I had no problem shooting at inanimate objects; it was people or animals that posed the hardest trouble for me.

Our feat was so impressive that even Lukas gave a small gasp of approval.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK?! THAT WAS AWESOME!" Matthias applauded, eyes wide. "Where did you guys learn to shoot like that?"

"Our, uh, Pops used to take us hunting all the time when we were younger," I replied. Alfred stiffly nodded in agreement.

"Shit man, that's fucking amazing. I feel a lot safer going into that deal now. Well, men. We have two weeks to prepare for this. Let's get shit done!"

High-fives were exchanged. I was still weak-kneed and a bit traumatized by this turn of events. Just two minutes ago I had thought that I was about to die. Thankfully, that wasn't the case anymore.

However, where Matthias looked relieved and happy to have us on his side, Lukas looked perturbed, worried even. He had the face of someone who knew that something was going to go wrong.

Not only that, but tonight was the first time I had seen the two teens look doubtful. If I didn't know any better, I would have assumed that they wanted to get out of this drug dealing business.

…

Just barely a day after we were fired, Alfred and I headed for the church. Everyone stared at us as if we had grown two-heads. Still, that didn't stop us from barging into Lovino's office.

The Captain gave a sharp yelp of surprise. Alfred opened the door so harshly that it had slammed into the wall.

Gasping, I placed a hand on his desk. "Sir! I know you said we're fired and all, but we just got crucial intel that could finally help us wrap up this investigation!"

Lovino glanced between Alfred and I, and when he saw that we weren't lying, he let us explain to him what he had found out. When we were done, he was rather indifferent, which was the exact opposite of what we had been expecting from him. We had hoped to get our jobs back. Not whatever this was.

"What part of being fired did you two not understand? Your investigation is done. If I catch you anywhere near those teens again, you'll be charged with obstruction of justice. Don't interfere or you best fucking believe that I'm going to make you regret it."

"UH! A thank you would have been nice!" Alfred glared. More and more, he was starting to see Lovino less as a role model. Really though. The Captain wasn't as glorious as the rest of the police force made him out to be, famous mafia-buster or not.

"I'll gladly pass your information to the investigators who are actually assigned to the case, but don't expect a thank you. Now, you have two minutes to get out of this church before I forcefully escort your sorry asses out. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," I glared.

I grabbed Alfred's wrist and towed him out of the office. The stubborn looks we exchanged communicated all that we needed to know. We would have to continue our own investigation behind the force's back. If we wanted to put an end to this drug operation, we would have to break protocol. Given how many rules we'd already broken, this hardly fazed us.

Heads high and backs straight, we walked down into the chapel area again. Feliciano chirped a meek greeting, and then went back to praying to Pasta Jesus. No one else said anything to us until we crossed into the front hallway, where all the glass mosaics were held on display.

"PSSSST!" Someone whispered to our right.

I turned and saw Francis gesturing for us to enter the bathroom.

Disgusted, I snapped at him. "If you think that we're so desperate for money that we're going to willingly prostitute ourselves, you are sorely mistaken!"

Francis laughed, which only infuriated me more. "Non! Non! Mon dieu! That's not it. Just come in here before anyone hears us…"

Alfred and I exchanged puzzled looks.

Francis waved his hand impatiently. "We're trying to help you." And with that, he mysteriously disappeared and let the bathroom door swing shut with a soft thud.

"Should we go in?" I asked.

"I don't know, man. What if he's on Lovino's side? Maybe they want evidence to put US behind bars because of how many rules we've broken," Alfred said.

"I don't think so," I replied. "We've helped Francis and Antonio out before, and they've done the same for us. I think we should trust them."

Alfred didn't offer any protest. Hell, just last weekend we had secretly helped Francis and Antonio bring down a Moonshine operation at a local school carnival. I hated the Frog, but at the same time I knew he was reliable. The only thing that was a bit surprising was that Antonio was going behind Lovino's back. The Spaniard practically worshipped the Captain. It was my best bet that they were on our side. And indeed, they were.

We entered the bathroom and found Antonio and Francis leaning against the counter where the hand blow-dryers were.

"Ah! So you did decide to come!" Francis exclaimed.

"That's the code of us officers, ain't it?" Alfred smiled. "We help each other out as long as the intentions are pure."

"We let them take full credit before," I muttered, bitterly.

Francis ignored that last comment. "You guys aren't going to like this, but Antoine and I have just been assigned to Hetalia High. Lovino intends to have us take over from where your investigation left off."

Antonio smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I admire Lovi and all, but I think he's making the wrong decision here. He can be so stubborn sometimes. Anyways… we're willing to help you guys if you need it. I'm also going to take a wild guess and assume that you're still in contact with those kids, si?"

"You bet we are. Our investigation is hotter now than ever before. We have all the information we need to put those punks in jail," Alfred said proudly. "Since we're expelled, it'd be awesome if we had some eyes and ears in the school…"

"And that's where we'll come in," Francis purred. "You have our word that we'll tell you everything we know. You can help us get into their social circle."

"That sounds perfect!" Alfred grinned. "You can count us in. Artie, why don't you text Matthias? We can all meet up for dinner or something and introduce the gang to them."

"Yes, that would be ideal. But one last thing before we agree to this," I grumbled.

"Oh, and what is that?" Francis asked, and wagged his eyebrows patronizingly. _God damn_ , I've never despised a person so much before.

" _We_ get full credit," I leered.

Antonio shrugged, and Francis sighed. "Oui, whatever."

"Dude, that wasn't cool of you," Alfred told me as we left the church.

"If you haven't forgotten already, we need our jobs back."

"Ah, true…"

…

Two weeks later

…

Two hours before the Winter Formal

I had just finished fixing Alfred's tie. We smugly stood in front of the bathroom mirror, admiring ourselves.

"Looking sharp, Artie," Alfred teased. "Even if you are a literal midget, no leprechaun."

I angrily shoved off the arm he had draped over my shoulder. "Let's just get our jobs back, shall we? We're cops, damn it. We're just as competent as everyone else."

Alfred inhaled deeply. "Amen, dude. I still can't believe it, we're about to take down an entire drug operation."

"Mhmmmm," I smirked.

Alfred lifted my shirt to make sure that my guns were hidden and strapped in well enough. When he was satisfied with the result, I reciprocated and did the same for him. We had several layers of padding underneath our tuxes, all of which were bullet-proof. What we were about to do was extremely dangerous, and we could never be too careful.

Realization set in, and my smile faltered. "This will be my first prom or dance, you know? I never went to ours after failing to ask Shelly."

Alfred smiled, almost sheepishly. "I know, that's why I asked her to come. She's waiting downstairs for you. She agreed to take photos before we go. I didn't go to Prom either if it makes you feel any better; my grades weren't high enough… she's not coming with us, though. She's just here for the pictures. Wouldn't want to bring her on a mission as dangerous as this one…"

"W-what?" I stammered. "You didn't have to, honestly! Alfred, what the hell?! Don't you get all redemptive on me! I need character development too!"

"Go on," Alfred chuckled as he shoved me out of the washroom. "When Alistair told me that you didn't have any Prom photos I had to do something. It was my fault that you messed up when asking her, remember?"

I reached out to place a hand over Alfred's shoulder. "Fine then. But I want all three of us to be in the photo. You deserve Prom pictures too."

Alfred teared up and nodded as we walked downstairs. Shelly, who was now a model and clearly looked like one, was chatting with William in the lounge. William had been smart enough to lock up Alistair and Isaac in the basement. If not, they would have likely scared Shelly off.

Shelly looked up and waved when she saw Alfred and I on the staircase. She was wearing a sequined turquoise dress that hugged her chest and waist and then billowed out near the end. I could hardly breathe, and yet my feet refused to stop.

I walked up to Shelly, took her right hand, and brought it up to my lips. "Shelly," I greeted. "Don't you look lovely tonight?"

Shelly giggled. "You were always such a gentleman… and dork."

William coughed to stifle a snicker. "I'll leave you three to catch up. And Arthur, Alfred, please, be safe and come back home tonight." He left looking worried, but didn't say anything more. He had talked to Alfred before as well, but I was completely unaware of this.

"Yes, Mom," I groaned, and let go of Shelly's hand.

Shelly eagerly hummed in agreement.

I blushed, but held my ground. I had had seven years to build on my confidence. It wasn't perfect, but it was a lot better than it used to be.

"You really didn't have to do this," I told her.

"Non, but I did," Shelly sighed. "I've always felt horrible for how I treated you that day. I truly am sorry, Arthur. But now look at you. You were cute before, but now you're just so handsome! You too Alfred," she added before turning back to me.

Alfred broke out into a smug, shit-eating grin. "Thanks, darling! You're looking amazing yourself."

Shelly thanked Alfred and then turned to me again, beautiful brown eyes wide and imploring. "Honestly, I wanted to say yes when you asked me, but I was also very shallow back then and worried what others thought about me. I had a crush on you too Arthur, I really did. I hope this makes up for what happened," Shelly apologized.

 _If only I had known that before…_

"Of course, it does. What you said did hurt me, but it also made me into the person that I am today. I forgive you."

"Oh good," Shelly sighed. "I'd love to stay in touch when we're done with this."

"I would too," I agreed.

"Well!" Alfred clapped his hands together. He had set up a camera on the front table near the door. "Let's take some photos!"

Shelly stood between us both and wrapped her arms around our shoulders as we waited for the camera's timer to go off.

Just before the camera snapped its first photo, Shelly bent over and whispered in my ear. "The academy has trained you well, non? Are those muscles I feel?" she teased. "My, my. I think I just developed another crush on you."

It goes to say that all the photos we took involved Alfred cracking up uncontrollably, as he had heard Shelly's sly compliment, and me blushing a deep red.

And yet, they were still my favourite photos to date.

…

Before Shelly left, she gave me her number. I took that as a good luck charm, and no matter how much Alfred teased me for it, I wouldn't let him shake my resolve.

Alfred lifted his watch to check the time. "Yep. They should be here by now. We have to get going. Matthias is expecting us soon," he said worriedly.

Not a minute later, a car horn honked outside. I opened the front door and saw a long white limo pull up along the curb.

Flabbergasted, I turned to Alfred. "Did you know about this?"

He looked just as surprised as I was. "Nope. I didn't have a clue. We were supposed to ride in their family's mini-van."

The driver's window rolled down, and Yao Wang from our graduating class gave us a smug salute. "Need a lift?"

Alfred whistled. "Wow! Some handsome fellas we got here!"

Yong Soo, Kiku, and Eduard all piled out of the limo wearing matching tuxes. They did look rather dashing, and the smug grins on their faces indicated that they were well aware of this.

"No worries," Alfred told me. "Yao knows all about the mission. You don't have to tip-toe around that wise-old bat."

"Oh," I said. "You really were working your ass off behind my back."

"I sure was."

While Alfred took pictures with the boys, I went over to Yao. It was honestly unnerving how he'd hardly even aged since I'd last seen him.

"Yao," I greeted, and reached over to shake my hand with him. "It's been a while."

We quickly caught up with each other. I was hardly surprised by how stiff and formal he was. I don't know why, but he's never liked me for whatever reason. Alfred, I could understand, but what did I ever do?

"So," I cleared my throat, awkwardly. "How exactly did you manage to pull this off?" I gestured vaguely at the limo.

Yao's amber eyes flashed wickedly. "I have my contacts."

I let the topic end there. Yao was a mysterious and private person, and I honestly didn't care enough to pry any further.

"Hey," I called out. "We need to head out now if we want to make it there on time." My words fell on deaf ears.

"Alfred!" Yong Soo whined. "You promised us dates! Where are they?"

I turned and furrowed my brows. This was the first time I was hearing of this deal.

Alfred grinned and brought two fingers to his lips. A sharp whistle pierced the air. "Ladies, you can come out now!"

Across the street, Natalia and Elizabeta climbed out of a parked car. They were wearing heels, frilly, colourful dresses, and had a generous application of make-up on their faces. This only meant one thing; Alfred had included them in the mission.

Furious, I whacked Alfred on the head as the girls crossed the street, heels clacking against the pavement. "We already have Antonio and Francis on our side! Are you out of your damn mind?! Lovino's going to get suspicious if he can't reach anyone!"

Alfred rubbed his head, but didn't look sorry at all. "Relax, Artie. We need all the back-up we can get. Besides, this is what I promised the boys for helping us. And it's not like you would have agreed to this before."

"You twat," I growled. "You've given me no choice now. They already took the time to come here, and as a gentleman, I'm afraid I can't turn down a lady, no matter the circumstances."

"Yep. You're pretty easy to manipulate."

"You'll be hearing about this later…" I warned. That is, if there was a later.

"Girls," Alfred winked. "Looking beautiful as always!"

"Boys," Elizabeta said, and cockily pursed her lips. She could tell by how agitated I was that I didn't want their help. "I'm so glad you finally realized that you need people as experienced as we are. And you're not too shabby yourselves."

Natalia grunted. I'm surprised she made the effort.

"Yeah, well. I suppose we could use the numbers," I reluctantly admitted. "Are your weapons well-hidden?"

Elizabeta scoffed. "Of course!"

"I was only making sure. Your safeties are our responsibility now," I sighed. Natalia had tensed up, and I figured it was best not to say another word over the matter.

Kiku and Eduard were too much in awe to approach, whereas Yong Soo's eyes became as wide as beach balls. Figurative tail wagging, he sauntered up to Natalia and Elizabeta and immediately fixed his gaze on their chests. Yao snapped something at him in Mandarin and then Korean, while everyone else felt an immense amount of second-hand embarrassment.

"Hi!" Yong Soo chirped. "Which one of you bodacious ladies want to be my date?"

"Move along, pip-squeak," Natalia snarled. Even though she was at head-level with Yong Soo, she seemed much taller than she actually was. "I could skewer your dick with my fingernails."

Elizabeta laughed nervously. "I'll be your date, hun. Come, let's take a quick photo." Under her breath, she hissed. "Nat! Be nice! He's just nervous!"

"Being a sexist pig is not an excuse in my books," Natalia sniffed, and then reached into her purse to grab a can of bug spray. Yong Soo was too delighted to realize how brutal of an insult that was. If he did, he didn't seem to care.

"Kiku, Eduard, do you want a photo too?" Alfred asked.

"N-no! Just going with them is a big enough honour!" Kiku stammered. I had never seen him look so flustered and uncomposed. Eduard swallowed heavily and pretty much gave the same answer.

"All right, but hurry!" I stated impatiently.

After photos, everyone piled into the back. The limo was spacious, but being seated around so many people was still uncomfortable, especially when Natalia kept pulling out weapons from every possible fold in her dress.

The formal was being held at a hotel downtown, so once Yao dropped us all off, he couldn't park for long unless he wanted to get a ticket. Still, that didn't stop him from holding Alfred and I back. Yao leaned over the window and gave us a burning glare that made it hard to look away from him.

"If any of those boys get hurt, I will personally take my time butchering you both. Not only that, but I'll gladly hang your carcasses on display," he threatened.

Alfred and I gulped and nodded our heads.

Satisfied, Yao continued. "I never liked you two. I'm only doing this for Leon. I want justice for my family. Now go," he dismissively snapped his fingers. "I want that drug gone."

"Yes, sir!" Alfred replied.

As we walked into the hotel, I scowled at Alfred. "You didn't have to stroke his ego. You just gave him an excuse to talk down to us all the time now."

"Karma's a bitch, Artie."

"Well, I didn't do anything to him!"

"…"

"That's what I bloody well thought."

…

We met up with Elizabeta, Natalia, Kiku, Eduard, and Yong Soo in the fourth-floor hotel room we had booked. The teens would only be doing intelligence, as we didn't want to endanger them, and Natalia and Elizabeta would be sticking with them as an extra protection. Just in case, we had also picked a room close to the laundry chute. They were all small enough to fit in.

I slid the key card into the handle and entered the room with Alfred. Natalia and Elizabeta were loading their weapons, while the teens were huddled together over the bed. Several monitors and other audio-listening devices were scattered all across the room.

"Here," Kiku said as he reached over to hand Alfred and I our earpieces. "We'll be able to hear everything you do in the case that you separate. Antonio and Francis are already waiting downstairs. The Formal just started, so you have half an hour before Matthias is supposed to arrive."

"Gotcha," Alfred nodded. "So, this is it, huh?"

Everyone exchanged nervous, eagerly anticipatory glances.

"Well, I'm going to stay up here for a bit longer. Arthur, you go downstairs first. I'll meet up with you soon."

"Why aren't you coming with me now?" I asked.

"I'm going to do a quick scout of the floor. You can never be too sure."

"We're more than capable of protecting them," Natalia said.

"Yes, but I want to protect you two as well," Alfred said in a tone that didn't leave much room for argument.

I hummed in agreement and then reached out to clap Alfred on the shoulder. "I'll see you downstairs. Good luck everyone."

"Thanks!"

"Oomph!" I yelped as Alfred brought me into a tight bear-hug.

"We're really doing this man!"

"Not until you let me go."

"Oh… right!"

"Idiot."

"Hey!"

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

I arrived a bit later than expected, but this turned out in my favour. It was easier for me to hide amongst the crowd. I couldn't let too many people recognize me or else they would realize that I had snuck into the dance.

I needed to find Arthur and Matthias. I blinked harshly at the strobe lights as I made my way through the crowd. I stopped abruptly when Ms. Mei grabbed my wrist. She must have been chaperoning the dance. Uh-oh, busted.

"Allen!" she shouted over the music. Her eyes were unusually wide. "You can't be here, you're expelled! I'm glad you are, though! No! Get out! Come here! Oh lala, you're such a dreamy bad boy, aren't you?"

"Lady, you're giving me a lot of mixed signals right now," I yelped, and shrugged out of her grip.

"Fuck me, fuck me right now!" Ms. Mei said. "Agh! I can't! He's a student!" Now she was having an internal debate with herself.

"WOAH THERE!" I bucked forward when Ms. Mei slapped my butt.

"You are so hot!" Ms. Mei ground her teeth, and without another word, she clacked away in her heels.

I was left completely dumbfounded. Turns out, she did have a crush on me… what the actual heck?!

"Allen!" Matthias called out. I fell forward again when the Dane draped a casual arm over my shoulders. I felt a gun hidden under the waistband of his dress pants. "There you are, you big lug! I've been looking all over for you. Where's your brother?"

"I don't know, he went out looking for you!"

"What are you waiting for then? Let's go find him!"

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

So far, so good. No one had recognized me yet. I attributed this to the fact that I was wearing a white tux, as opposed to the dark grungy clothing I had worn during my time spent at the school. I didn't see Matthias anywhere, nor did I see Alfred.

A flash of a red ribbon and blonde hair crossed my peripherals. I attempted to duck out of sight, but Bella had already spotted me. She firmly grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. Confused, I looked her up and down, and realized that she was either drunk or on drugs. She'd have to be; last time I had seen her she had absolutely despised me.

"Ah! Bella! What are you–"

Bella giggled and clumsily staggered forward to catch her balance. Her short blonde curls bounced, and the smell of cinnamon shampoo reached my nose. The trails of her fluffy red dress hugged the ground. I had to back up a few steps to avoid her stepping on my foot with her heels.

"Oliver, you attractive bastard," Bella slurred. "Dance with me."

My morale sunk, heavy like an anchor. She had no business speaking to me after everything I'd done to her. More than that, I couldn't let her be seen with me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if she got hurt because of my own carelessness.

"I don't understand? Don't you hate me? I ruined a perfectly good chance for you to get into university," I reminded. "Are you… are you on drugs?"

"Nope, just drunk!" Bella admitted. "Ah, forget about it. Turns out, a scout came up to me right after the game. They were impressed with the skills I showed before you came, aha! I still hate you, but I need someone to dance with. It's been a long two weeks without your handsome face to look at."

My God, this woman was all over the place.

"So, did you come here for the big deal Matthias is doing later tonight?"

My eyes widened. _She knew._ I removed Bella's hands from my shoulders, grabbed her wrist, and towed her towards a discreet corner. The music was loud enough for me to pretend to ignore her protests.

"Ollie, if you wanted it rough, all you had to do was ask~!" Bella mused. She tilted up her chin to kiss me, but I turned my face.

"Bella, I need you listen to me!" I shouted. "I'm being dead serious here."

"Okay…okay. Geez," she said, pouting.

I took a deep breath and took out my badge to show her. Here goes nothing. "Look, I'm an undercover cop. I'm here to bust down the FMA drug operation. If you leave now, you won't have to be questioned afterwards. I don't want you to be involved in something like this, so please, please, just leave before you get wrapped up in this mess."

Bella sighed. "That's fake, isn't it?"

"It's not, I swear!"

"Oui, sure." Bella took out her phone from her purse. "We'll see about that. Let me search up the records." She clearly thought this was all a joke.

Before I could strengthen my case and get her to believe me, Matthias and Alfred called out for me. "Art, the other suppliers are here!"

I fumbled to hide my badge. Thankfully, Matthias hadn't seen it, and Alfred didn't know that I had just revealed myself to another student. Now that I think of it, that was really foolish of me. I suppose that's what I get for forming personal attachments on the job.

"Bella, I've got to go. Remember what I said!" I told her as Matthias dragged me away by the arm. His hair had been slicked down for the occasion.

"Come on lover boy, you can bang her afterwards."

"Please, believe me. Leave now," I mouthed to Bella. She scoffed and continued to search up recruit records on her phone.

"Come on man," Alfred scolded. "Get your head in the game." In other words, get in character.

"Yes, yes, you're right."

All three of us walked out of the ballroom and headed for the elevators in the front lobby. Once inside, I noticed that we were short four people.

"Where are the others?" I asked Matthias.

"I decided to switch things up and told them to stay back at our hotel room. They're standing by if things go wrong. You guys are the best shooters anyways. I feel a lot safer having you two with me," Matthias replied.

Alfred and I began to panic. This wasn't the plan. We were supposed to be Matthias's back up. That way, it would be easy to barge in once the deal was in motion and start arresting people.

Another horrifying set of realizations struck me: 1) Knife and Scar were going to be at this deal. 2) There was a very high chance that they would recognize us, as we had arrested them before.

Elizabeta and Natalia began to shout in our earpieces. "We're coming up, guys! Francis, Antonio! Change of plan! The take-down is happening sooner than expected! I repeat, leave the dance and prepare for take-down."

"Someone needs to stay here with the kids!" Natalia said.

"We'll be fine, just go before it's too late!"

"It's not smart to barge in all of a sudden. We should be more discreet and wait close by. If we barge in now, we might miss catching all suspects," Francis said. "Not to mention that it could escalate the situation and put us all in danger."

"You're right, Fran. Meet us on the stairwell! Arthur, Alfred, we've got your backs, don't worry!"

I hardly heard anything. The anxiety became too much to bear, and I started to see spots in my vision. Things were becoming too dangerous; I no longer felt comfortable with my chances of getting out of this alive.

The elevator dinged, and we shuffled out onto the tenth floor. Matthias strutted, I was weak-kneed, and Alfred was numbly quiet. Nothing felt real as we approached the tall, intimidating wooden doors belonging to the penthouse suite.

"You boys have your guns ready?" Matthias asked.

"Yes."

"Yep."

"Good let's deal. We need to make a good first impression."

Matthias opened the door, as the other suppliers had been expecting us. We walked into the two-story suite, and found two figures sitting in the lounge in front of the flat-screen tv. One had blond hair and broad shoulders, and the other, although smaller, was quite muscular too and had blond hair so pale it could have passed off as white.

"Coach Lud? Principal Fritz?!" Matthias voiced my suspicions. Oh, oh my. This was bad. Really bad.

Principal Fritz turned to look over his shoulder. "Took you fuckers long enough. You're ten minutes late. Surprised, Kohler? You really shouldn't be. I've overlooked your smoking joints more times than I can count."

Matthias faltered. "Sure, I guess. I mean, you did smoke with me that one time. But, Coach?!"

Coach Lud stood up to turn off the TV. His face was so neutral that it came off as cold. "He's my brother. Of course, I'm going to stand by with him."

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?" Matthias spluttered. "You two, brothers?! You don't even look alike!"

Principal Fritz popped open a beer and took a chug from it. "Ja, you heard him right. We fooled you punks good, didn't we? No one suspected anything. And you two," Principal Fritz gestured at Alfred and I. "Thanks for causing all those distractions lately. It helped make the students forget about the fatal effects of the drug. Business is booming now because of you cock-suckers."

"Gee," Matthias rubbed the back of his neck. "This is genius, truly. I would have never guessed."

"Stop kissing our asses, Kohler. It's not going to get you anywhere," Principal Fritz warned. "You're an adult now, so I'll treat you like one. Fuck up, and Lud will put a bullet straight through your head."

"That was uncalled for," Alfred whispered under his breath.

"What was that hot-shot?" Principal Fritz glared.

"Nuthin."

"Hmmm. That's right. Well, help yourselves to whatever's around. The other two should be here soon."

Matthias eagerly accepted a beer. "Teacher's salary not enough for you guys?"

"Got that right," Coach Lud barked. "You can't pay me enough to deal with self-absorbed brats like you."

"Hey man, what's with the insults? We're all friends here…"

"Do you want me to put your beer in a sippy cup?"

"No?"

"Then stop acting like an infant."

"Uh, excuse us. We'll just help ourselves to some water, thanks. We're uh, taking turns driving home tonight." I grabbed Alfred and walked into the kitchen. Alfred reached into the fridge to grab two bottles of water.

"So what now?" he asked me. "Are we just going to chill here while the deal goes down? We can't let those two other suppliers see us or it's game over."

"That's the plan. The others should be here soon. We just need to observe something incriminating before we act," I replied, calmly to not alert any suspicion.

"Okay, cool."

"Things are looking good guys," Elizabeta spoke. "Keep it up. We're all on the stairwell, roger."

I coughed to mask my words. "Roger! Oh my, pardon me!" The three drug dealers didn't even bother to spare me a glance.

"So, like, do you guys make the drug and distribute it too?" Matthias chirped. He was nervous, and making conversation was his go-to coping mechanism.

"Gott, you like to talk a lot," Principal Fritz deadpanned. "And no, we don't make it. It's manufactured in Europe. We shot the old Turkish guy who ran this branch and took over from there."

"Oh…rad man," Matthias paled. Some of the colour returned to his face when Knife (Vash) and Scar (Lars) entered through the front door.

"Knife, Scar! Thank God! I mean, hey!" Matthias greeted.

Lars ignored Matthias and went straight to the two German brothers. "Long time no see. You have the drugs?"

"Ja. Don't we always?"

"Just making sure."

"Wait, you guys know each other, and you didn't even bother to tell me?" Matthias squeaked.

"Shut up, and know your place!" Vash snarled to silence the Dane. It worked.

While Lars and the others conversed with Matthias watching silently in fear, Vash tensed as if sensing something was wrong. He turned and spotted us standing awkwardly in the kitchen. "Who are those two?" he asked as he pointed to us with a sharp index finger. It was accusatory.

"They're just other students," Principal Fritz answered immediately. "They're not worth our time."

"Really?" Vash leered. "Because they look very familiar, don't they Knife?"

Lars looked us over and curled his lip. "Yes, actually. They do." He snapped his fingers. "You two, over here! Now. I don't trust you and want a closer look."

"Shit! Arthur, what do we do?" Alfred whispered.

"Just listen to them," I said through gritted teeth. "We don't want them to suspect us anymore."

Elizabeta and the others erupted in panic again. The thuds echoing from their earpieces signalled that they were on the move.

Stiffly, we approached Lars and Vash. I didn't yield and looked them straight in the eye. "Oliver Walker, and this is my brother, Allen."

"These two are my best dealers," Matthias cut in. "You don't need to be suspicious of them."

"We'll make that decision for ourselves, thank you," Lars growled and sent Matthias a deathly glare. The air suddenly became colder; goosebumps pricked all over my body.

"Sir?" I said uncertainly. "Is there something the matter?"

Lars didn't get a chance to answer as Bella slammed open the front door of the suite. Drunker than she was before, she stumbled and swayed into the living room. How she knew where to find us was just my luck.

"Oliver, you mother fucker!" she cried out. "You really are a cop! Or should I call you Arthur Kirkland?!"

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

"Did she just call him a cob?" Alfred laughed nervously. "I mean, I know his hair is pretty messy, but that's kinda rude, dudette."

"You piece of shit narc!" Bella screamed and pointed directly at my face. Well, there was no fixing that one.

"I knew it, your boys are cops!" Vash screamed. Within the span of ten seconds, four guns were pulled on us. In return, Alfred and I also pulled out our guns. There was no going back now.

"POLICE, PUT YOUR WEAPONS DOWN AND KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!"

Mortified, Matthias glanced between Alfred and I. "You guys are cops?" he said, disbelievingly.

"Yep, you bet we are!" Alfred shouted.

"But, Ollie. We went to net neutrality protests together…"

"IT WAS ALL FAKE HE NEVER LIKED YOU!"

"That's not true! I kinda did!"

"ARTHUR FOR FUCK'S SAKES FOCUS!"

"RIGHT! ALL OF YOU, DROP YOUR WEAPONS!"

"Ha!" Principal Fritz barked. "As if. We outnumber you four to two. Kohler, you pussy. I know you have a gun. Get it out."

Matthias scrambled to Vash's side and did as told. "I… I trusted you guys." I ignored him.

"Bella, get behind us!" I called out. "It's not safe!"

"Damn right, it's not safe!" Lars said, and swept up Bella. He held her at gunpoint.

"O-Ollie!" she said. Tears began streaming down her face. "Ollie help me, please!"

"Hand over your weapons, or the girl gets it," Lars threatened.

Matthias started forward. "Lars, what are you–"

"I thought I told you to shut-up!" Vash fumed. In a swift motion, he used the butt of his gun to hit Matthias on the back of his head, knocking the Dane out cold. "Useless bitch."

"I won't repeat myself again," Lars said. "Drop your weapons."

"Ollie, please!"

"We're coming!" Elizabeta shrieked. "Just hold on!"

Alfred and I had no other choice but to put down our guns. We raised our hands in surrender.

"Kick them out of reach," Lars ordered.

Alfred and I did as instructed.

Lars let go of Bella.

"Run!" I told her. "Get to safety, just anywhere but here. Go! Go!"

Bella did run, but not where I expected her to. She went to Matthias, reached into his pants, and took out his gun for herself. That gun was then pointed at me as she joined Lars at his side.

"B-Bella? What are you doing? You're not…you're not involved in this, are you?"

"Oh, but I am, Oliver," Bella laughed. It was a cruel sound that didn't suit her face. "Who do you think got Matthias and his idiot friends into dealing? A business always needs a sweet face to do the manipulating. It just so happens to be me."

She then turned to look up at Lars with admiration. "How'd I do?"

Principal Fritz and Coach Lud ogled at this sight. They must not have known about Bella's involvement. Matthias, Vash, and Lars seemed to be the only ones aware of this.

Lars smiled faintly. "Very well, sis. I raised you well."

The pieces started to fall into place. "You knew we were cops all along!" I screamed. "How else would you know where the cameras' blind spots were? You never left me alone when we were out too. It all makes sense now. You… you manipulated me for information by flirting with me!"

"Like you're any better," Bella retorted. "But yes. I suspected it all along, but downstairs you confirmed it to me. I told Lars, and well, the rest is history. We knew that I could be used as bait, and you fell right for it. Ha! Some cops you are."

"You're not going to get away with this," I growled. "Justice will be served, my dear. You just ruined your whole life. Not going to university will be the least of your worries, you best believe me when I say that."

My whole body shook and trembled in refusal to accept this betrayal as real. And yet here Bella was, glaring at me with a gun pointed straight at my head. I used to be proud of her, now I couldn't be anymore disappointed. That's what hurt me the most. Of all people, she was the drug dealer's little sister. I had been completely blind-sided; outsmarted; it was infuriating.

"What. Just. Happened?" Alfred whispered.

"It doesn't matter. Just keep stalling until the others get here."

"What are you guys saying to each other?!" Vash snarled.

"Nuthin."

"Spit it out!"

"Just shoot them and get it over with."

"Bella, turn away. I don't want you to see this."

"M'kay."

"Arthur, they should be here by now."

Click!

I flinched as the gun was cocked. Dread seeped in, and I closed my eyes. The others were too late. We weren't going to make it.

"DAMN IT!" Coach Lud grunted. He and Principal Fritz stepped over to stand in front of Alfred and I. They then pointed their guns at Vash, Bella, and Lars.

"SEARGENT LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT, DROP YOUR WEAPONS!"

"DETECTIVE GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT, UH, WHAT HE SAID!"

Principal Fritz, or Gilbert, looked over his shoulder to glare at us. "I hope you two idiots are happy. You just ruined a year-and-a-half-long investigation."

"You guys are part of Hump Street?" Alfred ogled.

"Of course we are!"

"Why in the bloody hell did Lovino not tell us about this?" I hissed.

"He was supposed to, but then you two kept fucking things up!" Coach Lud snapped, raising one hand to his ear. He was speaking into an earpiece. "Lovino, Feliciano. It appears that the others have gone behind your back without permission. We need back up immediately. We're engaged in a stand down involving four other suspects, all of them are armed. There's another weaponless suspect who's been knocked out."

"YOU TWO ARE COPS?" Lars bellowed.

Heavy footsteps echoed in the outside hallway.

"POLICE GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!" Elizabeta kicked open the door as Francis, Natalia, and Antonio burst into the room, all armed and prepared to shoot. They joined us at our sides, forming a protective ring around Alfred and I. Natalia silently handed us each a gun.

"Dumbasses," she growled. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she appeared somewhat relieved.

"What the hell is going on here?" Vash roared. Jittery, he pointed his gun all around the room.

Lovino and Feliciano, also armed and wearing protective gear, burst through the front door.

"I could ask you all the same question," Lovino stated venomously, and aimed a sharp glare at the other jump streeters who had gone on this mission without his permission.

There wasn't much time to explain ourselves. Why? Because we were busy avoiding the torrents of gunfire that had begun to rain down from all directions.

…

 **To be continued…**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N** : So, this is it! The last main chapter! Thank you all for your support and sweet PM's, you've all been so amazing. S/O to NebulaZee for beta'ing this story, and making it readable. I'm so sorry for putting you through my typos.

While the main story is complete, I do intend to make a bonus chapter. Thanks again, have a great day/night and enjoy~!

* * *

 **Shoot it or Boot it:**

In the chaos of Lovino and Feliciano bursting into the room, armed and ready to shoot, no one noticed how Vash had stepped back to pull out a semi-automatic from a nearby cabinet.

Alfred and I froze and let down our guards as Lovino and Feliciano flanked by our sides. Their burning side glares communicated everything. The room was silent enough to hear a pin drop, save for the heavy breathing and beads of sweat splashing against the floor. Glances were exchanged, and time slowed.

Then came the bullets.

In a wide arc, Vash shot at us.

"GET DOWN!" Ludwig bellowed. He tackled me to the ground and Gilbert did the same for Alfred. Natalia, Antonio, Francis, Lovino, and Feliciano dove behind the kitchen island, swearing and shouting incoherently.

Lars's eyes widened. His quick reaction was what had saved us all from being shot dead right on the spot. In a swift motion, he had grabbed Vash's arm and tilted it so that the bullets sprayed across the wall to our left.

"Are you out of your mind?!" Lars bellowed. "You're only supposed to kill if necessary!"

"They saw our faces!" Vash shrieked back. "They need to be eliminated! I can't… I can't have my whole life, _my sister's life_ , be thrown into jeopardy. I'm not going down without a fight. It was your idea to trust those bastards, might I remind you!"

With this distraction, Alfred, Ludwig, Gilbert, and I crawled over to the others. They were using the island as cover. I kept my head bowed to avoid looking at Lovino. The Italian scowled and casually spit on the ground, as if this were a mere game rather than a competition for survival.

"I don't give a damn!" Lars snapped. "The last thing we need right now is other charges pending! None of us will have a life if you keep acting so recklessly! I expected more from you. What's done is done, but shooting at them isn't going to do a thing. Call in Matthias's reinforcements. Bella, Vash, I want those guns trained on them at all times if they decide to do anything hasty. I'll start gathering everything, and then… we bolt."

"G-got it," Bella nodded. All the confidence and smugness before had been drained from her face. She looked more like a spooked rat with the way she was trembling. She had lost control over the situation and didn't know what to do.

Bella softened slightly as she glanced at Matthias's slumped over figure. "What about Matthias?" she asked.

"Leave him," Lars said, coldly. "We don't look after dead weight. And Vash?"

"So we're just going to use his friends as cannon fodder?" Bella whispered to herself, trying to contain her horror. If Lars heard this, he didn't acknowledge it. "The cops I get, they're disgusting entitled pigs, but…those people…they're my friends too," she continued meekly.

Again, this went unacknowledged.

"Yes?" Vash ground out. His shaking fingers hovered dangerously close to the trigger as he pointed it at the counter.

"Get your godamned priorities straight or so help me God I'll–"

Lars stepped forward, but was immediately forced to duck behind the line of couches in the living room as Gilbert bravely popped his head over the counter and shot at the Dutchman.

"Oh no you fucking don't. Lud and I didn't spend a year and a half in that hormonal hellfire, only for those drugs to be stolen right under our noses. Try again, asshole!"

Gilbert cussed and ducked as Vash shot back at him. The bullet went straight through a wooden cabinet above our heads, sending splinters and dust everywhere.

"LARS!" Bella panicked.

"Vash, cover her!" For a brief second, Lars's composure fell. His stern mask lifted, revealing genuine fear and worry. Vash shot at the kitchen cabinets in warning as he and Bella also took cover behind the couches beside Lars.

"WAIT! NO!" Bella shrieked as Vash dragged her back. "Matthias! Get Matthias! He's right out in the open! Lars! Please! We can't just leave him there!"

When Lars didn't respond, Bella leapt forward. She was quickly dragged back into hiding.

Bella screamed, cried, and threw punches at Lars's arm. He didn't budge at all, stoically pursing his lips. "Your safety comes first," he bluntly told her.

"He was your friend too!" Bella retorted.

"Was," Lars corrected. "Turns out he was a fool just like the rest of them."

"How can you say that?!"

"SHUT UP!" Vash cut in. "FUCK, I'll get him if it gets you two to shut up. I can't concentrate with all this bickering!"

Vash stuck up a thin, gloved hand above the couch. "Hey, jackasses in uniform?! I'm dragging an _unconscious_ boy to safety. If you shoot at us, you'll only make asses out of yourselves, just saying!" There was a notable shakiness to his tone despite how his fingers were still eagerly curled around the trigger of his gun.

"Spineless cowards!" Lovino hissed to himself, albeit not protesting to this. "And here I thought I'd get a decent takedown. Che, what bullshit! Shouldn't have expected more from a bunch of brats."

"Lovi, ah, sir!" Antonio corrected, a notable squeak in his voice. "We're no better than they are. We're going to have to come out from hiding eventually."

"Shut it!" Lovino cut in sharply. "I need a minute to think before dealing with you incompetents."

"You made fratello really mad," Feliciano warned, glancing around at all of us. "You're just lucky he has someone else to use as target practice."

"Like you're the one to fucking talk, Feli," Lovino retorted. Feliciano immediately fell silent, much to the confusion of everyone but Ludwig and Gilbert.

As Vash towed an unconscious Matthias to safety, with a disgusted expression sour enough to think that he had just wrapped intestines around his neck, Gilbert kept his gun firmly pointed on the Swiss.

We were at a draw. Now, it was a matter of who was brave enough to pop up first. Sure, us cops outnumbered them, but we didn't want to do anything reckless that would result in any of us losing our lives. We were also waiting for Lovino's orders, but the Captain still appeared to be assessing the situation, gloved hands furled into tight fists, brows furrowed, and teeth grinding against each other in impatient agitation.

"Brother, you shouldn't be so reckless!" Ludwig barked as Gilbert popped his head above the counter again. Vash had provoked him with a German insult. Gilbert held his ground calmly and firmly like a proper soldier, but shot back nonetheless to warn the brash teen not to push his buttons any further. Principal Fritz's short temper seemed more like an act than anything else. The real Gilbert's anger was revealed in his eyes, burning crimson pools that promised an imminent revenge and justice.

Gilbert unstiffened briefly and rolled his eyes sarcastically. "I'll keep them busy. I'm sure Lovino wants some explanations before we decide on anything. Pity, instead of getting fired, looks like the newbies will die getting fired at, isn't that right Elizabitch?"

Gilbert waggled his pale eyebrows at Elizabeta, who indeed looked like she was considering shooting Gilbert and switching sides in the shoot-out.

Elizabeta smiled sweetly and menacingly, if even possible. Before she could react, Natalia placed a hand over Elizabeta's forearm and shook her head as if to say, "Now's not the time."

On cue, Lovino cleared his throat. "Gilbert, keep them busy. I want to count the heads of everyone I'm personally going to murder once we're done with this."

"Gotcha," Gilbert smirked and resumed training his eye on the couch the four dealers were seeking refuge behind.

"Explain, now," Lovino growled.

Everyone who wasn't supposed to be on this operation erupted and spoke all at once.

"AH!" Lovino snapped a finger. "I said explain, not pander and beg for your jobs like a bunch of whiny children."

Ludwig snorted. "I think we've already had our fair share of that," he then paused to look around, making sure to establish eye contact with us less-experienced jump streeters. Alfred wasn't paying attention, as he was too busy watching Gilbert's back, hands cocked on his own gun. I tapped his forearm, only to receive a noncommittal grunt.

"Your reckless actions tonight just ruined a year and a half investigation," Ludwig said. "Do you have anything to say for yourselves? Anything that will make what you've done any less shameful?"

Lovino's eyes burned into Ludwig's. "I'm the Captain, Sergeant," he spat, placing a heavy emphasis on that last word. "I'll ask the questions here."

"By all means, go ahead, sir," Ludwig replied, a slight sarcasm detected in the word sir. "Except, you do realize that we're running out of options. We don't have time for you to yell at them. We need to conduct ourselves and come up with a plan, and unfortunately, that includes incorporating these dummkophs in it."

"Yes, I know," Lovino curled his lip. "I still can't stand your nasty-ass potato face, but you're right. Okay, one of you explain to me how the hell this happened. Scratch that. Whose moronic idea was it to go behind our backs?"

Slowly, I raised my hand. "It was mine, sir."

"And mine!" Alfred piped in.

I nodded my head in silent acknowledgement. We were to shoulder all the blame and protect our comrades at all costs.

"We knew that if we handed the operation to Antonio and Francis, it'd take them longer to solve the case. We have contacts and have already infiltrated their social group. Even if we were breaking the law, we knew that this was the only way to bring a quicker end to the operation. I promise you, we only had the best of intentions in preventing more kids from dying. We honestly had no idea that you had two other officers already stationed at the school, which was brilliant by the way, kudos. Aha," I laughed nervously.

Lovino wasn't fishing for compliments. This was a life or death situation and information was all he needed. I swallowed and continued. "We've already lost our jobs, and if it comes down to it, we'll give up our lives if need be. It's only fair, considering how much danger we've just put you all in," I finished.

"That's not true!" Antonio spluttered. "We agreed to it too. Actually, we were the ones who asked for their help."

"Oui, he's telling the truth," Francis admitted, reluctantly.

"It's not the ladies' fault, though!" Alfred added. "Artie and I asked them to help."

"We'll take responsibilities for our own actions, thank you very much," Elizabeta huffed, blowing a stray piece of her ponytail out of her face. Her olive eyes were wild and carnal, disturbingly so. She seemed in her element here. Then again, she was a rather aggressive person who took joy in wrestling anyone who was willing to.

"Agreed," Natalia said coldly. "We didn't have to help these idiots, but we did…which I guess makes us idiots too. Even if I do hate them, we still work for the same cause, and I can't have them dying on us. It'd be too much trouble to grieve over them; a waste of time and resources if you ask me."

Alfred's lips parted open. "Ah, Nat. That's the nicest thing you've ever said about me," he cooed.

"Don't get me wrong. I'll still use you as a shield if I have to," Natalia scowled.

"She's lying," Elizabeta smiled fondly. "Her brother raised her better than that. She'd sacrifice herself for any of us here. Poor little Nat is too stubborn to admit that she sees us as her family now."

"My brother's behind bars," Natalia snapped, and then glared at Lovino accusingly.

"Lady, don't look at me. We had a deal that if you cleaned up your act, I wouldn't arrest you," Lovino visibly shuddered. It was the first time I had ever seen him show weakness.

"We don't punish people for the crimes committed by their kin," Feliciano stated. The way he phrased it made it sound more like a motto he had long memorized. Turns out, this assumption was correct.

"That's right," Lovino agreed. "Nonno's a perfect example of that."

"Speaking of whom, do you want to explain to me why you still haven't called any back up yet?" Ludwig lectured, speaking directly to Lovino.

Lovino clenched his jaw. "I told you, we're doing this on our own. Now, stop being an asshat, and let's get this shit done already before Gilbert runs out of bullets to stall them with."

"Looks like we're not the only ones going behind people's backs," I whispered discreetly, under my breath. Too bad Lovino had ears like a sonar detector.

"What was that, eyebrows?"

"Oh nothing."

Lovino curled his lip again, reclaiming his assertive position, and then began with his own explanation.

"While I am disappointed in how stupid this mission of _yours_ was," He paused to look at Alfred and I, "I do admire the loyalty of it all. You've all displayed enough courage and bravery to make me proud to call you my officers, fired or not. With that said, I know what it's like to be new in this field, and am still pretty hot-headed myself, even if I don't like to admit it. But fuck it, if we're to fail in this mission, I want to go down with style.

"Many of you know about my time spent as Romano. But, what you don't know is that this mission is very personal to me. Two years ago, Feliciano blew my cover when I was working on this very same drug operation, back when it was still in its early phase."

"I'm sorry!" Feliciano whined.

"I know you are, moron," Lovino smiled, which was more like a faint quirk of the lips. "Anyways, as I was saying, I know what it's like to be inexperienced and stupid, to want to do everything for yourself and earn a good reputation. That arrogance is ultimately what costed me my position, my stake in the game. Yes, Feliciano played a part in it, but they were already suspicious. I was reckless and chose not to rely on others. _This_ mission, selfish as it is, is my way of redeeming myself. That's what _this_ branch is to me, and I know full fucking well that it means the same to you. We're all idiots that lost our status among the force…"

"Eh," Lovino scratched his head. "I really suck at these motivational speeches, and all that other sappy shit. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I get where you're coming from. Now, let's get down to business. I'd rather risk failing in this mission than failing you guys by having one of you killed. But, and this is a big fucking but, I think it'd be fucking awesome if we came out of this mission successful, yeah? Those cocky pricks need a good ass-kicking!"

"Hell yeah!" We chorused in a low whisper.

"We're the law, damn it! Let's show those snarky, donut-eating higher ups what we outcasts are truly made of! This isn't just my redemption! It's _our_ redemption!"

"Aw, he's learning not to be selfish anymore," Feliciano cooed to no one in particular.

"YEAH!"

"Shut the fuck up, and keep your inspirational echoes to a low. Chigi! Do you want us all to die?!"

"Yeah! Uh…no…"

Everyone exchanged nervous glances, while some giggled anxiously.

"So, what now?" Ludwig asked. "We're all sitting ducks. Either we get up, charge, and risk having some of our officers be shot at, or they risk making a bolt for it and we shoot at them. It doesn't seem like anyone's willing to make the first move. Both scenarios don't seem like much of a possibility."

Lovino furrowed his brows. "It would have been nice to have had some reconnaissance, but most of the other officers were busy with their own missions. They were _unreachable."_

Silence. We all ignored his jab at us going behind his back. It was cheap and beyond necessary at this point, _petty_ just like him.

"Actually," I chimed in. "We have our own reconnaissance standing by."

I took out my earpiece. Eduard, Kiku, and Yong Soo hadn't said a word since Lovino's arrival. I honestly didn't blame them, they especially weren't supposed to be here.

"Is this true?" Lovino asked, incredulous.

Natalia, Alfred, Antonio, Francis, Elizabeta and I all nodded our heads and gave them another quick rundown.

Gilbert and Ludwig tsked under their breaths and Feliciano nervously wrung his hands. Meanwhile, Lovino was on the onset of having an aneurism. He exploded with a stream of foul Italian curses, occasionally slipping into English enough for us to understand him.

"HOW – FUCKING DUMB – IDIOTS – PUT – THEM ON – SO HELP ME GOD I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU ALL!" Lovino whispered harshly, straining to compose himself.

I took off my earpiece and handed it to Lovino. "Great, just great. Now I have minors to fucking rely on," he grumbled to himself.

"Be gentle with them," Alfred chided, a newly acclimatized mother hen. "They're only trying to help."

"THEY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HELPING!" Lovino hissed.

 **WHOMP! WHACK!**

Likewise to before, Ludwig and Gilbert took their turns taking care of Alfred and I. I got whacked on the head by Ludwig, and Alfred, Gilbert.

"WHY US?!" Alfred and I both deadpanned.

Gilbert and Ludwig were quick to give their reprisal. "You both instigated this mess, now toughen up or–"

BANG!

Vash took advantage of the split-second Gilbert dropped his guard and shot at us.

Gilbert snarled. "That was a dirty move, you pesky little asshole. I'll get you for that!"

"I'd like to see you try! Speaking of which, aren't most of you dirty or corrupted anyway? Let us escape, and we'll leave a large sum of money behind. I guarantee it'll be worth your while."

"FAT CHANCE AT THAT!" Gilbert shrieked. Ludwig nodded in approval, as Lovino was preoccupied with giving the nerds instructions.

"I said stay right the fuck where you are! And you tell that boob-obsessed hypermaniac that if he doesn't behave, that I'll send him to juvie!"

"You sneaky little shits, fine! I'll pay for your new Xbox…and a new surround system…" Lovino ground his teeth. "What the hell do you want with a katana sword? Fucking hell, yes, I'll hire you, but only if we get out of this and you stay put!"

Lovino wiped his brow after he was finished negotiating and handed me back my earpiece. "Remind me to never have kids."

"You know," Alfred chuckled. "I'd already made a deal with them before. You, my good Mafioso, have just been punked."

"Keep it up, and you'll be punched into another dimension, blondey," Lovino growled. "Is there anything else I need to know before shit hits the fan?"

"Well, about that," I bit my lip. "Matthias's friends, I don't know where they fall in all this, but they were supposed to act as his backup. He was going to give them a signal through text to either let them know if they were needed or if things worked out. They must be wondering where he–"

"Uh guys?!" Gilbert shouted. "What's happening?!"

We all followed Gilbert's gaze to see Emil, Tino, Berwald, and Lukas burst into the room, all brandishing guns. They were pointed at Vash and Lars, but surprisingly not Bella.

"Lu, you shouldn't have come!" Matthias croaked. He must have roused to consciousness without us noticing.

"HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" Lovino and Ludwig stood up, using this distraction to position themselves better. Everyone else followed suit, and trailed the older officers out into the open, flanking at their sides. We didn't have to worry about being shot at; there was a completely different altercation going on.

"HELLO?!" Gilbert bellowed, only to go ignored again. "DOES THE EFFING POLICE NOT RING ANY BELLS TO YOU?!"

Lars was holding Matthias at gunpoint. "Whose side are you on?" Lars growled at Lukas.

"Obviously not yours," Lukas shot back. "Some friend you are to him. Let him go, or I'll shoot."

"Lu, don't!" Matthias pleaded.

"I'M NOT LEAVING YOU, IDIOT!" Lukas yelled.

"Neither are we!" Tino said. His round face was set into a dead look of concentration. He was prepared to shoot and kill at a moment's notice. "You dragged us into this. It's clear by now that you had no intention in treating us as equals either. We want no part anymore, so if we can just have our friend back, that'd be great."

Bella looked back and forth between the two groups, conflicted. "What are you guys doing?!" she shrieked. "This isn't what we agreed on." Lukas deliberately trained his gun on her.

"We never agreed to anything," Berwald said, stony-eyed.

Emil continued where he left off. "You pressured Matthias into doing this, and we caved too because that's just how selfish you are. You whine and cry until you're given exactly what you want. You're a spoiled brat. You're no friend to us, Bella, you never were. When you set your sights on Matthias, we saw right through your manipulation. We're not just going to let you guys throw his life away as if it didn't matter. You took advantage of him, and quite frankly, it's disgusting," Emil leered.

"I…I didn't take advantage of him. I just…I needed the money to make something out of myself…to help you guys get into good colleges too," Bella sheepishly added, likely as an afterthought.

"Oh really?" Lukas scoffed. "Because your brother holding Matthias at gunpoint, ready to ditch him in a last desperate effort to save his sorry ass isn't looking too good for you right now. Just admit it, you never cared about him or us. Even now, you're still trying to put up this act that you care. I bet you anything there's some leverage you're waiting to use. Just leave Matthias out of this and get out, get out of our lives and don't come back. We won't stop you."

"Nice speech, kid, but I have a little something to say about that." Lovino, Ludwig, Gilbert, and Feliciano stood forward and cocked their guns in perfect synchronization. The rest of us flanked behind, guns at the ready.

"No one's leaving here until half of you are in handcuffs."

"Big talk for an irrelevant cockroach like you!" Vash smirked coldly. "I'm disappointed in you, Romano, or should I say, Lovino? You've lost your touch, probably because you're getting old. What are you 23 now? Tsk. Tsk. So many mistakes. Never rely on others to have your back. Human beings are shitty; we're animals at heart and will do anything to survive."

"23 isn't old," Antonio and Francis pouted to themselves, both of whom were 25 and 26 respectively..

"Funny you say that because right now you're outnumbered," Feliciano smiled. His copper eyes bore a murderous glint in them, long fingers delicately wrapped around the gun he held. His voice was melodic and calm, but the words were more than enough to convey the soundness of his threat.

Bella wiped at her reddened face and set her lips. Her expression hardened until there was nothing but pure coldness emanating from her. "Fine, you're right. I used Matthias, and all of you guys too, but it doesn't matter now. You won't believe me even if I said that I genuinely _did_ care. I won't waste another breath in saying this, seeing as how you conveniently have no problem in forgetting all that I've done for you," she faltered, letting the air still before ruthlessly ripping right into it. _"Go fuck yourselves."_

Lars tapped Matthias's temple with the gun before pausing to look at us cops. "Make one wrong move, and I'll blow his brains out. Now, this is how things are going to go. We're going to leave, untouched, and you're not going to follow."

At the wrong moment, I made eye contact with Matthias. My chest constricted until I couldn't bear it anymore and turned to Lovino. "Captain, please. It's not worth it."

He was still a kid, delinquent or not.

Lovino's posture loosened, but he didn't lower his gun. "Fine!" he barked. "But I don't want another hair harmed on that boy's head or the deal's off."

Lars smiled cryptically. "Of course. I'm a business man, and will take any bargain I can get, especially one to my own benefit."

Lovino boiled from head to toe. Elizabeta cracked her neck and kept her gaze on the Nordic teens, unsure as to whose side they were on. It became obvious when they kept their guns pointed on Lars and Vash as the former dragged Matthias towards the door and the latter grabbed the duffel bag of cash and drugs.

"You heard him. Not one move, fuckers," Vash warned.

"Go on, Bella," Lars nodded Bella forward. "I'll meet you in the car."

"You're better than this, Bella!" I blurted out. "Don't ruin your life anymore than you have to."

Bella avoided my gaze. "Get off your high horse, _Ollie._ You of all people have no right to tell me that. You're a stubborn perverted loser with nothing good going for him. I'm doing what I have to do to survive."

I gaped.

"Sorry, not sorry. Just being honest~!" And with that, Bella swept out of the room, not giving me the chance at a rebuttal.

Francis let out an airless whistle.

I inhaled deeply. "Oh, she's going to regret saying that."

"Arthur?" Alfred questioned.

"Not now, Alfred."

"…"

Elizabeta gasped. Horrified, I shifted my attention.

"Wanna let go of me, buddy, old pal? I think they get the point," Matthias squirmed.

"Shut your mouth," Lars threatened.

"No," Matthias smirked.

"You idiot! All you had to do was stay quiet!" Lukas cried out in alarm when Matthias struggled and fought his way out of Lars's grip. A soft thud echoed across the room as Matthias punched Lars square in the jaw, followed by the muffled, erratic screams of Vash just down the hallway.

"Oh man, did that ever feel good!" Matthias grunted.

Before Lars could retaliate, Ludwig shot at the Dutchman without any hesitation, clipping him in the left shoulder.

"Ah-gah!" Lars fell back, holding in grunts of pain as he ran out of the room, smart enough not to face the line of guns pointed in his direction. The last we saw of him was the trail of his blue and white scarf. The tips of it were splattered with his blood.

Lovino didn't even have to open his mouth for orders, as Ludwig and Gilbert both took after the Dutchman, thighs pumping, nostrils flared, and muscles rippling like bloodhounds.

Panting and out of breath, Matthias hunched forward and wiped at the blood trickling out of his mouth. "I couldn't let you do all the work, Lu," he chuckled, and then turned to the rest of his friends. "Ber, Tino, Emmy, thank you. I know I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry. And you guys," Matthias turned to face us cops. We all stiffened and refused to lower our guns.

"I'm sorry too. I know things don't look good right now, but we're willing to co-operate. You can trust, us, promise." Sheepishly, Matthias gave us a toothy, desperate grin.

"It's not as simple as that, kid," Lovino growled. "All of you, put down your weapons; hands behind your heads."

The teens did as instructed. "Can we trust them?" Lovino asked.

"Yes," I spoke up. "I think it's evident by now that they got wrapped up in something they had no intentions of joining. Stupid as it is, petty dealing is their worst crime. You can even argue that they were pressured into doing it."

"It's true! Bella managed almost everything until that last deal!" Matthias added.

"Bah, fine. We'll get to that later," Lovino said. "You listening, punks? Work with us, and we'll reduce your charges. If any of you do anything I don't approve of, you best expect that you'll be behind bars for the rest of your life."

"Yes sir, we understand," Matthias said, sadly. Lukas didn't seem to agree with being spoken for, nor did the others, but Matthias cut them off. "Really, I know you might think badly of us now, but please don't blame them, blame me. I was bored and was looking for something to do. I never imagined that dealing pot of all things would lead me down this psychotic rabbit hole. Bella just has a way of convincing you to do things. I feel like I don't even know her now. I, um, never expected that anyone would die from this. Leon…" he swallowed, heavily.

"Leon should have knocked it into my fat skull that things needed to be stopped, but I was just so determined to feel…wanted…"

Lukas rolled his eyes. "No, you were too stubborn to listen to us. We've been telling you all along that we never liked her. Lars, your 'buddy'," he put in sarcastically, "said it best. You were looking for praise. Maybe if you got your obnoxious head out of your ass, you would have realized that we've been here all along."

Tears welled in Matthias's eyes. "Oh Lu, you really cared, after all! Like, wow! You guys look so badass! Tino, you sly bastard! You taught them how to shoot, didn't you?"

Tino smiled to himself wryly, full dimples out.

"Well, someone had to look after you. Your parents sure haven't," Lukas sighed. "How many times have I called you an idiot tonight? We would have never kept you around if you weren't wanted."

"OI! I said hands behind your head!"

Matthias pulled Lukas into a tight hug anyways, squeezing the Norwegian and then latching himself onto his friends until soon they couldn't breathe either.

"God, look at you," Lukas fretted. He reached into his pocket to pull out a tissue. "Don't wear yourself out. Hey…why aren't your eyes focusing? Ugh, don't tell me your dumbass got a concussion."

"Well, heheh, I was knocked out for some time…"

"Idiot."

"Lu!" Matthias whined. "Enough, okay? I get it, I fucked up, like, really, really badly. I'm more interested in talking about how stoic you looked when you led the charge in here. It was so brave! I wouldn't expect anything less from my bestfriend!" he gushed.

Lukas placed a hand on Matthias's forehead, preventing the latter from getting any closer. One hug was more than enough for him.

Lovino pinched the bridge of his nose in defeat, and spoke into his earpiece. "Potato brothers, what's going on downstairs? Have you found them? Keep searching, then. They can't get to the parking lot without going through the dancefloor. There's chaperones at the front exits, and knowing those sneaky douchebags, they'll be going for the back ones. We'll circle back outside and trap them."

Lovino then turned to point at Alfred and myself. "You two!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Bring them to the safe room, where you're keeping the other teens. I want them stripped of all weapons and locked in!"

"Yes, sir!"

"And the rest of you. Let's roll!"

"Yes, sir!"

…

Strobe lights blinded Gilbert and Ludwig as they barrelled through swarms of intoxicated squirming bodies, eyes alert for any signs of a blue and white scarf or a red hair ribbon. Most were too elated to pay attention to their so-called Principal and Gym teacher running with guns in their hands, but those who did dismissed it as a mere fog illusion.

"Out of the way!" Gilbert grunted, and pushed past another group of students.

"THERE!" Ludwig bellowed as he pointed towards the righthand side of the dancefloor. Bella and Lars were making their way past the refreshments, heads bowed low. Vash was nowhere to be seen. Ludwig swore under his breath upon realizing that his bullet from before had merely skimmed Lars, doing nothing to slow him down.

The ground shook and Ludwig and Gilbert surged forward, creating enough of a scene for the culprits to realize they were being pursued.

"STOP!" Gilbert screamed, unaware that he was in sync with the song playing in the background.

The room quieted for a millisecond, before the students laughed at their Principal's attempt to be relatable.

 _"Wait a minute! Fill my cup, put some liquor in it!"_

"NO! NO! NO! Can't you see that we're cops?! Move, you pimply gremlins. I SAID STOP DAMN IT!"

Across the room, Gilbert met Lars's smug gaze. He memorized the abhorring image, and swore that he would be the one to wipe it off…with his fist.

...

Joints popped and creaked as Alfred and I thundered through the front lobby to approach the back exit from a different angle. When we got there, we immediately flinched at the sound of gunshots.

Feliciano and Lovino were shooting at a SUV, presumably the dealers' get-away car. Two cars followed right afterwards, speeding in pursuit of the SUV. I immediately picked up on Francis's and Natalia's reckless driving, and given their partner's absence, Antonio and Elizabeta were likely with them.

Gilbert and Ludwig arrived two seconds later.

"Fucking hell!" Lovino hissed. "Their tires were bullet proof."

"It's okay, Lovi. The others will get them. I just know it."

BAM!

Alfred tackled me to the ground as a car two blocks ahead exploded.

"What in the…" Lovino's face paled. "Antonio! Antonio!" he barked into his earpiece. "Are you guys okay? What was that?"

Silence.

Feliciano let out an involuntary whimper, avoiding eye contact. I balled my fist and closed my eyes, preparing myself for the bad news.

"Antonio, now's not the time to play games!" Lovino's voice quaked. "Answer me! Natalia? Elizabeta? Francis? Why are none of them answering?!"

"We're okay," Antonio groaned into our earpieces. "No thanks to Nat. Just a little fazed, that's all. Crazy girl crashed into our car when she realized they'd switched vehicles up ahead and had lit the old one on fire. If she hadn't done that…I don't think we would have made it."

"Does anyone need medical attention? Are any of you hurt?"

"Non, perhaps a bit rattled up, but we'll all be fine. We're driving over now."

"Oh…" Lovino breathed out. The relief washing over his face phrased his emotions more eloquently. "Good. I'm glad to hear that. Only I'm supposed to murder you guys, and that's after we succeed in this mission."

…

"Why did you call for Antonio first, fratello?"

"None of your damn business."

…

You know the dance music is too loud when the explosion of a car outside goes unnoticed. Thankfully, this worked to our benefit, as we all met in the front lobby. True to his word, Antonio and the others seemed perfectly fine, brazen in their will to prove themselves just as much as the rest of us. I had actually gained a lot of respect for the Frog in particular, considering that he had a shallow cut on his beautiful "porcelain" cheek. He didn't seem to be too worried about it.

Lovino was interrogating Matthias on possible places Bella and Lars could be. Meanwhile, Feliciano was looking Ludwig up and down, fretting over him.

"Luddy, oh my gosh! I missed you so much! Are you okay? Did you eat enough while you were gone? Did those mean kids bully you?" Feliciano drilled into the much taller German, bouncing and antsy, and just plain fidgety.

Ludwig's face flushed a faint pink. "I'm fine, Feli. You made sure of that by calling me everyday, no matter how many times I told you _not to_. We'll catch up later, ja?"

"Okay! But you have to promise me as your bestie!"

"I promise…" Feliciano pouted and Ludwig relented. "As your bestie."

The touching scene was interrupted as Alfred began to raise his voice. He was lecturing Yong Soo, Kiku, and Eduard, who were squared off in a separate section of the lounge. They had come out of hiding without permission, insisting on helping with further reconnaissance once we rolled out again.

Yong Soo was the most vocal of them all. "You promised us bitches, not that we would be your bitches!" he scoffed. "You don't get to tell us what to do, got it, oldie Mc Goldie? If we said we're helping, then let us help!"

"For once, I agree with Yong Soo," Kiku added. "This is the type of action in my life that I would much prefer anyway."

"You need someone to help with the equipment, remember?" Eduard reminded.

Alfred pulled at his hair. "22 is not old!" he protested. "I promised Yao that I would get you guys home safely. Now, get your things. I'm taking you sass monsters home. And yes, I'm aware! We'll call for backup or something."

"You don't have any backup!"

"Well, we'll make it work!"

"Take them," Lovino cocked his head over his shoulder, instructing Alfred and once again proving that he had ears like a hawk. "They won't step a foot outside the van, but they're safer with us than they are in the hotel room. On top of that, we need their skills."

Alfred's face reddened, like a mother hen who had just been told that yes, it's okay to give your children candy every once in a while. "Fine man, whatever. I just care about them, ya know? You hear that, peeps? If you get hurt, that means we can't have Chipotle or play Legend of Zelda together."

"What he's trying to say is that he's developed a strange maternal instinct for you guys, and would hate to see any of you get hurt. I feel the same way, well, at least for that last part," I added.

"I can speak for myself, Art!" Alfred pouted. "But, yeah. What he said."

While Gilbert and Ludwig left to get their van out of hiding, the rest of us waited at the front of the hotel. Matthias had told Lovino of a possible hide-out that Bella, Lars, and Vash might be heading to, so of course that was our first destination.

Turns out all the chaperones had gotten drunk off their minds and were nowhere to be seen. I honestly wouldn't have expected more from public school teachers. I stared blankly at the darkening sky, still trying to comprehend Bella's betrayal. I knew that I should have been angrier, but if anything, I was just disappointed. I had had such high expectations for her.

"Agh! Lady! I said geroff me!" Alfred sighed, and escorted a very drunk Ms. Mei back into the venue.

"C-call – hiccup – me!"

"I'll call you a cab home, that's what I'll do!"

"Hey," Matthias stepped forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Look, man, I'm so–"

"I don't want to hear it," I said bluntly. "At least, not right now."

"I wasn't going to apologize for what I did. Bella's bothering you, isn't she? It bothers me too, but if I had any faith in her, it's gone now. She's chosen her side, Arthur. There's no point ruminating over it."

"I taught you that word," I remarked. "And yes, I guess you're right. Thanks for that."

Matthias chuckled. "You sure did, Ollie. Any time."

"Oh, dear. Please, just call me Arthur for God's sake. Lukas was right, you have a habit of making every social situation uncomfortable."

Matthias sighed, and awkwardly placed his hands in his pockets. The van was here. Everyone started piling into it, more like fighting, to get good seats. It was a rather large van too. I could hear Lovino and Alfred's motherly barks and Lukas's annoyed scoffs and off-handed remarks.

"We should probably go," I said. "Don't ask me how they let you wonder off on your own, unchaperoned."

"I'm not a bad guy, you know!" Matthias blurted out. "I'm already a disappointment to my parents…" he whispered, and then cleared his throat. "I thought of you like a best friend."

I turned and raised a brow at him. "You stopped being a disappointment to _me_ the moment you crossed sides. You're not a bad kid, Matthias. You've just made some really bad choices."

Matthias's eyes widened in gratitude. "You…you understand."

"Of course, I do," I sighed, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. My pride shot down a little as he was several inches taller than me. "It's my job not only to help people, but to understand them too. What better way to protect someone than to protect them from themselves? You need to have more faith in yourself.

"If it's any consolation, I really did enjoy some of the time we spent together. I wasn't lying, contrary to what Alfred said. I promise you that I'll do everything in my power to help you out and will gladly testify on your behalf. We might even be able to nab you a good plea bargain, one that doesn't deal with any jail time."

Next thing I knew, Matthias was squeezing the life out of me.

"All right! All right! I get it! Now get in the car, and show us where that warehouse is!"

"Yes, sir!"

I couldn't help but smile and feel saddened all the same. Matthias was exactly where I could have been had I not been so resilient and stubborn. Encouragement and praise really could do wonders for a person.

…

"Are you sure this is the place, kid?" Lovino asked brusquely, sending crackles into our earpieces.

"Yep," Matthias replied. "This is the only warehouse I can think of unless Lars decided to get spontaneous on us and hide out in a dumpster."

"A simple yes would have sufficed," Ludwig said, and I could practically see his eyeroll.

Lovino ignored the two, and went back to shooting out orders. "Antonio, Francis, Elizabeta, Natalia, Tino," he snapped out their names, "Are you all ready and in position?"

"Yes, sir!" Those called had climbed up into the trees surrounding the supposedly 'abandoned' warehouse and were acting as snipers.

"Hmmph," Matthias grumbled. "Now of all times Tino decides to shoot."

"It's because it's necessary," Lukas retorted without missing a beat. "He's trying to help himself out of the mess you created."

"All right, all right, geez," Matthias whined. "I get it. I already told you that I'd be taking as much heat as possible. Ruin my last few hours of freedom, why don't you?"

"Everyone, shut your yaps. I need to hear the others," Lovino cleared his throat raucously, enough to make you think that he had been replaced with a sixty-year old chain-smoker.

"Alfred, Arthur? Are things clear?" Lovino continued, silence in the background this time.

Alfred looked over the dumpster we were hiding behind and peered at the empty entrance of the warehouse. The lights were on, our only indication that people were in there.

"All clear, boss," Alfred answered.

"Good. Feliciano, are you in yet?"

Feliciano, after bickering back and forth with both Lovino and Ludwig, had finally been designated as our first infiltrator. He was acting as our sniper and lookout within the warehouse. It was his job to protect us from above as we led the takedown.

"Si!" Feliciano chirped. "It's them, all right. There's about 30 wooden crates that are most likely holding the drugs, but there's not much else. There's one office on the second floor; I think I can hear them arguing."

"Excellent," Lovino commended, a discreet and pleased smile curling at his lips. "I like our odds in this. Oi, buffoon duo?"

"Yes, Captain?" I sighed.

"Let's get this show on the road."

"Yes, Captain," Alfred and I repeated in harmony.

We drew up our hoods, and approached the looming warehouse, hands latched onto the guns at our waist belts. It was old. The air was musty and reeked of rotten fish. The area had used to be a fishing port.

"This is it, Art," Alfred whispered. "Whatever happens, I've got your back man."

"Same to you, my dude," I teased, surprisingly not feeling awkward by the use of slang. Matthias and his nefarious memeing had finally gotten to me.

"And Arthur?"

"Yes, Alfred."

"Thank you for being such a good friend to me."

I blinked twice, trying not to let Alfred's unexpected moment of sweetness break my composure. "Don't thank me. I've hardly been one to you lately."

"Yeah, well, that's debatable."

"Stop giving each other verbal handies, and focus on the mission at hand, Gotten Himmel!" Gilbert deadpanned. "This idiocy is exactly why I said that it should have been Luddy and me out there, but nein, you just had to let those brats get the main role in all of this!"

"Oi!" Lovino said. "You're leading the ambush, so quit your whining."

Alfred and I exchanged knowing looks. A new and burning wave of determination unfurled in the pits of our stomachs, moving up to our chests, and finally resting in the way we tilted our chins high and proud, eyes locked ahead and dead-set on succeeding. Gilbert's derision had acted as a new type of fuel, one that helped us face the scary reality of walking into this situation unarmed. Our feet crunched against the gravel, perhaps a bit recklessly, as we marched straight into battle.

We walked up to the back doors of the warehouse, which was more like a garage. Alfred hesitantly raised a gloved hand, and looked to me for confirmation. "Do I just…open it?"

"I mean…I guess so."

"That's not very polite, you're supposed to knock," A soft voice spoke from behind us.

"AH!"

Alfred and I both jumped and squealed several octaves higher than what we would have liked to admit.

A little girl in a beige Girl Guide's uniform peered up at us, short blond braids swinging in the light evening wind. She had unnervingly saucer-like green eyes that glowed in the moonlight. She didn't look any older than twelve.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! Where did she come from?!" Lovino snapped. Panic erupted among our earpieces. It was like everything Alfred and I did was doomed to fail.

"Ah, uh, UM!" Alfred stammered. "What are ya doin, here, little miss? Isn't it past your bedtime?" he moved to hide his face from view, trying to pretend that we weren't just about to conduct a break-in, cops or not.

"What's your name?" I asked her. "More importantly, where's your mother? Girls your age shouldn't be out this late at night."

"I could ask you the same thing," the girl huffed. "I don't have to tell you anything, Mr. Burglars. Hmmph!"

Sweat beaded on my forehead. "W-we're not burglars!"

"What he said!"

"Okay," the girl agreed. "So, if I call the cops, nothing will happen…right?"

"BRIBE HER!" Lovino ordered. "KIDS LIKE MONEY, DON'T THEY?!"

"NO! NO! NOTHING AT ALL!" I panicked. "Say, how much are you charging for those cookies?"

The little girl smiled, notably with a greedy glint of teeth. "Buy my whole wagon, and I won't tell anyone about what you're doing here. Do we have a deal Mr. Burglars?"

"Yes, we have a deal!"

"Do you take debit?" Alfred asked with a groan.

"I do!" The girl chirped and reached into her wagon to pull out said machine.

While Alfred reluctantly paid for the cookies, eating some all the while, he turned to the little girl. "You're lucky you're cute. It makes it easier for me to fall for your sugary fiscal manipulation."

The girl smiled sweetly, too sweetly, and ripped out Alfred's receipt. She handed it to him with a toothy grin. "Thank you for your business. It's greatly appreciated."

Alfred sighed, and bent over to grab the handle of the wagon.

"…"

CLICK!

Alfred froze when a gun was suddenly pressed to his back. "What the–"

The garage door creaked open, blinding us all for a moment. Vash stepped outside, placing a walkie-talkie into the front pocket of his cargo pants. He clapped slowly and smugly, small hands bound in leather gloves.

"Way to go Lilli," Vash sneered. "Turns out it wasn't rats, but a couple of pigs who just don't know when to give up. You did good."

Lilli beamed. "Thank you, big brother! I'm so happy that I made you proud."

"Can someone please explain to me why this munchkin has a gun pointed on me?" Alfred whined. He must have moved too much for Lilli's liking, as she jabbed the butt of her gun further into Alfred's side, procuring a sharp yelp from him.

I could hardly piece together any of Lovino's instructions over the shouting. I was on my own, and right now, my partner was in danger.

I pulled out my gun and pointed it at Vash. "Drop your weapons."

"You're in no position to be giving me orders. You drop your weapon, or I'll shoot," Vash said calmly. He knew he had the advantage.

"But, big brother, I can–"

"No, Lilli. I already told you, you're only to help. I won't let you get your hands dirty."

Lilli pouted, but didn't offer anymore protest. "Fine."

"What was that?"

"Yes, sir," Lilli mumbled.

"Are you dense or something?" Vash snarled at me. "I said drop your weapon or your partner gets it."

"And how do I know that you don't intend to shoot us afterwards?" I inquired.

"Like I said, pigs like you aren't worth the bullet. It's more practical to get information out of you first."

"Change of plan, the idiots got captured…" was the last thing I heard of Lovino.

Alfred gulped, and I sighed as I placed my gun on the ground and handed over my earpiece.

"Kick it out of reach," Vash ordered. Reluctantly, I complied. As Vash patted me down, aggressively shoving me whenever he felt like it, Alfred did something reckless, and by reckless I mean impulsive, and by impulsive I mean that he was being Alfred, stupid bloody idiot and all.

"Let go! My heart refuses to believe that a cutie like you is evil!"

WHAM!

I blinked in disbelief as Alfred fell on all fours. Lilli had just kicked him in the crotch.

"N-not cute…" Alfred grunted. "SO not cute. First with the pick pocketing, and now this?!"

Even though I was technically a hostage, I slipped up and began laughing.

"ARTHUR?!" Alfred gave me a look of pure betrayal.

"What?" I snickered, wincing as Vash cuffed my hands and tightened them. Lilli cuffed Alfred as well and began ordering him forward with her gun. "PFT! You have to admit, it's kind of funny. I'd rather die with a sense of humour than none at all… pft! Hahaha!"

WHAM!

I wholeheartedly take that statement back.

…

Bound and strapped to old rusted chairs, Alfred and I awaited our doomed fates. The warehouse was damp and cold. I had been purposefully positioned under this one particular leak and likely smelled of mold myself.

Bella, Lars, and Vash were upstairs discussing what to do with us. I couldn't understand a word. All I heard was shrieks and foreign swearing. I wasn't too worried, though. We did have our snipers, and Lovino was likely figuring out a way how to get us out of this. We greatly outnumbered them.

Lilli was keeping guard of us fifteen feet away. She had drawn hopscotch on the cracked cement and was currently playing it.

"Aren't ya in the ninth grade?" Alfred asked her. "You're a bit old to be playing that."

"Says you," Lilli huffed. "At least I didn't try to re-live my golden years by dressing up in skinny jeans."

"Okay ouch, dudette. I know you're easing into the criminal lifestyle, but there's no need to be so rude."

Lilli went back to ignoring him after that.

"Was that really necessary?" I growled at him. I had half the mind to tip over my chair and send us both tumbling.

"Yeah," Alfred said lowly, discreetly looking left and right at both peripherals before speaking through his teeth again. "I needed to distract her."

"Oh…"

"Listen, when Bella comes out, try to get through to her. You and I both saw it. She might still care about her friends. Guilt trip her. Promise that we'll reduce her jailtime. Heck, I don't know. But, that's the only leverage we've got."

I nodded my head. "I'll try my best, but no guarantees. I…don't trust her anymore."

Above us, someone cleared their throat in offence. When we looked up, however, we were only met with an empty staircase and the metal platform connected to it.

Chills rose up my spine when that same voice continued to hum, creepily. It was a sweet tune, but given the situation, it came off as eerie. Lilli, on the other hand, seemed to be fixated by it. Like a puppet drawn by strings, she stood up and followed the voice as it began to fade away.

"Wait!" Lilli called out. "Don't go, Mr. Ghostie! You have such a lovely voice!"

"Come along, sweetie!" The voice cooed. Feliciano! It was Feliciano! That's right, he was in here too! How could we have forgotten?

"Let's play a game. Follow me!"

"Okay!"

Lilli eagerly skipped out of the room. When her giggles were safely out of hearing range, Alfred whistled in relief. "Geez, why didn't he come sooner?"

"Who knows, it doesn't matter. All we can do is wait."

And wait, we did.

Feliciano came by two minutes later, languidly leaning over the second-floor railing. He looked like a triumphant cat who had just snagged his daily mouse, or rather, prey. "Hello, boys!" he teased. "Need some help, ve?"

"Keep your voice down!" I hissed. "They might hear you or start wondering where Lilli went. Where is she by the way?"

"I locked her in a random room. She's disarmed, but put up quite a fight for a wee little bella," Feliciano remarked, still not lowering his voice. "I was quite impressed, ve!"

"Good work, Feli. Wanna free us now?"

"Sorry to interrupt, but I'm afraid that's not going to happen."

Lars, Bella, and Vash emerged from hiding and stepped out in front of us.

"Where's Lilli?" Vash asked. "Lilli? LILLI?" His voice became panicked. "WHERE'S MY SISTER? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?"

"She's safe, but you guys sure won't be," Feliciano warned. His amber eyes hardened until I didn't recognize him anymore. This wasn't Feliciano. This was the son of an ex-Mafioso, someone who was prepared to kill at any moment if it meant saving his allies.

"POLICE, HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"

On cue, Lovino, Ludwig, and Gilbert burst through the back entrance. Glass panels shattered and rained down in the warehouse as Natalia, Antonio, Francis, and Elizabeta broke in from their positions in the surrounding trees outside. Tino stayed back, for obvious reasons.

While the other snipers joined Feliciano at his side, Vash lost all reason. He went berserk and thundered forward. The room stilled as he attempted to pull Ludwig, the person closest to him, at gunpoint.

It never got there.

BANG!

" _Don't. Touch. My. Luddy. You. Asshole_ ," Feliciano growled.

"Lud, you all right?" Gilbert asked. His tone was sharp and thick as an ax, furious, and yet heavily concentrated.

Ludwig dazedly nodded his head, looking down at the wrinkles Vash had left in the front of his jacket.

Bella gasped and slightly shifted so that she was standing closer to Lars, but never dropped her gun, despite how violently she was shaking.

Vash had collapsed to the ground, spluttering as he grabbed at his now bleeding collarbone. The sound of the gun must have been the final trigger for Lilli, as there was the thud of a door being kicked open. Heavy footsteps soon followed.

"Brother! Brother!" Lilli called. "What's happening?! I got caught, but I'm okay now! Where are you…?"

"VASH!" Lilli cried out. "VASH! VASH!"

Natalia stepped forward and held the screaming and sobbing girl back. It was absolutely pitiful to listen to. I'm almost certain it brought tears to Alfred's eyes. There was nothing he hated more than an upset child, let alone a grieving one. "There's no use now. He's as good as dead. That's what he gets for being –"

Elizabeta shook her head at Natalia, silencing her. Sighing, Natalia took to comforting Lilli by letting her cry into her chest. Lilli didn't want to be comforted and kept struggling until Natalia gave up and knocked the former unconscious through a pressure point in her neck. It was best not to talk about the ethics of that, or this whole mission for that matter…

"Ahem," Lovino said calmly. "Unless anyone else wants to die, I suggest that you two surrender. _Now."_

"Bella, get out here," Lars ordered, wincing as he moved his shoulder the wrong way. "You know what to do. Leave the country. If…I don't make it, use the contacts I gave you. They'll take care of things from there and help you start over."

"And what, let you become like Vash?" Bella protested. "I'm not going to leave you!"

Lars's frown deepened, bending his scar. "Yes, you are. Now go!"

"But…"

"YOU HEARD ME!" Lars exploded. "I got you into this, and I'm taking responsibility for it. You have your whole life ahead of you, I don't with my record. Finish your schooling and work hard. I'm doing this because I love you, so don't let it be in vain. Leave while you still have the chance."

"Lars…" Bella swallowed, holding back tears. "I love you too. That's why I can't leave you."

Lars smiled faintly. "I thought you would say that." He pointed his gun up at the ceiling.

"WATCH OUT!" Antonio called out. "He's aiming for the -!"

BANG!

Dust clouded the room as fluorescent panels came crashing down onto the ground, just missing Lovino, Ludwig, and Gilbert. Bella took advantage of this and took off for the exit while Lars gave up on shooting and surprised everyone by putting his hands behind his head.

"Get me! I'm the one running the operation!" Lars called out.

Gilbert and Ludwig took after Bella, while Antonio and the others came rushing down to free Alfred and I from our bounds. Natalia rolled her eyes, and I experienced a sense of deja-vu as she handed us back our guns. Elizabeta had placed Lilli in a remote corner, and then went over to check on Vash's pulse. He was too still to be alive, so I didn't bother to look as Elizabeta began performing CPR on him.

I was wrong.

"There's still a pulse! The wound's shallow, nothing a few stitches can't fix. I think he just fainted from the sight of his own blood," Elizabeta informed Natalia.

"Take him out of here, I'll watch the girl until you come back," Natalia replied.

"It's not safe with that other girl roaming free. It's better to stay here," Elizabeta said.

"You're right. Put them together then. The boys have already called an ambulance."

Natalia then helped Elizabeta tow Vash into a far corner of the room, thankfully unnoticed.

Lovino circled Lars, a film of white dust matting his auburn hair. "You picked the wrong motherfucker to piss off," he said, and then clicked his gun threateningly. "You'll be paying for my hairdresser out of your own pocket."

Lars snorted. He stubbornly refused to lower his gun, and judging by the homicidal arrogance in his tone, he intended to take down as many of us as he could before he went down himself. "Corrupted, just like I thought."

"Never said I was a saint," Lovino retorted. "Takes an asshole to catch one."

"Precisely," Lars remarked. He smirked and threw something up in the air.

"GRENADE!" Feliciano called out before all hell broke loose.

We all scrambled to get away from the blast zone. The windows shook, and parts of the ceiling beams unhinged, swinging down on a tether. Tears welled in my eyes, and I choked as I breathed in acrid, toxic ash. A fire had started, and was quickly spreading to the crates that bore all the drugs.

"Fuck – COUGH – " Lovino gagged. "Is everyone all right?"

Lovino received exactly enough groans to know that everyone was okay. Lars had only wanted to create a distraction, and throwing a grenade in the air, psychotic as it was, had definitely succeeded in that plan.

"That lunatic's destroying everything!" Lovino cussed. "Everyone out! The building's unstable! I'm not taking any risks! Fuck! Tino, you all right out there? … Good, glad to hear that… Everyone pull back. I REPEAT pull back."

"Nat, get the girl, I have Vash!" Elizabeta coughed, violently.

"Allow us to help," Francis offered, also gagging.

Alfred wiped at his brow, leaning against the wall next to me. The visibility in the room was poor as the smoke had yet to clear, but I was still able to see the firm press of his lips; that and the defiant glare in his cerulean eyes. I would know because I felt the very same way.

"No," we both said at the same time.

"It doesn't end here," I growled. I stood up and helped Alfred to his feet.

"You're sure as hell right that it doesn't. Let's go."

Alfred and I took off, ignoring Lovino's shouts in the background. He couldn't see where we were going, but the sound of us running in the opposite direction was a pretty good clue. Lars had gone deeper into the warehouse. Fire licked at the walls, threatening to spread further and send the roof down at any moment, along with the inevitable explosion of the drug crates. The building was old and consisted mostly of wood. Despite these odds, we still pressed forward.

"STOP WHERE YOU ARE!" Alfred commanded. Lars's scarf flicked into view briefly before he hid behind a set of empty crates.

Lars moved to shoot at us, but cussed as his gun got jammed.

"HA!" I cried out. "Just give up now, you're outnumbered."

Lars didn't spare a moment's hesitation and took off running again. I could tell that he was weakened, as he kept reaching out to place pressure on his bandaged shoulder, wincing in pain.

"ARTIE, LOOK OUT!" An enflamed wooden beam crashed right where we had been standing just moments ago, separating us.

"Alfred!"

"It's fine, there's still room for me to get out, it'll just take some time to walk around. Go after him!"

I faltered. "Al, I can't just leave you. The fire… I…"

"I'll be fine!" Alfred snapped, and began lifting the unsinged part of the wooden beam. "Go, show em what we're made of! I'll meet up with you in a sec; don't you dare let him get away! We didn't go through hell and back only to turn up empty handed!"

"Damn, right, I will!" I thundered, adrenaline pumping. "And don't you bloody die on me!" I warned.

Alfred rolled his eyes, and waved me forward. He had already begun to lift the beam, proving once again how unnatural his strength was. Well, lift wouldn't be totally correct, but he was shifting it into a position where he would be able to crawl underneath it.

Alfred winked as I gave him one last nod and resumed my chase. I kept my gun pressed to my chest as I swiftly moved from crate to crate and corner to corner. Lars clearly hadn't thought any of this through, as the back of the warehouse was blocked off with several more crates. Unlike with his meticulous drug operation, he didn't have the luxury of time on his side.

I cautiously held in my breath, carefully analyzing my surroundings for any threats. This caution ended up saving my life as a blur to my right prompted me to duck and avoid having my head cut off with an ax.

"Drop your weapon!" I demanded firmly, ignoring how much my knees shook or how fast my heart beat in my chest. "I said drop it!"

"You don't have the balls to shoot me," Lars scoffed. "Go on, do it."

"…"

"That's what I thought."

Lars raised his ax, holding back a wince.

"Oh no you don't!" Alfred surged forward, seemingly from nowhere and tackled Lars to the ground. Lars dropped the ax and it fell with a hollow metallic thud. "Give it up, your life is done, buddy! Quit being so stubborn! Oof!"

Lars threw a punch at Alfred's jaw, and used this to his own benefit. He flipped positions and began strangling Alfred. My ears rang. I had never felt so focused or sure of myself as I shot my gun at someone for the first time in my life.

BANG!

Lars howled with pain and fell face first onto the cement. I had only shot his wrist, but the trauma of the fall must have knocked him out. Alfred squirmed out from underneath the Dutchman, eyes wide.

"Artie, you saved me…"

"Save the thanks for later, cuff him and let's get out of here."

Alfred sighed in agreement. "Can I at least teabag him first?"

"NO YOU CANNOT TEABAG HIM."

"Fine, but one last thing…" Alfred sheepishly bit his lip.

"What?"

"Gimme a high five."

"If this building doesn't kill us, I will."

I still gave the idiot a high five anyway. I was too proud not to. You should have seen the look on everyone's faces as we pranced out of the building with Lars's body strung over Alfred's shoulders, only for the warehouse to explode and collapse just two seconds later after we had reached an appropriate distance from it.

I had acquired permanent hearing loss by the time Lovino was done with us. There was also the fact that Alfred remembered to read Lars his Miranda rights once he had risen to consciousness; that was a miracle in itself.

…

"You saved me," Alfred repeated obnoxiously for what must have been the fiftieth time. We were sitting on the hood of a police car, waiting for Lovino's orders. The rest of the first responders had arrived at the scene and were putting out the fire.

I ignored his waggling eyebrows and sighed. "Yes, I did. Now, can we please move on?"

"Just saying, it was pretty bad ass. You don't have to be embarrassed for saving your best bro."

"I'm not embarrassed. Quite the contrary, I'm proud of us Alfred. We did it, we really truly did it. Nearly three months spent in that crappy institution and yet it was all worth it in the end, ah! Lovino even promised to give us our jobs back," I laughed, sucking the euphoria of it all in. "I heard that the Chief's here too. We might even get a promotion for what we did, reckless or not."

"That doesn't matter to me. I'm just glad that we'll finally be treated as real cops now," Alfred said. "Besides, the mission isn't done yet. Bella's still out there, and I don't think Lars is going to be talking anytime soon once he's released from the hospital."

"I know, I just…what if they don't catch her at the airport? Part of me wants her to get caught, and yet the other…"

"Wants her to start anew?" Alfred suggested.

"Is that so awful of me to wish for?"

I thought of Vash and Lilli, and what would happen to them now that Vash would likely be serving jailtime. Their records said that they had been orphaned for almost two years now. Vash may have survived, but their family was about to be torn apart. Of course, this was only a repercussion of their actions, but it still made me really angry that a girl as young as Lilli had been dragged into something like this.

"Nah," Alfred waved his hand. "I suppose not. You have a big heart, Arthur. Even I'm not that forgiving. If I had it my way, justice would have been served to her," he paused to better contemplate his words. "Ya know, maybe I'll just keep my opinion to myself on that."

"Mhhmm. Hey, what happened to Kiku and the others?"

"Yao just picked them up," Alfred answered. Poor little guys were tuckered out waiting in the van and fell asleep. They play so much COD that they're used to the sound of gunshots," he ended with a chuckle.

"Ah." Wait, what about…

"Oi," Lovino called out. He walked over to us, hands tucked into his jacket. "Keep this on the downlow, but Matthias is taking the wrap for his friends. They've already agreed to it, and it's my way of paying them back for their help. I said I'd do my best to minimize his sentence, although it seems like Eyebrows already told him that – _without_ my permission."

I sheepishly avoided the Captain's gaze.

Alfred whistled. "Damn, that's extremely generous of him."

My eyes bugged out. "That's a pretty hefty sacrifice. Does he even know what he's getting into?"

"Who knows if he does, but the kid's too prideful to change his mind," Lovino shrugged, only to fall forward as his grandfather, Chief Vargas, slumped a casual arm over his shoulders.

"Tsk! Tsk! The mafia blood runs strong with this one. Naughty boy, Lovino, making deals that you have no business doing."

"Shut up, you old fart," Lovino snarled and harshly shoved his grandfather away from him. "You're no better, so get off your high horse. Must be nice sitting on your fat ass all day while I do all the dirty work for you."

Chief Vargas gasped and then looked at Alfred and I as Lovino sourly stormed off, shoulders balled like a spooked cat who had just had their tail pulled. "Can you believe him?"

Alfred and I had nothing to say to that and settled with noncommittal hums.

"Phew, kids these days are harsh," Chief Vargas said before leaving.

"You're telling me," I whispered, prompting Alfred to laugh.

"He didn't even remember us," Alfred remarked.

"Yeah, well, it's not like we were relevant then. I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't want to be remembered for watching you dry hump a civilian. Not to mention that we both got fired for it, which I still think was ridiculously absurd."

"Good point." Alfred's laugh was contagious and I soon caved by joining him.

"Hey, you kiddos want a beer?" Gilbert called out. "Sorry not sorry for being an asshole to you two before, that tends to happen if you get in the way of me proving my awesomeness. You're just lucky that you didn't fuck up the investigation," he chuckled, and waved a shaky index finger at us. "Then we would have had some real beef. Eh, whatever, let's just turn it up, ja?"

Ludwig shook his head and pretended to ignore his older brother. "Imbecile."

Another person also seemed to share this opinion. "You fool! Honestly, could you be any less professional?"

I felt like I'd seen this stranger somewhere before…

"Shut it, Roderich," Gilbert growled. "You didn't have to endure nearly any of the crap that I had to."

"Really? Because serving as that brat's butler really did a number on my sanity. I had to iron and press his joint papers… _joint papers_! My dignity is in absolute shatters at this point."

Oh, of course. He had been Matthias's butler, silly me.

From across the yard, Matthias screamed in disbelief.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! EVEN MY BUTLER WAS UNDERCOVER?! THAT'S SO EXTRA."

Gilbert snickered. "Well, I mean, he's not wrong. You are pretty extra, Roddy."

No one said anything when Roderich took Gilbert's beer and poured it over the cackling German's head.

…

"I said tip-toe, not heel-toe!" I hissed at Alfred and gestured for him to stop making a ruckus. Both of us were still a bit tipsy from Gilbert's celebration back at the church (#ironic). We had needed a good unwinding after spending close to six hours at headquarters answering questions and filling out paperwork. I also had a hearing regarding whether or not I had used reasonable force when shooting Lars to worry about, but that's another matter altogether.

"I'm s-sorry!" Alfred slurred. "Gilbert, man. That dude knows how to par-taay."

It was a good thing I had drank a few bottles of water hours before we had left. Otherwise, neither of us would have been in a state sober enough to give the cab driver directions.

Right now, we were more worried about sneaking past Alistair. It was nearly 6:00 AM, and I suppose he must have accidently fallen asleep waiting for us in the front lounge. Deep down, he was a true worry-wart. The thought of us risking our lives had petrified him.

"Shhh. Easy does it," I urged a shirtless Alfred forward.

CREAK!

Alfred and I both paused and waited to see if Alistair would wake up. He did.

Slowly, Alistair opened his eyes. Half-asleep, he trudged over to us in his pink bathrobe.

"I'm glad ye two made it home safe." I smelled alcohol on his breath and sighed.

Alistair bent down to kiss Alfred's forehead. "Jesus, Artie. Are ye having another growth spurt on me?"

Alfred gulped, but decided to just roll with it.

"G'night, I'll kill ye two knuckleheads when I get up. Expect a good whomping for not even bothering to call me. Could have been dead for all I knew."

Alistair then trudged upstairs, eyes lidded heavily from sleep.

"Ahem."

Sheepishly, Alfred and I looked up to meet William's stern gaze. He was still wearing his day clothes, which wasn't odd given that he was an eccentric night owl type, but it was the way he looked at us that made me feel like a child again.

Instead of scolding us, William smiled.

"Welcome home, boys."

…

"Ay, I don't know," Antonio bit his lip, unsure of himself. "This seems dangerous." All of us jump streeters were huddled low at the Chapel, glaring up evilly at Lovino's office. It was practically begging to be pranked at this point.

"Come on, it'll be funny!" Feliciano giggled. "I can't do it, because Lovi knows when I'm lying. It has to be you."

"I agree with the pretty Italien. Lovino won't suspect anything from you, cher," Francis smirked.

Ludwig and Roderich, who had wanted no part in this, were sitting on benches far away from us. "I still think this is a bad idea," Ludwig called out.

"Shh! Learn to live a little, you two!" Elizabeta chided. "Especially you, Rod. You're so uptight all the time."

"Better uptight and alive, than strung up and left for dead."

"I wish you the best of luck and hope you all make it out safely. If any of you had any sense, you'd agree," Ludwig said promptly before burying his head into the new workplace guidelines head office had sent out.

"Don't mind, Luddy," Feliciano sighed. "He wants to see Lovi have it handed to him just as much as anybody else. Fratello's never liked him for whatever reason."

"Your brother's just an asshat," Gilbert smirked. "So, are you guys going to let me do it or what?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME NO!" Everyone shouted at once. "You always fuck things up!"

"Okay geez, tough crowd," Gilbert pouted. "At least I'm not on the receiving end this time," he muttered to himself.

Alfred patted Gilbert's back with a malicious smirk on his face, but didn't spill the beans about how he had pranked Gilbert in a similar manner back at the school. "It's all right dude. I got the same treatment before you came."

"Well, one of us has to do it and quick," I said. "He's going to open his blinds to check on us at some point, and if we're not working, he'll get suspicious."

Antonio abruptly stood up and grabbed the 2L bottle of Pepsi and specially-crafted highly explosive mentos the nerds had made for the occasion. "Fine, I'll do it." He succumbed to peer-pressure easily, being the people pleaser that he was.

"I guess seeing his grumpy little face won't be a bad last memory," Antonio whimpered. His shoulders slumped as we whispered small encouragements and cheers.

Antonio trudged up the staircase leading up to Lovino's office like a soldier on march to a battle he would inevitably lose. Meanwhile, the rest of us took cover behind Pasta Jesus. Feliciano had somehow managed to convince Ludwig to hide with us, but Roderich had gone elsewhere.

"Shhh! Shhh!" Elizabeta hushed.

"That means shut up!" Natalia warned, and waggled around her pocket knife. That sure shut everyone up quick. Alfred was breathing heavily in my ear, which prompted me to give him a good shove in the rib-cage.

"OW!"

"Be quiet!"

"Ow," Alfred repeated, this time in a whisper.

Lovino's office door creaked open, having been knocked on just before.

"Hey, Lovi. I was thinking. Would you like to have lunch with me?"

"What's that you're hiding behind your back?"

"Que?"

"What are you hiding, Antonio. Cut the bullshit. You're up to something."

"Ay! Can't a guy have a nice lunch with his boss?"

Lovino grunted, likely due to the puppy dog eyes Antonio without a doubt would be sporting. "Fine, I'll get the plates and napkins. Jesus, how many times do I have to tell you to stop bringing me these homecooked lunches? It makes me look like an asshole when I can't return the favor. I've also gained five pounds since you started doing this! Five!"

"I'll just set down the drinks and come back with the rest, okay?"

"You sure are a fucking weirdo, you know that?"

Antonio wordlessly left the office, nearly tripping on his way out. Lovino had never seen him act so skittish, nor had he seen the Spaniard's usual tan complexion appear so pale.

"Pepsi," Lovino mumbled to himself. "He knows full fucking well that I hate – "

BOOM!

Antonio came running out of Lovino's office, eyes wide as if the devil was on his tail. And indeed _He_ was. Lovino came screeching out of his office, like a phoenix resurrected by the need to slaughter us all.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!"

WHOMP!

Lovino slipped and fell straight on his ass.

Laughing, we all came out of hiding. Meanwhile, Antonio went straight for Pasta Jesus, and immediately began praying. "I'm sorry, please forgive me for hurting mi tomatito. It was just a joke. No, I'm not gay. We're friends. _Si, friends_."

Without a shred of dignity, Lovino stood up, shakily, and impatiently straightened his now soda-stained suit. He then walked over to the railing and pointed a sharp index finger at us all. He looked like a soaked cat, trembling with the poison of his own anger. "I'm about to jump kick you all out of this church. Any last words?"

"Huh," Alfred mused. "That has a nice ring to it, don't ya think? We should name this place Jump Kick Street, instead of ya know," he finished and brought a hand up to his mouth, lips curled to one side to leave the statement open-ended.

"Good idea!"

"Wait. Why don't we shorten it and just call it Jump Street?"

"I like that too!"

Lovino turned beet red. "Oh, OH?! So we're just going to ignore me now? Playing clever word games, che? Fine, have your last laugh. Enjoy it. Savor it. Because I will end you all the moment you let your guards down. And that goes double for you, Feli. Antonio, you can already consider yourself dead to me."

Antonio buried his head in his hands and sobbed, they were quite ugly sobs too. "He turns into Romano when he's a-a-angry! I can't go through that again, please!"

"Jump street it is!" Feliciano grinned.

"Wait…" I paused. "Why does that sound so familiar?"

 **-The end**

 **A/N:** Stay tuned for the omake 😊


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